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"My self-worth is wrapped up in what I do, rather than in who I am"

Dear Ayal:

Over the years I have realized a good deal of success in the way I earn my living as I have been fortunate in being able to share my creativity with hundreds of people around the globe. I have an excellent reputation regarding my work and love what I do with all my heart and soul. My problem stems from the inconsistencies I invariably create in my work situation and the lack of trust I feel that the flow will continue. I will go for a few months with a steady flow of clients coupled with a good income and then it just stops. Not only does it stop, but it literally shuts off. I feel responsible for these quiet times and believe it is something in me that creates the block. I used to think it was a money issue, but I've come to realize it's a much more deeply seated pattern.

I have sought out a multitude of healing practices in an attempt to heal this issue, focusing on what I want, trying to trust and attempting to accept the natural ebbs and flows of business, but no matter what I've done, I invariably find myself wrestling with these quiet periods. Although I've gone through this many, many times, I can't seem to get to a place where I am totally able to trust that it will pass and that all is well. Instead I often feel as though this is the end and that no one will want my services again.

I believe that too much of my self-worth is wrapped up in what I do, rather than in who I am. I want to be able to draw a sense of self-worth and power from within regardless of what's going on in my life yet I seem to need to experience it through external sources.

Your input would be so appreciated.


Hi - OK. Let's see what's going on.

The first thing that showed up for you was a need to Speak your Truth, and this involves speaking your truth not only to others but also to yourself about yourself. Regarding this need to be honest with yourself and face your own issues, was the issue of being too hard on yourself. More or less, an issue of intolerance showed up for you. This could also apply to any intolerance you feel toward life and its cycles as well. To help with this, taking the Bach flower essence Beech, for intolerance, would be good. You can find this usually at any good metaphysical store.

Also, along these lines, there is a need to be committed to self love, forgiveness, and compassion. As you already recognize, your ability to trust life and to have faith in the future needs to be grown, developed, and nurtured. One of the best ways you can do this is to start expressing Gratitude and Appreciation, Thankfulness, on a moment to moment basis, for all that you have and experience in your life. An attitude of gratitude brings about deep trust and a sense of inner peace toward life.

Meditation would also be GREAT for you - twice a day, for a minimum of 20 minutes. Check into some classes, perhaps, to see which style of meditating suits you.

One of the things that seems to have created this lack of faith for you regarding the belief or fear that life can't be trusted and that you will not be ok are some 1st chakra issues: you have a need for logic, order, and structure, and that means, often, a need for control. Thinking that we can control life leads to a form of spiritual confusion and misconception. Control develops because there IS fear there: a fear of chaos, or a fear that somehow you aren't capable or adequate in some way, that life will spin out of control, etc. We cannot control life. We can flow with it, and be fully present in the moment with a large capacity to love, to accept and offer compassion and empathy to ourselves and all other living things - IN THE MOMENT. That is the essence of the spiritual journey. When we are truthful with ourselves, and eliminate any masks and pretenses, we are free to experience our vulnerability and more fully experience the moment. True vulnerability means trusting and KNOWING that we are all ok on this journey, that we are loved and lovable and incredible beings who have come to learn and grow - and that therefore you can trust yourself to go through the tests of character that open the way to experiencing your own inner happiness.

To help support with this, and to transform these issues, you can use and order some Aura-Soma essences:

  1. the turquoise quintessence: Maha Chohan: the great teacher. Encourages positive qualities and helps to release feelings that need to be expressed
  2. the sapphire pomander: to lift us out of suffering.
  3. Lady Portia quintessence: judge not lest ye be judged. For those who judge themselves too harshly.

You can order them at Ask them for info regarding how to use them.

There is also a homeopathic remedy that would be good for you. It is: epigea repens. I invite you to contact a good homeopathic practitioner near you and find out more about this.

One of the tests of your character, the challenge for you in this lifetime, a life lesson for you, is to relinquish a possessive or materialistic attitude toward life. In other lives there has been an overemphasis on the importance of material goods, possessions, and possessiveness. This issue is more on the level of the instinctual or survival part of the self, and deals with territoriality. It is necessary to raise your consciousness above this level. That is why, I believe, that you have these dry periods you spoke of - you are being asked to have faith during those times, to accept and flow with the cycles of life, but also to free yourself of the materialistic outlook; to use those times to let go of any materialistic outlook you may have and come from greater spiritual clarity - a more clear and trusting spiritual outlook on life - perhaps to use those times to do other things in life that are creative and that are not materialistically oriented, activities or adventures that you love, and that give you delight and satisfaction. Believe in and pursue your dreams

TO BE ABLE TO OFFER THIS KIND OF COMPASSION AND ACCEPTANCE, AND BE FULLY PRESENT WITH TRUST IN THE MOMENT, REQUIRES THAT WE ARE GROUNDED - ALSO A 1ST CHAKRA ISSUE. When you are not grounded, with a healthy 1st chakra operating, you can feel anxious/adrift and have issues of competition.

What has also shown up for you is an imbalance between your feminine and masculine inner energies. The masculine energy trusts itself to go out into life and face life, and deal with whatever comes up in a confident manner. It faces life head on. Your energy is too feminine - your masculine energy needs to be strengthened and recognized and acknowledged. I invite you to read about the feminine and masculine energies in the article about this which is listed at the end of the home page on this site, and to do the visualizations offered there.

Interestingly enough, in lieu of this, the issue of not trusting life, or feeling discouraged, seems to be an ancestral issue that began in your family around 2 generations back, on your father's side of the family - so this may be an issue dealing with the need to strengthen and accept, believe in, and honor the true energy of the masculine. And since it's an ancestral issue passed down to you energetically, that may also be why it's been hard for you to get a handle on it. It will be important to call your spirit back from this issue into present time. To do this, read the article on calling your spirit back, also listed at the end of the home page, and do the visualizations offered there. I'd do it 3 times within a 4 month period.

There is an energetic exercise that you can do to help strengthen this masculine energy, and it is to tighten your arm muscles, tensing the muscles, and bending your arms at the elbows with arms in front of you, still tensing, with hands in fists, pretend that you are lifting weights, raising and lowering both arms at the same time, breathing in as you raise and exhale as you lower your arms. Do this 4 times, 3 times a day for 2 months.

A good thing to say with this issue is: "Mother-Father-God and Holy Spirit: Thank you for healing all the origins of this problem."

And also: "I sponsor myself to the Creator, Cosmic all, the Ascended Masters, and the Creator Entity to have: God's healing rates below 89.9."

Having some accupressure sessions would be beneficial for you - working with all of your energy meridians showed up in a big way. Touch for Health practitioners do this - reflexology also works with this. Work especially with a Liver point found at the inside of the left leg where the ankle is, a little bit, 3 fingers width or so, above the ankle. It's probably sore, and that's a good sign that it needs to be worked with.

I have also been guided to tell you that surrounding yourself with the color Purple, which deals with higher consciousness, would be good for you. Also, to offer you these thoughts and intentions to think about and perhaps put into use in your life:

When a relationship is destructive, I am able to let go of it

I will no longer force my body to accept that which my mind and spirit can handle.

Included below is an article I wrote about the first chakra that I invite you to read to help with your grounding and other first chakra issues.

Blessings, Ayal


Connecting to Our Roots

By Ayal Hurst

Have you ever wondered why some people have charisma and presence, or why some people can be optimistic no matter what the circumstances? Do you ever find yourself marveling how quickly certain individuals are able to manifest what they need after a setback?

Underlying it all is the fact that they are well grounded. They have a strong, positive foundation upon which their self identity is based, a solid sense of their physical bodies, and they bonded well with their mothers and other primary caretakers at birth. These charismatic people are actually demonstrating a healthy, well balanced unobstructed root chakra, which is the place, in the world of energetic healing, where all stability and healing begins.

The word chakra means wheel, and it refers to the major vortices or energy channels found in the human aura and body that receive Universal, or Cosmic energy. The chakra system is an archetypal depiction, or blueprint, of the individual maturation process through 7 distinct stages. In Western society, we call this process "The Hero's Journey". It is a journey we all make.

In the Hindu mystical tradition, there are 7 chakras, or stages to Higher spiritual consciousness. In the Christian tradition, there are 7 Holy Sacraments, and the Mystical tradition of the Kabbalah has 7 corresponding teachings. 7 is the mystical number of relationship, and this number of teachings in the various mystical traditions speaks of the importance of our right relationship to ourselves, to others, to life: basically, to our need to live in right relationship to the Divine design, or spiritual laws.

The chakras are vertically aligned, running from the base of the spine to the crown of the head. As a person masters each chakra and the universal life lesson inherent within it, (he or) she gains power and self knowledge that becomes integrated into her spirit, advancing her along the path to spiritual consciousness in the classic hero's journey.

The first chakra, or root chakra, located at the base of the spine, deals with lessons related to the physical world, and the energy content of this chakra is "tribal power". In effect, our roots. Since we begin the journey here, the first chakra holds the seeds for the entire journey, and that is why some consider the root chakra to be the most complex of all the chakras. And that is why our relationship to our tribe, or family of origin and its traditions, is so important. If parents are too protective, for example, indicating that their own root chakra is damaged and thus giving them little sense of their own security, it can cause damage to their child's root chakra, and a lack of individuation or self esteem can result.

When we begin our hero's journey at the root chakra stage, we are all taught to value the norm and to conform to mass consciousness - this is basic, tribal, or family, root chakra thinking. We are taught to avoid looking, or acting, differently from the tribe, and we are taught to follow the traditions and rules, beliefs and rituals of our particular tribe. Because life is truly all about making the hero's journey, however, the hero must eventually, at some point in her life, break out of that mold and go beyond mass consciousness as she (or he) steps out into the unknown to become her own, uniquely designed person.

Archetypally, the word tribe connotes group identity, group force, group will power, and group belief patterns. The first chakra is the family we are born into; ancestral patterns; our DNA. It is our connection to traditional family beliefs that support the formation of our identity and a sense of belonging to a group of people. To be part of a tribe is a primal need - to be completely dependent for one's basic needs is a core developmental issue - it is as deeply physical and survival oriented as it gets.

Being part of tribal energy, the root chakra sets us up to experience outer authority. We are connected to mass consciousness, and we experience an outer, not an internal, center of gravity, or sense of authority and power. We figure out how to function and survive within a group. Love has its roots here and manifests as learning loyalty, a code of honor, justice, and tribal support - we begin by loving our own kind. We learn how to live honorably with one another, and how to bond.

The root chakra is the foundation of our mental and emotional health, and due to this the tribe and or family has a need for logic, order, and structure to ensure a safe and stable environment for the survival of the child. In a word: Tradition. Tradition is seen as the means to ensure the survival of the species. As part of a tribe, we experience the power of sharing a belief system and a moral code with other people. We learn traditions, and are asked to hold onto and to continue those traditions so that the stability and essential form of the tribe will survive. Going against these traditions in one's family of origin usually creates stress, guilt, shame, trauma, sometimes a deep sense of isolation, often confusion, and low self esteem. If the root chakra is weak or closed due to dysfunctional tribal trauma, we feel lost, insecure, ungrounded, alienated.

As we evolve and discover a deep need to become our own being, however, separate from the identity of the tribe, the tribe, in its basic need to survive and by its very nature, will usually fight against this process. Issues may then develop for the individual that have to do with a fear of physical survival, abandonment by the group, and loss of physical order. Ultimately, however, the true purpose of a tribe, and of parents, is to give the individual strong roots, without strings or baggage attached, so that one CAN fly - soaring in freedom to develop one's own unique talents and personal power.

This chakra is about matter, substance, the earth and all that comes from it, including our bodies. It is the foundation and support for the rest of the chakra sytem and constantly maintains a flow of solid, grounding energy. The root chakra takes in energy from the earth and also allows us to ground energy, much as a lightning rod grounds electricity. The root chakra is well named, as it roots us to the planet. Being able to ground yourself at will is of the utmost importance. A strong first chakra gives us the opportunity to draw up the stimulating, dynamic energy of the earth and to discharge anything negative which otherwise could cause stress and psychic overload. This is one of the root chakra's great gifts: to allow us to regularly let go and return to the earth whatever is no longer needed, knowing it will be safely handled.

The root chakra is also ready to send a surge of power up through all of the other chakras whenever necessary, as long as they're able to respond. It revitalizes everything. Contact with the earth and time to nurture ourselves are all part of having a healthy root chakra.

Work on any chakra brings improvements in every area of your life, but if you are not truly grounded, the improvements you desire can't be sustained. New traditions and thought patterns of your own may be hard to create or maintain. The root chakra has the potential to shift all the other blocks that may be present in your system, and makes work at the higher energy levels much easier.

The root chakra spins to form a funnel of energy and light pointing toward the earth from the base of the spine or, more accurately, the perineum - where we can often compress, repress, or hold our energy in. The expression "tight assed" literally comes from this. If we're "up tight" in this chakra due to trauma, we can't absorb the energy from the earth or feel grounded.

The root chakra also governs other aspects of survival: eating and eating patterns, sleeping and sleeping patterns (both security issues), conservation of the species, and self preservation. It governs our basic instincts and is associated with the adrenal glands - the fight or flight response that comes into play instinctively to protect us if we're under threat. It deals with physical energy and the will to live, the ability to receive joy and vital energy from life.

If the root chakra is closed, we have a totally different quality of sexual pleasure that's only available when the root chakra can give us the stability to let go with complete abandon. An open base chakra gives us the ability to soar to the heavens in ecstasy, but remain whole and safe to return here when we are ready. It is symbolic of the parent of a 2 year old child who goes off to explore but comes racing back to see that it's still safe. Root chakra energy can be seen, in this way, as the Divine Mother energy: it represents the feminine spirit of the earth akin to Gaia - the grounding life force, feeding all that is alive. We also need to feel that we belong to the earth and are bonded to her as the greater Mother. Like a hologram of many levels, we must be grounded to and belong to the smallest level up to the greatest - from tribal identity to universal consciousness.

The creation of a healthy first chakra involves being connected in a loving way to our roots, which also includes the very crucial 1st chakra issue of honoring our tribe, or family. The lesson of the root chakra teaches that we must first honor our families and all human communities in order to grow, ourselves, in health, true power, and higher consciousness: that state of being which is concerned with protecting all tribes of the human race, and all of life. The sacrament of Baptism, calling upon us to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us" has the connotation of root chakra energy inherent within it, for it is about respecting all of life on this earth, instructing us to live honorably as a member of the human tribe.

In The Christian tradition, the 1st Sacrament of Baptism represents a family accepting physical and spiritual responsibility for a child they have brought into the world. This sacrament symbolically alerts us to honor one's biological family as sacred and tells us that our family was divinely chosen as the appropriate tribe from which to begin our life journey. By fulfilling these 2 commitments: (1) accepting that our family is divinely chosen for teaching us the lessons we need to learn in this life and (2) committing ourselves to living honorably as a member of the human tribe, we "baptize ourselves" and honor our own lives.

We learn the truth of the 1st chakra's universal life lesson through experiences connected to group dynamics. Our challenge as spiritual adults is to accept symbolically, fully, and gratefully, the family into which we were born: honoring your family and yourself by forgiving the family members for any pain they caused you during your childhood. The power contained in such forgiveness is precisely the power that heals the body. The spinal cord, which is the channel for life force energy, and that which supports us in life, rests in the pelvic basin, in our root, in our tribal energy, or family. The base of the spine, or first chakra, is where we connect to ancestral energy. If we dishonor that, imagine how that translates to our physical bodies - imagine what happens to the spine, or to our backs: the body's physical "support" system.

An interesting analogy is that the immune system, which protects our physical body from outside attack or invasion, correlates to the energy of the tribe, the protection from harmful influences.offered through the love and support of the family. When we dishonor our family, speak badly or abusively of them, we are in fact actually attacking our own immune system. We are our family, as we have come from them. Thus the innate lesson of the first chakra is that All is One. To attack our family, or even the larger family of humanity, or any part of life, is to destroy our own immune system. Most immune disorders are the immune system attacking itself: members of a family attacking itself. It has become an accepted mode of conversation to make fun of our parents - but looking symbolically and energetically at what this does, is to see that it violates the truth and health of the 1st chakra. Rape, sexual abuse, incest, are all distortions of this understanding that we are all one human tribe, and this distortion begins in a 1st chakra that has been damaged in some way. When one has a belief that we are not all one and that one can't trust one's tribe, or that one must compromise oneself, prostitute oneself in some way, perhaps by accepting rules or traditions that do not sustain or fit oneself, if one feels forced or coerced to give away one's power in order to gain security, that individual will be operating from a damaged 1st chakra.

On a larger scale, consider global warming and environmental pollution. The ozone which protects us is the planet's immune system - and it is being attacked due to how we have chosen to relate to this larger, biological family, or "Mother". Also a misunderstanding of the concept that All is One. We are part of nature, of the universal tribe of life, and we fit into it as perfectly as the sunset, a waterfall, or the deer in the forest. We do not rule it. Being out of touch with this 1st chakra truth creates environmental disasters, waste, abuse, separatism and an arrogance that we as a species have more right to the planet than anything else.

We are connected to all of life, and we learn through the energy of this chakra that every choice we make and every belief we hold exerts influence on the whole of life. Your bond to your physical family is symbolic of your connection to everyone and all that is life. Violating this energy bond, such as considering those who are different from us, from our particular tribe or family, as being less than, creates conflict in our spirit and therefore dis-ease in our physical body.

Connecting to our roots in a conscious way, in the form of mastering the lesson of the first chakra, allows us to become all that we are capable of being. We must honor the traditions which gave our lives stability and security, but we must also go beyond them as we learn to care for and nourish ourselves, to keep ourselves fit, to grow into our own unique self. In this way we are able to deal with whatever life sends our way, and prosper.

By developing a healthy first chakra, we evolve and create our own motivation to earn a living in order to live well; we question old programs instilled in us when we were young in order to create our own belief systems and to manifest what we need. Connecting to our roots, to the lesson of the first chakra, assures us of the gift of good judgment, a tool necessary for survival to avoid danger, while still allowing us to be adventurous and to take risks. To venture beyond tradition into the realm of the unknown.

The root chakra reminds us of who we truly are - that we are essential to the overall plan, that we are part of an infinitely connected universe: amazing, magnificent beings with a physical body, a body that we must value and for which we are responsible. Irrespective of the way we contribute to the earth, we become aware that our contribution is essential and unique. Through connecting in a balanced, conscious way to our roots, this chakra. gives us the energy to do what we do well. It prompts us to acknowledge our innate beauty and our unique worth. It gives us focus, discipline, and a sturdy base from which to explore ourselves and our world. To create our own strong roots: our own"Traditions".

next 397. "I have loving people in my life, so why am I judging myself so harshly?"

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