Trans4mind Home Page
Clearing the Way

"I'm really having trouble standing up for myself"

Hi Ayal, I'm having some 3rd chakra issues. I'm really having trouble standing up for myself, giving my power away to others, and just having the "fire" to grab hold of opportunities, and I guess you can say life. When I do stand up for myself, I feel like something is going to happen to me. When I do have a point of view, I allow for the other person to change my mind. It may go as far as, for example, I might have seen or heard something, but if the other person says, no you didn't hear what you heard or see what you have seen, I will immediately second guess myself, and agree with the other person. I can't believe that I'm so manipulated. The only time I truly speak up for myself is if I put myself in a state of rage. I can't seem to even out my anger, just about making myself ill. There's also the lack of "get up and go" that comes with grabbing opportunities.

I've had these issues throughout my life and I'm just now taking inventory of my past and noticing individual incidents. There just seems to be a complete breakdown in my first 3 chakras, especially my 3rd. I'm tired of being scared of being assertive and/or powerful, compromising myself, and not having that inner "fire", strength or will. I want to work on building these qualities in myself, but I'm not sure of how to go about it. Could you give me some insight on how to approach working on this issue? I was thinking about building up my core with exercises, and kundalini yoga to bring "stuck" energy up out of me, and meditation, but which method should I concentrate on or is there something else I should be doing?


Hi. This is a great question, and the fact that you see this in yourself means that you are already in process with it - it is already cooking within you to change and transform. The first part of beginning to heal anything is to become aware of it, and then to be willing to allow it to change. Come from a place of Faith, of knowing that it's all as it is supposed to be, and you are exactly where you need to be to be learning what you came in to learn. This right away puts you in a place of strength and trust in yourself and All That Is.

The environment you grew up in is a major factor for you regarding this issue. Check in to see what the balance of masculine energy to feminine energy looked like in your family - did one subjugate or dominate the other? If so, then that needs to be brought into balance. You can do a meditation where you ask to meet both the masculine part of yourself and the feminine part of yourself. See what's going on for each - converse with them individually and see what they need, and be willing to work with each to give them what they need. Also see how they interact together, and then work with this to bring this into harmony and equality, respect, and balance. This is a great meditation to do. Check out any fears that arise as you tune into this issue - bring in the Light and ask for Divine help to heal this. This is one way to heal some of your 1st chakra issues.

And now - the environment you choose to place yourself in will be equally important. You are needing to, and it is very important that you:

  1. get out in Nature

  2. and Exercise daily! Find a routine that works for you. At least 40 minutes a day. Use your willpower and your love of developing the wisdom and integrity and strength within you that you treasure to follow through on this.

When you connect to Nature, something magical happens. I think we become more aware of who we truly are, out in Nature - we become calm, and we get grounded in who we really are - it creates a feeling of expansion and beauty and safety all at the same time, (no matter what is going on in Nature, it teaches us that it's all perfect - the process of birth and change and growth and recycling is all exactly what it needs to be - and all is being nurtured and loved and cradled in this great nursery of Life) and this is what you will absorb and take into yourself.

Nature is one of the greatest healers. Spend as much time out in it, by yourself if possible, as you can. Tune into the rootedness and power that trees have to hold themselves steady and upright, fully connected to the earth, yet reaching toward and embracing infinity with absolute grace and power and trust.

And when you exercise, YOU are the one doing this for YOURSELF. No one else can move your muscles for you - no one else feels the strengthening of your being that comes with using your willpower to get stronger. So, you begin to develop more of a sense of who you are, feeling the power that courses through you, being aware that it is you having the power to do this and give this to yourself.

Your challenge here is to manifest your own integrity and wisdom, and to do that you need to find your own higher principles, what you choose to live by, from within yourself. And you have to love those principles enough, and believe in them so much, that your desire to keep them secure and unsullied is stronger then your fear. You are here to learn, among other things, how to enhance and strengthen your ability to process and clear energies such as fear.

One way to do this is to become aware of, and feel, all the love you have in your life when you begin to find yourself slipping into fear. Cultivate and honor this love. In this way, you honor yourself (which IS a 3rd chakra issue) and strengthen yourself, merging into a higher vibration. Just take a deep breath when you begin to feel fear. It's ok to feel it - give yourself permission to feel it by saying "OH - this is what fear feels like. It is simply another sensation. Hmmmm... interesting." Then, exhale it, and using your power of choice, switch gears, like flipping on a light switch, and choose love.

Love is a choice that you can make minute by minute. Think of something you love - it can be anything - a sunset, for example. Breathe in the beauty and wonder of it, and then feel your own groundedness in it - feel the strength and deep peace of that love within you - and then you can look at the person you are speaking with and come from THAT place. Let that beauty and the energy of that sunset/love flow up from your heart and out of your eyes, and speak and make decisions form that place of security and strength and safety and calmness.

One of your lessons this time around is actually a 5th chakra issue, and that is the emotional and mental challenge of learning about the nature and power of choice. It is all about the capacity to make decisions knowing that no matter what decision we make, we can keep our word (integrity - our sense of who we truly are) to ourselves and to another. When you give of yourself from this place of deep authenticity, it is an amazing thing. It is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and to another, for it is you standing in the Light and allowing that light to flow out into the moment and do all the wonderful things that Light does. It feels clean and clear, like a delicious gentle breeze that everyone enjoys taking a deep breath of. This is your path, at least for now, to your own spiritual awakening.

Blessings, Ayal

next 473. "I fell in love with a guy who is Jewish, married and remains trapped"

Click here to donate & send a question to Ayal:
Clearing the Way   |   Laws of the Universe   |   Recommended Links