"I have a big problem with money... my financial life is a mess"
Hi Ayal, I have a big problem with money. My financial life is a mess. I'm terrible with money management, saving money and I'm in considerable credit card debt. I just have this uncontrollable urge to spend, spend, spend money that I don't have, and money that I do have. I feel like I can't control myself. Like I might have an addiction. At times I do manage to have a savings account but I always end up spending whatever I have in it. I live at home and my mother supports me even though I'm way old enough to support myself. It seems as though there is a part of me that believes I can't handle my own life and this belief is very deeply ingrained. I have trouble finding employment and I'm scared if I don't stop I'll eventually end up on the street. Could you give me some insight as to why I have this problem and what can I do to stop this destructive habit and fix my financial life?
Hi - Well, what is going on for you here is that you are terrified, and you are trying to find an anchor and take care of yourself and your fear by nurturing yourself through spending money - trying, in other words, to fill yourself up with the love and safety you need. The trouble is, that feeling of safety can only come from within you - from your own connection to your true self and to the love that is inherent in Source energy. All of our issues and dysfunctional patterns get in the way of this connection, and the journey we are on is to get those patterns wiped clean, like removing dust from the windshield of a car, so that we can operate with clarity and see things as they really are. We see life through all of that dust, and so it's hard to drive or navigate, and then we get scared. We have to keep on wiping the windshield (exploring and transforming those old distorted energy patterns) while at the same time creating an inner foundation of strength and wisdom. It's like lifting weights - you have to keep on building the strength of those inner muscles through various healing techniques that work for you, whether that be meditation, or a yoga practice, or visualizations, or other modalities, etc.
For you, there are some things here that I want to suggest and offer you to build those inner muscles so that you develop the ability to trust yourself, love yourself, and connect to your Inner source. When you have built a strong and clear and solid foundation, that is when your life begins to turn itself around and you begin to be able to create a healthy life. Remember that anything we choose to use to help us attain this foundation of strength takes time and steady work - that is why it is called "a practice". You have to keep it up, keep on making your way, and using the resources that feel right and appropriate to you.
One of the first and basic things you need to understand is that, as Wayne Dyer put it so succinctly: "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
The first and foremost healing we must begin with is our choice to let go of old ways of thinking and seeing and believing. Usually there is a resistance to this, as most all of us fear change. We are afraid, terrified, on a deep level, that if we let go of what has held us together, even if what we have used to hold ourselves together is dysfunctional and unhealthy, even if we are holding ourselves together badly and barely, we fear that if we let go of it, we will shatter into a million pieces.
That is not true, however. That's like someone drowning in the ocean, and holding onto a raft that is breaking apart, and a ship comes by to save them, but they won't let go of the raft. So, we have to find the source of our fear, which we usually have tucked away as a deep dark secret we don't want to see or admit to ourselves. The amazing thing is that, when we have built enough of an inner foundation of loving and trusting and valuing ourselves, when we finally unearth these secrets and take them out to look at them, they aren't so scary. But whenever we experience pain or upset, what happens is that we disconnect - we disconnect from ourselves and from life - we actually energetically leave our bodies in order not to have to feel some scary or painful emotion.
Instead of doing that, we need to be able to stay grounded, in our center, connected, in the present moment. If we don't do that, how then can we get the lesson and the next wonderful step and understanding that we are being given in our life journey? But first, again, we have to Trust the journey - trust Spirit, trust ourselves , trust Life - then we can open to receiving what is being shown to us in each and every moment - then we can see and understand what wonderful teaching is coming to us. The trick to life and healing is to first of all be able to see what is happening in a new way - to see what the lesson in the experience or situation is for you - what it has come to teach you or show you about yourself so that you can grow (which is a form of love, coming to you from the Universe).We also have to find where we lost that trust. If we are creating from a distorted energy, our situations will show us that, and if we learn how to see it from this new reference point, then we can say "Oh - this situation got created because within me there is a pattern of believing that _______________ " (you fill in what that is, once you find it). Then you change that belief. This is the process of self discovery which allows us to move from unhealthy to healthy, from unsafe to safe, from the raft to the boat - to a better way of thinking and seeing and feeling and believing.
So - What does being "grounded" or truly connected actually mean? Most of us have heard the term before, but may not know really what it means to ground our selves, or how to do it.
Being grounded allows us to bring consciousness or awareness into the body - this is essential because it provides an anchor. Anchoring makes us stronger, less vulnerable, able to tolerate the forces of life. It also connects us to the earth, rooting us to the energies of nature and the planet. We are so bombarded by cultural media images that are UN-natural, that finding ways to stay connected to our bodies and the rhythms of nature are essential. When we are alienated from these, trouble follows. Examples of this might be feeling "spacey", anxious, unstable, or having difficulty with good boundaries- literally unable to "stand on our own two feet".
Grounding occurs in the lower body, in keeping our feet and legs in contact with the earth. We receive energy from the earth and our connection to it that helps stabilize us and allows us to feel more solid. Those who study energy, including myself, have noticed that many people with addictive problems are actually using them to try to help them feel grounded. The problem is, it doesn't work.
Anything that causes our energy to feel out of balance, that causes us to send our energy outwards, instead of inward to our center, leaves us vulnerable to disconnection. It is in these moments of disconnection, of not being grounded in our center, some would even call it a form of dissociation, when we are going to find our selves doing things we often regret. How can you make good choices, if you are not "present"? Answering this question will help greatly in your quest to find peace in your body around money and everything else! Part of the reason the disconnection is so tricky is because we LIKE IT!!!! There is temporary relief in the disconnection- a break from painful thoughts and feelings, self-talk, all of it.
This gets back to how to stay present, which is about how to stay in your body, grounded and in the present moment. It sounds simple, but it's a big challenge for those of us who use food, money, sex, or any other addiction to balance our emotions.
TRY THIS: The first step, as with most problem solving is to notice when you are beginning to disconnect. Start to observe your self in various situations where you find yourself doing something that you know is an old, addictive pattern.What is happening for you at these times? Are you alone? Is it after difficult encounters with certain people? Who or what is triggering you in a way that you need to try to feel better (you have disconnected) through spending money?
Then, feel your feet firmly planted on the earth, feel your body and feel yourself in every part of your body - feel, through your feet, the love the Earth has for every living thing, and bring that energy up through the soles of your feel into every part of you. Breathe it in into every cell. Send your roots down, like a tree, and bring up life sustaining love and energy.
We go into addictions and distortions because we fear loss. We fear loss because we are not connected to what is our true source of energy. It is a belief, a deep fearful and terrified belief, in SCARCITY. That there isn't enough to go around, that includes oneself not being enough, not good enough.
Here is some great information from Catherine Ponder, a wonderful spiritual teacher:
The thought of loss, lodged in the various levels of your mind causes many of life's difficulties. If you could trace back in memory the cause of the unhappy experiences in your life, you would doubtless discover that most experiences of ill health, financial difficulties, and relationship problems were related to a belief in loss. You will often hear people say, "My problem began when I lost my ______________ ."
The word loss literally means destruction. The thought of loss held in the mind is a destructive one. If you cling to the thought of loss, it can ruin your health, take away your prosperity, and destroy your peace of mind, as well as your personal happiness. A belief in present and future fulfillment blots out previous beliefs in loss. You can establish such a strong belief in present and future fulfillment by realizing that:
There is no loss in God, or in all the universe.
You can't lose your good. When it seems you have, it is because your good has simply changed form. The old good is good that you have outgrown, so let it go!
The word "restore" means to make beautiful again. Spiritual decrees of Divine restoration, using your thoughts in positive ways, blot out previous beliefs in loss, and make your life beautiful again. There are returning cycles when you are again given a chance at an opportunity that you had previously let slip from you. These returning cycles come in "Divine timing," when you are ready for them in your spiritual growth.
Stop dwelling on apparent losses in your life, and start looking for the growth and gain that came through them. For every loss there HAS been a gain, so drop the loss and take the gain!
As you affirm in positive prayer, Divine restoration, so much good can be added to the present that it seems even to fill the emptiness of the past. In the process, whatever has been taken from you is Divinely restored. No matter what the stakes or unfortunate experiences you have had in the past, you can still overcome them and make a comeback to a good life by dwelling on Divine Restoration.
When your good seems to have been withheld or taken, it is because your own attitudes and actions have withheld that - not the attitudes or actions of others. There is a spiritual secret: The good that you have not recognized or claimed in the past has not been lost. It has become dammed-up in the invisible, awaiting your recognition and claim of it. The good that seems lost from the past is still yours, in whatever present form is for your highest good. When you decree Divine Restoration, you release that stored-up good. Decrees of Divine Restoration can bring new prosperity, health, and love into your life, quickly and in God's order.
Always there is a balancing, restoring power for good at work in every person and in every experience of loss. Instead of trying to force your good, affirm in prayer that it is now Divinely restored in God's own time and way. Then your good of past and present can still appear. So, now, after digesting all of that, (take your time, and re-read it as necessary - and I invite you to download it and read this often), I want to offer you a regimen of spiritual practices to do. this may feel like a lot, but do what feels right to you, find a rhythm with it that works for you - be consistent with what you do choose, but don't get overwhelmed - just find your own routine that works. If it doesn't feel right to do it all, then don't, or, you can do some and then include others when it feels right.
To start you building this inner foundation, I invite you to do the following: set up a daily routine for yourself doing these practices, just like doing a gym or work out routine:
Begin your day by saying the following:
Next: Get hold of the Merkaba Meditation CD by Drunvalo and do the entire meditation (there are 2 of them), on the CD. It takes about a half hour or a bit more. It's great stuff, and you'll feel wonderful afterwards! (Also see my article, Merkaba Meditation.)
Before bed, say this prayer:
"The forgiving love of Great Spirit has set me free from the past, and from the results of mistakes of the past. I face the future wise, free, and unafraid. No matter what the mistakes or unfortunate experiences I have had in the past, I can still overcome them and make a comeback to a good way of life with Your help, dear God.
"I realize that my good wants me as much as I want it. I know that there is a Divine solution to every situation. I give thanks that this appears now. I give thanks for Divine Restoration in every area of my life. Divine Restoration is now doing its perfect work for all involved, and the perfect results appear. I give thanks that every financial obligation is now being met in God's own wise and wonderful way. My good can not be withheld for me. Somewhere, somehow, someday the good that seems lost in this experience will be restored to me and to my family. My good will come to us, at the right time, in the right way, through the right channels. My good was not lost in that experience. The good will still reappear.
"I now call upon the power of Divine Restoration. My good of the past and present is now Divinely restored to me. All the blessings that should have been mine are still available to me, in whatever present form is best. They have NOT been lost. They still come forth in God's own way and in perfect ways. I claim my present blessings also. The good that is for me now presses upon me, and I accept it. I am receiving now. I am receiving my highest good of mind, body, and situations in my life now. My accumulated good of past and present now pours forth into my life as a rich blessing. This is a time of Divine fulfillment. I welcome my accumulated good now. I give thanks for Divine Restoration in mind, in body, and every situation of my life. Amen."
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment.
This is the only moment. I am safe in the Loving arms of Spirit."
(Repeat 3 times to return to your center.)
Remember, as you do this, you are asking silently that each area you are visualizing be cleared and brought back to perfect health and functioning. Then you move up to the heart and visualize a glowing spinning wheel of emerald green light there. Then on up to the throat, where you clear that area by seeing a beautiful spinning wheel of sky blue light. Then up to the brow, the center of the forehead, where you see a glowing, gently spinning wheel of indigo light. Then to the crown of the head, where you see a beautiful, gently spinning wheel of violet light.
Even if you are not adept at being visual or seeing these colors, just by saying to yourself that that color is there will begin the healing for you.
To finish, surround yourself with a beautiful, glowing white light. Visualize it totally filling you up from head to toe as well. There are actually minor chakras, or light intersection points, which function and serve as intersecting energy vortexes in the body, bringing energy into the physical body from the universal energy grid. Besides the major seven centers, these minor chakra points number144, to be exact. Simply ask that they all be lit up with white light - similar to imagining oneself lit up like a bright starry sky or a Christmas tree.
This will help immensely to get you back in balance. Clearing the chakras is a very important way to stay healthy and in balance. Deepak Chopra has a great book out, in tape form as well, called Magical Mind, Magical Body about this. Also, Caroline Myss, one of the great clairvoyant, intuitive healers of our time has a wonderful, inspiring and fascinating book out called 'Anatomy of the Spirit', that goes into a profound explanation of the chakras and what we are dealing with in each one. Either of both of these would be wonderful to read. They are both deeply enjoyable reading.
There is a hole in your aura that needs to be repaired. So, here is something else you need to do, just 2 times, within a 2 day period. Here's how you do it:
Stand with your arms upraised at a 60 degree angle each from the body, with fingers closed, thumbs out. Hold for one minute. You can also accompany this with what is called the Breath of Fire. This is a very fast, non stopping breath, through the nose, in and out as fast as you can. It's important not to do this breath too long to start with, as it is very powerful and you can get very woozy or pass out if you do it too much. So, start with it a bit it a time as you do this exercise until you can do it for a full minute. It is a deeply purifying breath and does create a fiery energy in the body. Be sure to drink a lot of water all day and immediately afterwards to flow out the toxins.
An important healing tool to use to feel what it is like to be in your own energy, to get clear of distortions and connections that you are holding onto that are inappropriate, or other energy that may be holding onto you in an unhealthy way, is to sit in meditation and using inner vision, scan your body, both the front and the back. Energetic connections, or cords, can be sensed, and some people even have the ability to see them. If you see or sense a cord attached to you from another, or a cord going out from you to something or someone else, you can imagine yourself cutting the cords and allowing the energy to return where it belongs.
You can also state this, as you cut the cords:
When the cords have been cut, surround yourself with a beautiful cocoon of glowing, white light, and state:
"I now am willing to connect with my Divine Source of energy, and I allow only the Highest Vibration of Love to connect me to others, and others to me."
As part of your on-going spiritual practice, identify which of these following twelve Inner Peace items are still challenging for you at this time. Practice taking one and work with it for 8 days. Then do the next one.
- Tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fear based on past experiences.
- An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
- Loss of interest in judging the self.
- Loss of interest in judging other people.
- Loss of interest in conflict.
- Loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
- Loss of ability to worry (this is a serious symptom).
- Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
- Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
- Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes of the heart.
- Increasing susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.
- Increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen.
And just for fun - to get a sense of the love that there is waiting for you in the Universe, here's something to read often and enjoy:
Tech Support: Yes Ma'am... how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart ma'am?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge, Resentment and Anger running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge, Resentment and Anger. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge, Resentment and Anger have completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started to install itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry ma'am. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Can you pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Negative Self-Talk and Judging Others from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My Heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So now Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn
share it with others and return some cool modules and Love Upgrades back to you.
Customer: I promise to do just that. By the way, what's your name?
Tech Support: Just call me the Divine Cardiologist, or just "I AM." Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy; but, the manufacturer (ME) suggests a daily maintenance schedule for maximum Love efficiency.