"I feel I need to heal the relationship with my mother before I can leave"
I have been planning on relocating to another city for several months now. I sold my apartment, paid off my debt, made reservations at a hotel in the new city and was supposed to leave this coming Sunday with my puppy. However, I ended up breaking a toe and spraining an ankle a few days apart recently. Therefore, I am "stuck" for another 2-3 weeks until they heal - as I cannot walk. My puppy and I have been staying with my mother over the past few months, as I finalized the sale of my apartment and moved some furniture back to her place.
I feel that my departure has been delaid because I still have a hard time loving and forgiving my mother - especially when she says mean things to me that are hurtful. And I feel that I am not supposed to leave until I learn how to overcome these feelings towards her. I definitely believe that I still need to go - as I feel that I am about to begin a new phase in my life and am very excited about it. Also, I imagine that the fact that I hurt my feet has to do with issues with my first chakra and that I must have issues with standing up for myself and believing that I can support myself financially.
What do you think? What are you feeling about my situation with these "falls", my upcoming relocation and my relationship with my mom?
Well, what I get about the falls is that it is an issue about not feeling defeated - an issue about knowing that it is safe for you to love and approve of yourself. It is time to explore any energetic patterns regarding issues of feeling defeated that you are still carrying around.
It is always good to heal issues regarding your connection with others. And it is also important to express yourself honestly to others when it is appropriate to do so. There is an issue showing up for you regarding a lack of discipline. To obtain inner freedom, which correlates to the outer freedom you are seeking in this move, discipline must be embraced. You are needing to be disciplined and brave and to take the action you need to take in order to create this new life for yourself. This fall can, on one level, be due to some fears you have about doing this - thus, a delaying strategy. To help with this, I invite you to do 2 things:
1) Sit quietly in meditation or prayer mode, and say the following, 3 times a day for the next 3 months:
What is going on with your mother is an issue for you of love and hatred mixed up together - 4th, or heart chakra stuff. I invite you to read Caroline Myss's book, 'Anatomy of the Spirit', and focus especially on the 4th chakra information. To help you with this, I invite you to say the following, 2 times a day for the next 2 months:
It will be important for you NOT to get embroiled back into the issues with your mom. One issue that you have going with her is the issue of Incomplete Bonding when you were born. At some point, it will be good to deal with that via visualizations and energy work. Maybe in about 2 months from now. Your challenge presently, and it's a good one, will be not to fall back into old patterns with her, or with how you feel about yourself in her energy. (Keep the Venus energy going for you, and maintain the discipline you need to see beauty everywhere, to love and approve of and appreciate yourself, regardless of whether or not she is capable of doing that. YOU can do that for yourself.)
Release remorse. Release any remorse you may have about your mother and how she has interacted with you. See her as a teacher for you. What is the Brilliance and Purpose of you having her as your mom? What core, life lessons are you learning? How can you use this relationship and its lessons to evolve into a stronger, more compassionate being? Claim that YOU created this relationship, as it is, for your own learning and life lessons. Claim your power by seeing that, and use her as a mirror to face some of your own stuff.
Also, if you can attend or participate in a high consciousness workshop or council of women, where women are working on their stuff and supporting one another, that would be great for you.