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"What I am missing the most in my life is a spiritual family"

Dear Ayal, I've been going through a cycle of depression for the last month and a half and I do not understand it. This is what I am seeking guidance about. I've experienced depression off and on all my life since my youth. Over the years I have done much healing work from various therapies to working with naturopaths and now a holistic M.D. who is very good and has helped me immeasurably. I am living my life with integrity, truth, and honor. I've developed good boundaries, gotten to know who I am and what I value. I have a lot in my life that is extremely fulfilling. I don't have pressures around work, I am self-employed doing bodywork with animals and people and work part-time for an entruepenour with my own schedule. I do have a support system of healthy friends. I feel I live a balanced and full life but yet I experience this chemical imbalance.

I did notice the change shortly after setting some stringent boundaries with my biological family. It was heartbreaking but I knew I needed to make the choice I did for my own protection and for their highest interest as well. I am also going through a divorce after being separated 1 1/2 years. I spent much time with this decision, really feeling into whether this was best thing for all concerned and I absolutely believe that it is.

I feel like what I am missing the most in my life is a spiritual family. A group of people with to connect, share, grow, support and be supported by. And eventually an intimate relationship. But I'm not chasing the relationship, I'm trusting all will happen in the universe's timing. But I am in need of emotional, spiritual, and consistant relating with other humans. I am looking and seeking but don't seem to find a place or group that is in alignment with my values. And I'm not willing compromise myself just to be a part of.

Lately I have been using some substances in minor amounts to give me relief from the symptoms and just to feel normal and somehow connected. I know this is not the answer and I know I am earnestly seeking for answers and truth. If you can give some insight into what it is that I can do to help myself I would be very appreciative.


Hi - thanks for writing in. Let's get started then.

There is something going on within you that you don't want to release, that has some anger attached to it - a belief you hold that you think it isn't safe to let go of it. You think you still need it to be safe, but you don't. Check into areas where your pride may prevent you from forgiving, accepting, or loving.

Due to this, you are feeling very perturbed, and so I invite you to say the following prayer twice in a 2 week period:

"To my Guardian Angels: my heart is heavy with hurt, anger, and guilt. I want to make sure that I do what is for the Highest Good of all. Therefore I ask your help and guidance. Please talk with _____________ (people you have had great difficulty with) and help him/her/them to understand me better. Please help us all get past our pride, fears, wounds, past history, and egos, and to express our true love for one another. I ask your help in bringing peace to this situation. Thank you."
Know that real connection is possible when our minds bridge the gap of limitations and consider new possibilities. You may have experienced a great deal of critical parent energy - to help release this, you can use a Grace point found on your left hand. Grace is the freely given favor and love of God/Spirit/Source, to regenerate us. The point you need to use is found between your thumb and pointer finger, in that soft area. Hold that area with the fingers of your other hand for a while throughout the day. This releases issues, judgments, beliefs, emotions, that have been passed on through the DNA or taken on through family connections.

An affirmation and intention that would be very powerful for you to do, in meditation is this: Say and meditate on the following ( you can also ask your Archangels and Spirit Guides to help you with this):

"I am drawing my DNA cells back into alignment so that they will again provide access to all knowledge contained within its structure, for my Highest Good, and the Highest Good of All."
When a relationship is destructive, it is good to be able to let go of it without experiencing disabling depression. I think that you are right on target in seeing that your depression may stem from this break with your family. A break is exactly that, though - something broken that in some way needs to be healed. It WOULD be very good for you to create for yourself a confidential circle of friends to support one another. How about extending an invitation to some women you know and feel trusting of to meet, say, twice a month and share spiritual insights, explore new areas for growth together - you can set it up as a potluck at someone's house, eat and nurture one another first, and then move on to some fun explorations together - you can even rotate houses where to meet, and you can all bring in different things you want to share and explore. There are some great spiritual card decks to use, mandalas to draw, all sorts of ceremonies or guided visualizations you can have fun playing with.

Meditation daily is very important for you to keep the energy flowing. Also, on the physical plane, check out ways to physically keep your Circulatory System healthy and moving well.

Check out also the possibility of some allergies affecting you. Allergies can do a lot of things to the emotional body as well as the physical one.

Work with Gratitude daily. Although it may sound like a clich , an attitude of gratitude is a HUGE healing energy and force in the Universe. Find something to be grateful for, in each situation, and then allow your body to actually FEEL that energy within you.

One of the life experiences you came in to have is this: To obtain inner freedom, discipline must be embraced. Somewhere you are lacking in discipline. What is this about?

There is definitely an issue of Helplessness going on - there is more to do in you learning to stand up for yourself, but perhaps the message is to learn to do so without anger or trauma, fear, or woundedness behind it. This is a wood element imbalance which can be dealt with if you go to someone who specializes in Chinese medicine.

Check into any eating disorders you may have. A good remedy for this is the flower essence California Pitcher Plant. It helps one meet life with courage, strength, and vigor by a healthy strengthening of the life forces. It is for those who tend to be afraid of their animal instincts, or instinctual forces, which makes sense if you feel helpless or have difficulty standing up for yourself. I think it would be good for you to take 2 drops 5 times a day, under the tongue, for 3 months. You also could use the flower remedy Indian Paintbrush, which is used to bring vitality to creative expression. It develops vigorous forces of will for those who have difficulty supporting the intensity of creative work - for those who have creative inspiration but who have frustration in acting upon it. 4 drops 2 times a day for 2 months. You can order these essences from The Flower Essence Society. Their phone number is 530/265-9163.

Also, doing some clearing with the 3rd chakra is important for you - learning to honor yourself. To do this, see a beautiful, glowing sun yellow wheel of light at your navel, spinning clockwise gently. Spend time with this in meditation, and ask that it be restored to its perfect balance, that whatever needs to be corrected is corrected, and whatever needs to be released is released.

Remember in your life to Seek only the Truth, even if this means facing things that may be difficult or painful, initially, to face in yourself. Perhaps this is where the discipline is needed. The key is not to judge yourself or others, but to come from a Higher Truth, which is that we are all learning and growing, and that we are all God in human form having an experience here on this planet. We are here to enjoy what we create. Remember to see that God Spark in everyone, and not get caught up in their illusions (their issues and glitches in their process) or your own as we all go about this journey of living - see through the crap that people go through on their process, and see if you can see right into the heart of who they, and you, truly are - which is God.

It's sort of like seeing through a superimposed form/image that is made up of their "stuff' - seeing behind that into the glowing Light Being they really are. All the other stuff is simply an illusion - it isn't real - it's only a temporary spider web they have wandered into and gotten temporarily caught in along their way. Meditate on this, and ask to truly get it and understand this in your deepest heart and soul. If you can do this, your heart will open, and you will move from fear and conflict and judgment into a place of peace and delight. As you honor yourself in this way, knowing this about yourself in the deepest way, you can then see this in all others as well. As Krishna says: "SEE ME IN EVERYTHING!"

Hope this is useful.

Blessings, Ayal

next 437. "I feel deeply sad about my solitude"

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