"Is it time for me to launch my soul's purpose or take time out and heal myself?"
I'm wondering where my energy and passion has gone. I finally (after 10 years) left my very stressful computer job at an extremely dysfunctional company to pursue my dreams and passions. I was wearing way too many hats, in fact they had to hire an outside company to fulfill all the different jobs I was doing. It's funny how I recreated my family dynamics in the workplace. I tried and tried to make it work and then I realized it's not me. It's not me now and it wasn't me (or my fault) then. The other thing that prompted me to leave is that I had been in this profession for 15 years, and I knew that it no longer served me. It's not what I was meant to do in the world.
I've discovered a passion for teaching cooking classes that deal with natural organic unprocessed healthy foods. I found out that I can get out from behind the computer screen and be in front of people and teach. I'm pretty good at it too and I enjoy it. But I've been unemployed for 3 months now and my passion for my new direction comes and goes. And right now I'm in a huge decline and feel like I'm self-sabotaging. All summer I've been so scattered and unable to focus. I can't seem to get it together. I used to be so very organized. Sometimes I have so many great ideas I don't know what to do first. But sometimes I'm just so tired and don't want to do anything. I've taught one class over the summer and that was great, but then the apathy sets in again. I also don't feel like I've given myself any real time off since leaving my job either, even on days when I'm not doing much in particular. The thought of my new path is always on the back of my mind. I feel disconnected and not in my body, not in the present moment.
I'd love your insight on the blocks that may be in my way. Am I tripping myself up because it's not the right time now and I really need to work on resting and recuperating first? Take some time out to take care of myself? Do I need more education? Sometimes I'd love to take a few months to take some of the trainings I've always wanted to take. But sometimes I think Spirit wants me to be out there in the world teaching and that's where I'll get the education I need. And that I don't need to retreat, I need to be seen. Is it a fear of some kind? I'm so confused and feeling stuck right now. And I don't know what that stuckness is trying to tell me. Any spiritual guidance would be appreciated. Thanks.
The first thing that is showing up is a need for you to move into a state of gratefulness - a state of gratitude and appreciation, and giving thanks to God/spirit/Source. When we do this, we automatically move ourselves into a place where everything is in the proper order, proper timing, and divine flow. Instead of worrying then, what we are doing is accepting that all is happening exactly right, and this enables us to be wide open for whatever comes, living from a place of gratitude and trust, without any obstructions. When we do this, everything falls into place.
The prayer of gratitude is often called the highest frequency prayer. In other words, it is the type of prayer that gets our thoughts, feelings and bodies into a high state of vibration and connection with God. Meister Eckhart is quoted as saying that "if the only prayer we prayed was gratitude, that would suffice".
So, if you start each day by saying out loud 3 things you are grateful for, giving thanks for it, this will propel you into that state. If you like, you can do more then 3, but 3 is a good place to start. Do it with an open heart - In other words, not to rush through it like a rote sort of thing, but really feeling it as you say what you are grateful for, taking deep breaths as you do so and really breathing it in. It doesn't matter how small a thing it is - because in the divine scheme of things, where energy is concerned, there is nothing smaller or bigger then anything else. Noticing a caterpillar, for example, crawling on the ground is just as important as teaching 20 classes. That is why the saying goes that God even notices the fall of a sparrow - because it is all energy - the energy of life - and being grateful is a Whole energy. It can't be divided into pieces or parcels. It just IS. And when you feel it, it's as big a feeling for one thing as it is for any other.
In our minds, when we think of things and try to figure them out rationally or logically, we immediately go into 2 sidedness - into polarity. Well, there is this side, but then there's also this... and we go round and round into good and bad, right and wrong. When we come from the Heart, which is where gratitude comes from, there is no polarity or duality - there is only an intact feeling.
And here's the thing - when you come from gratitude and appreciate the being-ness of all other things in life, then you begin to know that Life feels the same way about YOU! That YOU are also treasured and valued and appreciated - that you have an important and unique place in the scheme of things. That you are wanted and will be received also, with great appreciation and gratitude.
So, your challenge and mission here is to learn to move from your head into your Heart. When you find yourself spinning around in your mind, take a deep breath or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 and breathe into your heart. Just be with your heart space for a while - feel what it feels to live there, from that place. Let it fill with Light. Then breathe that Light back into the world as you exhale. Enjoy it! It feels great.
As a help with this, to open your Heart, I invite you to practice the following. Spend 3 days with each of the following, playing with it and focusing on it...
- A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
- An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
- A loss of interest in judging other people.
- A loss of interest in judging self.
- A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
- A loss of interest in conflict.
- A loss of the ability to worry.
- Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
- Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
- Frequent attacks of smiling.
- An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
- An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.
To help support you in all of this, I recommend that you order the following essential oils: Your system works well with essential oils. You can order them from Leela at firstname.lastname@example.org. I suggest that you lightly spray them on you, like a mist that you walk through, twice a day for 2 months.
Harmony: Hyssop, spruce, lavender, frankincense, geranium, ylang ylang, orange, sandalwood, angelica, sage lavender, rose, rosewood, lemon, palmarosa, bergamot, roman chamomile, jasmine. These help to establish spiritual and emotional harmony. May also bring about physical and emotional healing by bringing emotional balance to the chakras, allowing us to relax and feel secure. Having harmony allows many things to come to balance and fruition. Reduces stress and allows flow, creating an overall feeling of well being.
Transformation: Lemon, peppermint, sandalwood, frankincense, clary sage, balsam fir, rosemary cineol, cardamom. These are powerfully energizing and stimulating to the conscious mind, allowing for the support necessary when making changes, especially mental and emotional changes. Helps to stimulate the mind and strengthen one's resolve when dealing with difficult decisions, especially when related to a change in one's belief system.
Sacred Mountain: Spruce, ylang ylang, Idaho balsam fir, cedarwood. Protection, empowerment, and grounding are created by the predominance of conifer oils. May help one to find security and sacredness within oneself. In addition, it is anti-bacterial and very soothing to the respiratory system. Helps emotional balance.