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"I want to clear sadness and feelings of unworthiness from my subconsious"

Good morning Ayal,

I first give thanks to God for you. I have been working with manifesting consciously for over 4 years now and the Laws of the Universe although unconsciously I was using them all my life. Now, I have some limited beliefs that are not allowing my affirmations to manifest as I hoped or as soon as I would like. For many years, I have been working hard and wanted to make more money so I worked to achieve an associates degree, Bachelor's, and recently a Master's Degree. I worked to change the belief that I do not have to work hard to achieve and now I am not achieving, I am maintaining consistently. I believe that opportunities are attracted to me according to the vibrations (feelings that match my thoughts) that I hold and I make a conscious effort to be and feel good and shift my consciousness to happy so I can manifest and attract only good situations and a happy lifestyle.

Now I have and always have had issues with my son from the beginning before he was born in my teenage times and have worked to forgive myself for tormenting myself so much with criticism, judgment, and unloving compassion. I now visualize love, have been working with affirmations, Science of Mind Religious Practices, loving myself so I can truly unconditionally love the world, give gratititude as a lifestyle for everything and over the past year, I have been inviting angels in to help me through my journey because the more I work, I want to help myself and help others to be happy.

I consciously believe that I can be happy all the time and that I can manifest anything I desire, but the things I desire like a different lifestyle, not having to work for money but it is just attracted to me for the good of all concerned, and my body appearance to reduce weight and listen to the messages that my body gives me, I am confronted with feelings of sadness and challenges in making changes. I read some of the recommendations you offered to message no 424 and I have tried many of these same solutions that you offered over the course of the past four years to include hypnotherapy, accupunture, floweressences, spirit readings, affirmations, requesting for angels to help me and so many more, to remove the sadness and feelings of unfulfillment and worthlessness with no value in life. I want to clear all of this from my subconsious and would like for it to be easy and fun with nothing but unconditional love and thanksgiving in my awareness.

I would like to remove the beliefs for good permanently that are blocking my affirmations from being absorbed. I am getting a lot of resistance when I lovingly affirm my subconscious to accept a new good positive belief. I have a lot of fat on my body that I belief is associated with what I am unaware that I am suppressing. I feel that my intestines are enlarged and for over 10 years I have had health issues with food and constipation in the body as well as clutter and clogging in my physical space. I have attracted a lot of turmoil in my past that I just want to get rid of but I keep feeling the feelings now even though I have a good atmosphere with the exception of my 17 year old son who is on drugs and I send him unconditional love but he does not have a desire for nothing but being in the streets and gang activity which also causes a lot of fear in my family for everyone that is around me. This is a large number of people since we all live in houses near each other. Just this morning, a coworker help me to identify some major beliefs that were at the core of blocking the food issues which are:

*I believe that food does not make me fat consciously, but sub consciously the belief is that food does make me fat. The subconscious belief needs to be released. This causes the conflict about food in my life.

*I believe that I can not stop eating large amounts of foods.

*I believe that I can not stop the habit of eating when I am not hungry or my body does not require me to eat.

*When my stomach starts to growl, I believe I need to eat something sweet instead of a fruit or drink some water.

These beliefs do not serve me and make me feel bad when I think about them. This is harming me because it produces a vibration of negativity and attracts negativity to my experiences and this is what I manifest in my body as fat in my aura.

I also love purple. I visualize and always have everything in purple. People, money, house, my body in every shade. I manifest furniture and cars in this color and some day invision a house surrounded by the amythest stones of all variations. I am magnatized to crystals of all kinds and have tried working with the crystal energy with the essential oils in my bath water also. I have several oils (essential). Perhaps some of these modalities are working and I may not be aware of their benefits as well as the angels helping me who I often summon because I would like to know them and to have them make their presence known to me as well.

In loving peace, Harmony, and nothing but the best for you and all.


Hi - thanks for sharing and writing in in such a heartfelt way.

Well, the desire for food, that hunger, is actually a hunger to be loved. You have felt unloved and criticized in your life, and you go to food and sweets to try to get a sense, finally, of being nurtured and loved. This pattern is now showing up also in your relationship with your son.

You are in quite a bit of denial, actually, about the stress you feel in life. It is wonderful to have a positive, spiritual, uplifting attitude, as it is clear that you do, but this can't be used as a cover up for what you are actually feeling. It can't be real or powerful that way.

In meditation, see if you can get in touch with this stress, and then proceed to deal with it in a real way. That means feeling it in your body, being fully present with it - it is important to let yourself deeply get in touch with whatever it is that you are feeling. If you try to ignore it or deny it, you can't heal it. You want to still run away from feelings of hurt or pain, but they must be honored and recognized in order to then be released.

Shiatsu as a therapy would also be good for you - I suggest a minimum of 10 sessions within a 3 month period of time.

Here is another technique you can also use to get in touch with what you feel: beneath all the spiritual desire to be happy happy happy, there is some depression, and that needs to be faced. Depression means that there is a deep fear you are hiding from that you have not faced yet.

Facing Deep Fear

  1. Find your fear/ learn its name. You need to acknowledge what your fear is actually about, even though doing so will probably be painful.

  2. Go inside of its presence and relinquish/accept it all. Go into the center of the fear and give up everything. In other words, as an example, if you are facing the fear that you might be filled with illness the rest of your life, you have to be willing to accept or face the ultimate fear, the ultimate place you don't want to go to, the place you want to avoid going to, that you are going to die. It seems odd that you have to be willing to die in order to live, but it works. Most fears, fortunately, won't need such a drastic sacrifice, i.e., I'm going to be fat the rest of my life, and that's OK.

  3. Heighten your senses/ live to the fullest - In the throes of the anguish and pain of your realization of never having or never being what you want, relish the sensations that at least, you are FULLY ALIVE AND FULLY FEELING in the pain.

  4. Join with the unlike/ slide into place. As the pain begins to subside, you'll see/ feel yourself as being out of phase with what your opposite is. (FOR EXAMPLE: I'm fat/ I want to be thin.) Both halves are part of you and need to be merged. Imagine that there are two pieces of 35mm film, each with one of the two opposite images of you. See them sliding into place on top of each other, so that now they are lined up perfectly.

  5. Complete the union/ embrace and hold. Envision the two images moving into each other and becoming one.
The following information is pertinent to some deep issues from childhood that need to be addressed: these fears have to do with the first chakra - feeling safe and supported in the family situation.

Thrusting Position
Pelvic block against softness: issues of assertion.

The traditional psychoanalytic name for this position is 'phallic', which comes from the Greek word for 'penis'. In many ways this is seriously misleading, since what is being described is a quality shared equally by girls and boys, though with different effects on the adult character. It arises from the widespread sexist attitude that only those with penises can, or should, thrust.

Once children have developed some sense of holding themselves up and grounding through the buttocks and backs of the legs, they can start literally and symbolically pushing themselves forward. As mobility develops, so does the need for recognition and praise, the desire to assert yourself, to take up space, to show off. Direct sexual exhibitionism is very much part of this: children of four or five are sexual beings, often very hotly so, and need acknowledgement especially from their parents, on whom such feelings will largely be focused. More generally, there is the need to have a say in things, to have some sense of power and autonomy: bed-times, TV, playing outside are all typical opportunities for assertion.

What so often happens is that adults treat this natural and healthy assertiveness as 'badness', 'willfulness', 'impudence'. There may even be a conscious intention to crush and overpower the child's will, to frighten it into submission. The classic form of this happens when the father is himself locked into a thrusting position, so that he sees any assertiveness and independence on the part of his children as a threat to his identity, and reacts with physical or emotional violence, the belt or the vicious put-down.

In this situation the child will generally submit - there is little alternative. But built into their character from then on will be a quality of hatred and revenge that subtly flavors everything they do. A 'yearning thrusting' character will, as an adult, be competitive, pushy, achievement-oriented - a career man or woman.

This is most often a middle-class position; working class people who are unable to use their angry energy for worldly success throw their weight around on the domestic, social and sexual fronts instead, or become involved in the machismo of the underworld. Many of these attitudes are strongly encouraged in our culture, primarily in men; thus they are transmitted to the next generation, as a compulsively thrusting and authoritarian parent represses their child's independence and sets them up for the same script.

The ability to push and thrust with the pelvis - in a soft and feeling way - is essential to satisfying sex for both women and men; and the corresponding life capacity is equally important In the thrusting-block character position, there is an overlay of hate and fear in such pelvic movement, a fear of collapse (in the face of adult power), leading to an attitude which Reich called 'genital revenge'. If the person is a man, then they may be a rapist, overt or indirect, if a woman, what men call a 'ballbreaker', using sex to humiliate (though men often use this label to attack any woman who scares them with her healthy sexual assertiveness). The soft easy thrust becomes a violent harsh movement - 'screwing'.

Sexually speaking, the yearning thruster will be a Don Juan character who uses sex to 'score'- for conquest and ego satisfaction rather than pleasure and melting contact. Similar attitudes will color their attitude to life in general - enjoyment takes second place to status. Our culture tends actively to encourage such distortions in men, to the extent of seeing them as intrinsically manly, macho, butch. A woman or girl who shows such traits will often be met with disapproval and invalidation ('tomboy', 'unfeminine') even though the thrusting may be entirely healthy, the natural urge for assertiveness and achievement.

The body type that goes with the thrusting character is quite highly rated in our society: it tends to be large, well-muscled, energetic, athletic - at any rate in milder versions of the block. The stronger the block, the more the body tends to be rigid, musclebound and overcharged. Someone who denies their need to thrust will necessarily have a rigid body and character, often sex-negative, self-righteous and moralistic. This is a different strategy for genital revenge - 'stamp out this menace!' The absence of pleasure is even clearer with these compulsively 'good' people. Thrusting characters often suffer from 'stress-related ailments', because they put themselves through so much stress.

The creative side of the thrusting character is its energy, drive, courage, physical and mental elan; its willpower and discipline. The distortions stem from insecurity, from the fear of being smashed down which is hidden under an exaggerated 'strength', able to brook no equals, let alone 'superiors'. In its obsession with rank, pecking order, competition, and in its assumption that every situation must involve a winner and loser, the thrusting block is clearly a central factor in patriarchal society.

Person B stands on a chair; person A stands looking up at them, legs braced stiffly, jaw stuck out, chest stuck out, fists clenched. Use your breath to puff yourself up. A says things like 'No', 'I won't'; B says 'Oh yes you will', 'You better had', 'Do what 1 tell you', etc. After a while, make contact and reverse.

In regards to this, read about the 2nd chakra in Caroline Myss's wonderful book, 'Anatomy of the Spirit' (reading the entire book is best, of course). When this chakra is balanced, a loving relationship is created with our Self and others.

There is more that could be offered here, but I think that this is enough for now, and plenty to work with.

Blessings, Ayal

next 428. "Am I blocking my own healing, and if so what can I do?"

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