"I do not know what to do with my life. Should I become a healer? What is the highest path for my soul?"
Dear Ayal,
To begin with , I am really inspired by your clarity and guidance. I have read people's questions .. .. and I am compelled to say that your insight carries the dust of angel wings. I have an absurd and irrefutable confidence that you are the person I have been waiting to seek advice from .. .. I seek answers to so many questions that I do not know if it will be too overwhelming for you.
Here are a few things which are throwing me completely out of whack...
1. I was diagnosed to be a victim of a psychic attack 4 years ago. This attack has not gone fully. Although weakened greatly with daily long distance reiki. It is a huge block in my daily life. Stopping me from relating to people and doing my work. It leaves me troubled and tired on a daily basis. And generally aimless in living.
My family and I have been at the receiving end of black magic almost all our lives! How we grew up to be sane and normal, I really do not know!!
How can I protect myself and others from future attacks? And get healed from the present one?
2. I feel and am incredibly lonely. It feels terrible. No one understand me. No one is there for me.. and for a very long time now. (I have been strong about this, spirited even .. .. but now it's stretched on too long!!)
From a young age I became self sufficient for my own emotions. Helping others but not expecting ANYTHING from them. Well .. .. they delivered! But I do , right now feel incredibly bad.
In ANY relationship .. .. for as long as I can remember, I am the giver (trying to make the atmosphere light, trying to listen, sorting out fights) .. .. and like a cry baby I find myself weeping somewhere deep inside and asking when is it my turn .. ...
I have a really hard time maintaining my space, people cross their lines more often than not!
So I have stopped reaching out to people completely.
I find I am usually at the receiving end of all conversations. When I begin to speak, people do not give me the same kind of attention I gave them!
3. Because of a rather drawn out and intense deception from a cult like group calling themselves a temple, an important question in my mind .. .. should I write a book about this and expose them? Although I am scared for my own safety!! What would happen if I were to write this book?
4. I am usually a very connected person .. .. connected to nature, god, etc. But I have been ridiculed a lot. People have laughed at me a lot. And in addition they have ignored me .. .. as well as perhaps the psychic attack .. .. my connection is seriously hampered. I was told by a reverend and another spirtualist that I had been opened (by the psychic attack) and also that I had attained a siddhi .. .. some kind of power. All I can say is that I was really scared .. .. and actively shut off all the intuitions and gateways which I could feel were accessible by me. Sometimes I wonder if it was right. As it stands now I am not very connected.
5. The men in my life never work out .. .. And to say that I yearn for a true love would do justice only if I could say it doing cart wheels on a tight rope!! .. .. I always, always attract wounded souls. Somehow they always end being individuals who have been madly in love with another and I am their healing point!! They tend to give me zero importance and take me for granted along the way.
6. I am for some strange reason petrified of boring people with my un-engaging ways! (maybe a hasty conclusion)
7. The thing that really bothers me now is that I do not know what to do with my life. What is my goal!!? Strangely enough this is the most important question for me .. .. Should I become a healer? What is the highest path for my soul?
8. I am petrified of being singled out and scolded/blamed/etc. Pretty absurd. I did some self work and discovered two lifetimes .. one where I was ousted by my community and was completely alone, another where I had done some social crime and was at the receiving end of a significant amount of hate and antagonism from people. Few irrational beliefs I covered included intense self negation. The safest thing for me is the existence of others. Me, I come second .. .. in fact if I do not exist it's better! Also some beliefs about marriage and social obligation.
9. A recurrent question in my mind .. .. If I have such an overflowing loving heart, so eager to talk, laugh and just be simple and silly .. .. and the world is exact opposite .. .. judgmental and dismissive of me even, self important, dry and manipulative .. .. how do I handle my own inner richness and how do I process the dryness and severity of the world? I feel no one has been there to receive my tears for such a long time .. .. when do I get to lean on someone's shoulders?
Thanks for your honesty and sincerity in reading this .. .. may you always be happy.
Glad you wrote in. OK, the first thing you need to do regarding the psychic attack is clear your environment. Buy a container of epsom salt and some 100% Ever Clear whiskey. Put about a cup (6-8 ounces) of the epsom salt in an iron frying pan, or some other object that you can carry around that won't be hurt by a small fire in it. Then, pour about a capful of the Ever clear whiskey on top of it – not too much, as then you will light it. It will burn with a little blue flame. Carry this concoction/fire around your home, making sure you get carefully into all the nooks and crannies (don't set fire to anything). If it goes out, put some more Ever clear on it, and light it again. Sometimes you need to carry it with a hot pad, as it can get hot. Do every room. As you do this, ask the Archangel Michael to come and work with you to completely clear any negative energy or entities from your environment as well as your own body. You are basically using this as a smudge, but it is more potent then a smudge stick, and clears all levels of negative energy.
I also invite you to keep on working with the Archangel Michael regarding any concerns you have that you and your family have been connected to black magic. Also, and this is important, you need to start using and working with The Violet Flame every day. Go online and read about it. There is a lot of info out there about it. Again, I am getting that this has to do with something that has been in your family's environment for a long time. Part of this has to do with the aspect that your family "expects" this....it may be a belief that has been handed down through the generations and so has built up a lot of strength to it. Obviously, you have also accepted it. You are all open to this idea, and so let it in. It seems to get instilled right at birth, almost like a cherished belief. And, on some level, your family has , sorry to say, defined itself by it and gotten off on it, to some extent. In order to remove oneself from this, you yourself need to disconnect from this family acceptance of this idea. You have to, basically, untangle yourself from this group mind set, and no longer accept it. Do this, using the Violet Flame. So, it's not a question of finding a way to protect yourself and others from these attacks. Instead, it's removing yourself from the energy of it – because by believing in it, you accept it as reality, and that keeps you IN FEAR – and fear attracts more of the same to it. By being in fear, you keep yourself ON A LOWER LEVEL OF VIBRATION, and like attracts like. Got it? It's like a collusion you have and your family has, with this negative energy. A belief in violence and victimization. What you believe in is what you get. It's as simple as that.
The issue of "No one understands me" has to do with your inability to speak up for yourself. Do you see how this ties into your belief, as stated above, in violence and victimization? All of this is tied together. If you feel like a victim, whom no one understands, who is all alone, and out in the cold, so to speak, this is a belief that you have no power and are at the mercy of everyone else's energy. It's not up to them to understand you. It's up to you to have enough personal strength and solid foundation to be able to trust in yourself, to value yourself, to enjoy and appreciate what you have to say. THIS is what creates people hearing you. Have you ever tried to speak with someone who speaks with such a low voice or a mumble that no matter how hard you try, you just can't hear them? This is the same kind of thing. If you don't value yourself and have your own, strong center, but come instead from fear – and big time fear seems to be at the core of all of your questions – then how can you create anyone hearing you? That energy will go out, and others will feel it, and it creates no one being able to hear you. It is not a question of not sharing your emotions and being strong in silence, suffering about it. It is a question of exploring and taking responsibility for what, in you, has created this. You are longing for love, longing to be held, but if you come from the belief that you "will be attacked – psychic or otherwise – and you carry all of this need for protection and fear within you, how then, can you open to trusting someone to be in relationship with them? Again, it comes back to either living IN FEAR, or LIVING IN LOVE. Living from a place of love does not mean that you do for everyone else, and take care of everyone else at the expense of your own well being and wishes and needs. Living from a place of love means that you, first and foremost, create your own being as a beautiful work of art. You give yourself all that you need....you live with beauty in and around you. You keep your own self on a high vibration of trusting what is positive and you TRUST YOUR SOURCE, or God, or Universal intelligence- whatever you want to call it. Your family has chosen fear for a long time. That is not choosing Love, or a higher vibration/consciousness. It is crucial that you begin to understand that:
"IT IS SAFE FOR ME TO LOVE MYSELF. IT IS SAFE FOR ME TO CARE FOR MYSELF. I allow my mind to relax and be at peace. Clarity and harmony are within me, and all around me. All is well."
So, use The Violet Flame also to release this pattern of fear, and to work with you to create instead the belief that you are WORTHWHILE, AND AT PEACE.
It is your turn, as you asked, when you choose for it to be your turn. If you choose to live in lack and feeling victimized, with no power, not creating for yourself what you truly desire, and instead you are "waiting for someone else to deliver it to you" - then you are coming from a place of no power – of being the poor thing who slaves and slaves and gives to everyone, and why doesn't anyone then love me back?
It doesn't work that way, but you have thought that it did. It is up to YOU to create what you want by living in alignment with the Laws of the Universe. They state that like attracts like. Whatever you believe in is what you then create and draw to yourself, like a magnet. You have believed that if you are a good girl and martyr yourself and sacrifice yourself, and suffer in silence, somehow that makes you deserving of being loved. It doesn't. All it does it make you alone and suffer. I want you to ponder the following deeply, and work with truly getting it and understanding it:
Responsibility is the ability to BE WHO YOU ARE IN YOUR FULLNESS, without harming yourself or anyone else, and allowing everyone else to also be who they are in their fullness.
This means that it is each person's job – and NO ONE ELSE'S – to take care of themselves and create for themselves the life that they want. It is not your job to take care of others, trying to make things better for them.
If you do not have good boundaries, and if you again believe that you are the poor shmuck person," No one listens to me, I am not worthwhile, etc. " - then that is what you will create regarding how people engage with you. If you decide to explore feeling truly worthwhile, and you come from a solid and true center – not one based on false premises such as "they ought to love me because I am a giving person", etc., then how the outer world responds to you changes. If you believe that it is not ok for anyone to step across your boundary lines, and you speak up and say so, protecting yourself appropriately and setting clear and firm boundaries, because you love and take good care OF YOURSELF, then things change. It is not a question so much of people "crossing the line". It's that you have NOT SET OR ENFORCED any lines....you have not taken care of yourself, and when you don't do that, yes, you will feel trampled. When you know that you are worthwhile, and you DO NOT ALLOW anyone to mistreat you – and this does not mean you do so in an angry or fearful way – it's becomes just very matter of fact...."I love myself, and I am strong within myself", and so you can say to someone, with firmness and clarity: "No, that is not acceptable to me" - and you therefore do not create situations where you allow yourself to be victimized. Your own energy doesn't allow it in your space, or attract it, and you know you have the where with all to firmly take care of such situations, if they do arise.
Again, it is not the world that is dry and severe – even though you do have a depth and richness of heart and spirit, all of these fears and wounds have kept your light "under a bushel", as Christ said. How can your light be received when all of this other stuff is veiling it. As long as you come from fear and old wounds, it cannot shine out and be received, or draw back to itself the light of others.
Those past lives you spoke of have not been resolved – the trauma of them – so the energy of what you feared then is still bleeding through into this life and creating a similar energy. Your challenge/job this lifetime is to heal from them and to create differently – not from fear, not from being a powerless victim who wonders why she isn't loved or why it's not "her turn".....but from self acceptance, self love, self validation, and strength. All of this, The Violet Flame can help you with.
As far as the temple/cult thing goes – this old energy of fear attracted you to it – if you no longer come from fear, these kinds of situations will not be a part of your life. So, it isn't about fighting them – it's about not creating an energy from yourself that pulls you to this sort of thing. Are you starting to see how all of this works? This is still coming from the same thing we have been talking about. If you expect to see people and situations and the world as something bad and threatening and unsafe and victimizing, then that is what you will see and experience. Which energy do you choose to continue to feed; FEAR or LOVE? Whichever one you choose is the one that will grow.
You have to completely turn your way of thinking around. Then it's "your turn". You have gotten used to playing the victim. Try out something better.
Blessings, Ayal
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