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"I'm stuck in a place in my life where I don't feel any movement"

I feel like I'm stuck in a place in my life where I don't feel any movement. I am in a relationship with a woman who is committed unequivocally to the care of an ailing ex at what I feel is at the expense of us. She tells me she's committed to me and us and is working to move away from this care but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I question her involvement, she gets really defensive and tells me I make her feel inadequate because I'm never satisfied and things really "aren't that bad." I have started a business that seemed to be moving pretty well and now seems to be stalled and I don't see how I'll be able to get out from under the weight of the debt I've found myself in.

I have a condition called "frozen shoulder" that doesn't seem to be making progress towards healing and the doctors tell me it could be a year before I see any true healing. I just feel so overwhelmed and don't feel like I have much support from those around me. I am extremely irritable and just want to escape from everyone and everything. I feel like the past 7 years have been marked mostly by pain, anguish, and frustration. What can I do you move away from this place and feel some health and positivity? Thanks so much!


Hi. Glad you wrote in. Let's get started...

The first thing, and the core issue, actually, for you, that is showing up is about not trusting the process of life. Because of this, you are looping around in, as you said, a lot of backed up anger and frustration. So, the place to begin is to see if you can discover where you lost your trust in life, where you lost your trust, your belief, that good things and right action would take place, that life is good and can be trusted, instead of "wrong" things and "wrong" action happening. You are currently pouring all of your energy into believing that wrong things will happen, so they do.This energy would include any number of things - a main one would probably be how you view other people, - perhaps you are impatient and look at them with a judgmental attitude and see them as being inadequate or threatening – you probably have a lot of pent up anger over not getting what you need ( a belief that your needs can't or won't ever get met ), and how you 'think" people treat you ( not being there for you, not doing it "right"), etc. This belief actually creates an anti-flow – it creates others moving away from you, and because you believe that others can't be trusted, part of you WANTS to make others move away from you, push them away, as a means to be safe. However, it's a disconnect from life, rather than the connection you actually so yearn for - because it puts out into the universe toxic, untrue energy. We're either coming from Love, or Fear. And when we come from fear, things jam up, tense up, get rigid (frozen shoulder) and can't flow or connect.

It's as if you are growling inside at everyone, fearing them, not trusting that they will love you or take care of you - so how can you get support from anyone or anything when you are growling in fear and anger at them, rather than connecting from love and trust? If you are putting out this form of distrust and hostility, actually, out of your own woundedness, out of that place where deep down you fear you're just not worth loving, just not good enough, then that is what gets brought back to you.

You may think it's others, but all of the situations that are not flowing are just a mirror for you of what's going on inside of you. Behind all of that, however, is your Fear. And that is what you need to explore and discover. What that fear is about. All of the growling and irritation is actually part of a survival and defense strategy that you evolved to protect yourself as a child – we all do the best we can as children to protect ourselves when we have limited data about what's really going on – we don't know how to define the wound, explore it, and heal it – no one usually teaches us that – so we do the best we can to protect ourselves from what we 'think" are dangers to us. So now you want to, and need to, dismantle the old survival strategies and get to the heart of the matter, and heal yourself from within. And that's great.

So – Frustration. What is it really? It's YOUR OWN anger at yourself - you may think it's there because of what others "do" or don't do - but it's your own anger because of what you believe about yourself. Where do you feel inadequate? Where are you angry at yourself or think you "should" be better or have done it better, or just aren't good enough? That's the place of fear and terror that you need to confront and dismantle.

When you don't trust that you will be taken care of – when you don't trust that the right things will happen, can happen, well, then, they don't. The Universe can only give you back what you believe in – so, if you believe that others will abandon you, or betray you, or not love you, then you create that happening as a theme, as a constant pattern that threads itself into and through everything in your life. The belief that wrong things will happen is a living energy pattern radiating out from you, that runs in you, and sets up a matching vibration, or pattern, that comes back to you in various and myriad forms, and creates your world for you. Your partner nailed it when she said "things aren't that bad," but because out of your fear you see things as "wrong," or inadequate," or "bad," life feels that way to you. Lots of fear there to release. It's tied in with shame. What's that about? Big thing to check out, there.

Because you have this core wound to heal, this life lesson of learning to move into love, to let go of shame (lack of self acceptance) and as you said, "positive energy" - because you have a sense of inadequacy – basically, what we do, when we don't own the energy patterns as living in us, or radiating out of us, we project them onto other people and situations – as your partner said, she feels this energy and takes it on as you "making" her feel inadequate. Of course, she could only feel that and glom onto this if she has her own inadequacy beliefs and energetic patterns also.

So I'm sure that there is a matching energy pattern there that you both have and came in to heal. But the only way to shift it, is to shift that energy pattern within yourself. Projecting an energy out on others is like gluing it onto them, or tossing your garbage onto them (and we all do it, unconsciously, until we become more conscious of what's going on and how to heal it), rather than pulling it out from the roots from within oneself. That's part of what this journey is all about. And like you, when the pain finally becomes too much, we take it upon ourselves to heal.

O the physical level, you need to clean out your lymph system. There are various ways to do this. Check it out with a naturopathic doctor or go online to see what's available.

The frozen shoulder is all about "where do I fit"? It's all about your sense of yourself. Because you don't feel as if you fit in anywhere, you have a need to escape, and the frozen shoulder is a manifestation of this. One can't be responsible for oneself, right, if you can't "shoulder it", right? All of this involves inner child work. It's all about self acceptance.

Taking the flower essence Elm will help you to release your anxiety also. 3 drops under the tongue 3 times a day for 3 weeks. You can look that up on line and order it. It's for feeling that you have to do everything alone. Check out where that belief came from – again — if you don't trust life or others to be there for you, then you have to take over control of it all yourself, right? And then you feel alone and exhausted and angry. Find the fear, the untrue beliefs, release it, and all of this will change. Easy to say - But it takes ongoing inner work, and there are always layers and branches to it. So, keep digging and exploring and healing as the different layers within you expose themselves to be dealt with.

We all come in to heal our wounds and learn our life lessons – so it's great that you are reaching out and ready to do this. You are needing to grow your own foundation of self love and support – and to do this, we have to go in and allow the wound to drain. Whole Heart healing is a great tool for this, to start with.

Blessings, Ayal

next 484. "I want to make our marriage work but don't know how"

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