Trans4mind Home Page
Clearing the Way

"The one area I haven't had good fortune in is manifesting a relationship"

I don't know if you remember me, but I wrote you a few times a couple of years ago.

Before I ask my question, I just want to say I feel really good about where I am in my spiritual development. When last I wrote you, I was living in the apartment of my dreams, working a great job, everything was going great. Then a few months later I learned my job was being eliminated. When that happened I had to leave my apartment because it was just too expensive. But rather than getting depressed or down about it, I saw it as an opportunity. Rather than worrying about things, I decided to take advantage of my freedom. I got a chance to do some major traveling (Turkey, Kenya, Tanzania, Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia). I would not have been able to do that if I were working. And I ended up getting an even better job making more money, and I'm now looking at buying a home. Anyway, thanks for playing a role in helping get to this place.

My question. The one area I haven't had good fortune in is manifesting a relationship. Last year, I spent a lot of time with a long-time friend named Bruce, and I think we were both attracted to each other, but because of the friendship, I think we were both reluctant to make a move. We have amazing chemistry together, and I think there's really possibility there, just wanted to know if you had any insights into future possibilities with this man. And if possible, can you give me a sense of whether he thinks of me in a romantic way.

Also, if you have any meditations or techniques for manifesting a mate you can share, that would be great.



Hi - Yes, I definitely remember you, and am glad to hear that life is going well for you. It's good to hear from you. Well, I don't work in a sort of "fortune teller" mode, saying whether something has possibilities or not... we all want to be reassured and know the answer to something, but that is not trusting our own intuition or answers, or understanding that situations change to reflect our own, internal changes. It's all up to us how we create a situation to be. The truth is, what happens between anyone or in any event is determined by what energy you yourself are operating out of, and whether or not you are willing to see, explore, and transform whatever issues may be blocking or affecting the situation. It is your own inner work that will give you the answers that you seek.

To have good relationships, we must first be able to love and approve of ourselves, as you know. We have to know on the deepest level that it is safe for us to care for ourselves. When we have experienced traumatic events in our lives, such as issues with a father or brothers, as you have, there is bound to be a sense of:

  1. Not trusting others, perhaps men especially, on some level, always keeping your distance and not ever wholly letting yourself engage or get close to another, even when you think you are, and

  2. Not believing that you deserve to be treated well, believing instead that you will be mistreated, believing that relationships can't be trusted.
There would probably be a deep core issue of feeling that you were surrounded by "enemies", in a sense, growing up - and when we feel this, there can be a terrible belief that we were never loved. When we touch this deepest, buried place in ourselves, it can be incredibly painful, but what it reveals to us is how little we've really let OURSELVES trust or love or get close to others, and that too can be incredibly painful when we finally see it. If, on some deep, perhaps even unconscious level, you are still believing that you can't trust people to be good to you or love you, and if this issue got created early on, there would be an inability or a difficulty to open up to or truly love others. The pattern would have been set to protect yourself from others, to be angry at, possibly, others in a deep way, and therefore not to truly ever let anyone in. There might even be a low trigger point or threshold of reacting strongly when someone then does do something that seems unaware or insensitive or comes from an unclear place because you are so raw from having lived in that expectation for so long.

The best thing to do to heal this is to learn true forgiveness - this means that you learn about Radical forgiveness and continue to work on any victim issues you may have..

Radical Forgiveness obliterates the belief in separation by taking us beyond the drama and the illusion of our lives and the "stories" we fabricate about virtually everything. It enables us to see the spiritual big picture and to know the truth - that there is only Love.

As we awaken to that truth we shall see the true meaning of our suffering and be able to transform it immediately - releasing the perception of self-as-victim. We will understand that, without exception, everything that happens to us is divinely guided, purposeful and for our spiritual advancement.

We shall see that our experiences are exactly as we needed and chose them to be; that nothing wrong ever took place; that no-one was ever victimized and, consequently, that there is no-one to forgive!

Knowing that our life is guided in this way allows us to find true peace even in the most unpleasant of situations or memories - and we are released from the bondage of the past. Knowing that our" enemies", as we define them to be, really love us (at the soul level) and are actually here only to teach us, to reflect back to us what we need to see about ourselves - enables our hearts to open in love and appreciation. As the love is felt and expressed, our so-called "problems" simply dissolve and we find ourselves at all times "in the flow" of life.

True forgiveness then, is NOT, as is widely regarded, "letting bygones be bygones" while still holding on to the idea that something "wrong" happened. It is letting go of our victim selves, seeing the perfection in everything and awakening to the truth that we are already home in Spirit. That's RADICAL Forgiveness.

The Victim energy shifts as we confront that part of our psyches that makes us susceptible to feelings that we cannot protect ourselves in life.

As you continue to work through this, seeing where you may still have energy that keeps you from establishing relationship, you will find that you do manifest what you are seeking. Even when life is going great, there are still levels to work on in ourselves, and they will show up when we have built enough of a strong foundation and inner strength and belief in ourselves to see it and navigate through it. Check in to see if you still need to protect yourself from what others think of you - if your ego is still a bit raw and wounded and needing to show others that you are ok and capable and successful. If you find that there is still some of this need to protect yourself and not be vulnerable or open to "judgment' or criticism from others, then you will know that there is still some more healing and exploring to do. And that's totally right and ok, because that is what the journey is all about. We never stop growing and seeing new levels of our being - we never stop learning and becoming more of who we are, growing deeper, and clearer.

Blessings, Ayal

next 425. "I want help with my anger so that people do not push my buttons so easily"

Click here to donate & send a question to Ayal:
Clearing the Way   |   Laws of the Universe   |   Recommended Links