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"I am resistant to being fully responsible for all events in my life"

Dear Ayal,

I am having difficulty manifesting the life of my of my dreams. Although, Spirit has woken me to my victim consciousness by giving me the person who I cannot tolerate as a wife (and who is mother to our 3 children all under 11 years old), I cannot seem to find the path to my own power. My mind is open to my thoughts creating my reality, but my self-conscious mind is not able to take the leap into power. I have been told I lack faith. That would seem to be true. I am resistant to being fully responsible for all events in my life. Lingering effects of being in victim mode for most of my life? I seem to be lacking in belief that I am worthy of sincere and deep love from a wife and I seem to think that I cannot succeed in Japan [or, perhaps, my current job is the maximum success which I allow myself]. Most pressing is the resolution of my internal causes of my financial situation and then the resolution of my problem with my wife by inner healing also. I feel the answers are known all around me but that I cannot find the way to be the person I need to be to use the answers. What do you suggest? Thank you.


Hello - Let's take a look and see what's going on.

What is showing up to begin with is your 1st chakra, which deals with your life force energy and feelings of security and support. You are not supporting yourself, or loving yourself, and this manifests in your life as financial lack of support or distress. That's how it works, right? You may have chronic lower back pain due to this sense of a lack of support for yourself. On your spine, the cervical vertebrae #5 is out of alignment due to your fear of ridicule and humiliation (victim consciousness- shame, not trusting the self, self esteem issues). It deals with the fear of expression and rejecting one's good. Also feeling overburdened. The Affirmation to say: "My communication is clear. I accept my good. I let go of all expectations. I am loved and I am safe."

We are born to manifest the glory that is within us. We are all meant to shine. As Christ said: "Don't hide your light under a bushel." You are unique and special in the universe. There is no one else like you. You are the only one of yourself there is. Therefore, it is crucial that you express that self and let that self radiate and shine and offer its participation out into the Universe..... from a place of loving and valuing WHO YOU ARE! True? Are you willing to do that? What would happen if you did? How would that feel?

To help with this, say the following: "I am content and at peace," twice a day for 2 months. Also, 3 times every 2 weeks, for the next 2 years, visualize a violet pool of water in which you are floating effortlessly on the top. The violet represents contentment and peace. Feel the contentment and let peace seep through you as you are floating. Then, hold and press the acupressure point located at the end of the right middle toe, just above the nail, for about 40 seconds.

For some reason, somewhere in your journey, you stopped expressing yourself and valuing yourself. When you do that, the life force energy cannot flow, and therefore you cannot manifest your dreams, because all is created from a place of Love. Your challenge is to develop a compassionate heart, first for yourself, toward yourself, and then that will allow you to radiate that compassion toward others. Then the universe mirrors that Love back to you.

To help with this: Light 2 white candles. Sit in meditation and ask to see or understand, allow your mind to bring forth visions or information regarding what vows or decisions you made in a past life or in this one about life, about yourself, or relationships, or being supported, etc. that no longer serve you. As you view these situations, thank yourself for the protection these vows gave you at that time. Explain to yourself that you no longer need to make vows in fear because you are motivated by Love.

As part of developing a compassionate heart, it is important to be playful and joyful, to trust life. This is a 7th chakra issue - the final culmination of what was being developed in the 1st chakra: the understanding and knowledge that ALL is One. It would be good for you to visualize a gently spinning wheel of violet light at the top of your head, the 7th or crown chakra, the connection to the Divine, and ask that everything that needs to be healed, restored, or released, is healed, restored, or released.

Along with this, having a sense of humor about life is very important, for joy is the direct manifestation of being close to spirit. It would be good for you to affirm that " My humor is warm and loving", and to invoke squirrel medicine, which is for playfulness and joy, also for the ability to plan ahead and take care of oneself in a nurturing way. Watch squirrels, if possible, and learn from them.

Physically, to help with this, do the following exercises, every day:

  1. Lie on the stomach. Hold the ankles, and raise the body. 5 times, twice a day.
  2. Touch your toes, and then stretch upward and back, bending back slightly, arms over your head, palms together. Do this 6 times, twice a day.
  3. Lie on the back and gently raise the legs up at a angle. Hold for as long as possible without going into pain. Repeat for 4 rounds. Twice a day.
Ordering and using the Aura-Soma equilibrium oil #21 for helping create for yourself a new space and a new direction would be extremely supportive and beneficial for you. You apply it around the entire heart area. It is for someone who needs to accept themselves and who may be resistant to change. It is for one who has not yet learned the lessons life has presented. There is a need to let go of pride and vanity so that you are able to move forward to a new beginning. Allow yourself to trust and you will then find the love you have, for you are someone who has the space and warmth to give love to others. This bottle is for a person who has a love of nature and who can see many sides of a situation. You can order this at

Regarding that, living somewhere where there is clean mountain air would be good for you.

You also have anger about situations or relationships where you perceived that you were denied nourishment. Remember: you create whatever experiences you have due to whatever inner programs or beliefs you are carrying around inside of YOU. You did not nourish yourself, or believe that you deserved to be nurtured and nourished, and therefore that got mirrored back to you. The Affirmation: "I nourish myself with spiritual food, self love, and I am satisfied and free."

Self Love is crucial for you to develop. You must support yourself first, and then all else follows from that. You have been living in a state of Apathy, which is a resistance to feeling and a Deadening of the Self - due to fear. The Affirmation: "It is safe to feel. I open myself to life. I am willing to experience life."

You have some poisonous anger going on about what you perceive to be personal injustice. Once again, this is perceiving life from a lack of belief in your own power, and seeing yourself as a victim. Let go of pessimism. Trust life. Some issues showing up for you regarding this pessimism are:

  • Favoritism - you believed others were favored over you. To clear this, think of this belief and your emotions that go along with it, and then rub your right brow diagonally, beginning at the tip of the eyebrow next to the nose and up to the side of the head at the hairline. Do this until you feel a shift in the energy whenever this issue arises for you and you go into not believing that you were or are loved as much as someone else.
  • Indebtedness - others have power and you don't so you are "in debt" to them.
  • Feeling Used - rub left brow, reversed diagonal, beginning at the top of the hairline on the side of the head and then diagonally down to the tip of the eyebrow by the nose. Rub until you sense a shift of energy or a release of some sort.
  • There is also an issue for you of Shyness - a fear of success. How come? What would happen if you did succeed? Do you believe that you are worthy to succeed and deserve to succeed? Explore this for yourself. Dive deep. Where did that begin?

Affirmation: "I release the past and allow time to heal every area of my life."

You can also clear these issues by using the formula to change a core belief found In the Laws of the Universe on this site.

To also help you release your anger, remember that YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF YOUR LIFE, and if you do not value yourself, you will create that being mirrored back to you in your outer life experiences and relationships. Express your feelings and truth honestly, speaking from the "I" place, calmly, firmly, and clearly: "I feel _________ when ____________, and therefore this is what I choose to do about it to take care of myself in the best way I can: ______________." When you therefore support yourself, standing up for yourself in this way, and loving yourself, you are then able to manifest from a place of inner truth and power and self esteem.

I invite you to say the following prayer, twice a day for 2 weeks: "Mother-Father God and Holy Spirit: Assist me by disconnecting all energy connections from me to others and from others to me. Thank you."

This will help in the release of old energy that you are attached to, as well as any inappropriately emotionally attached persons. It may be good for you to read the article found listed at the end of the home page on this site called 'Cutting the Cords that Bind You.'

You have been confused about which feelings belong to yourself and which to others. This comes from not speaking your truth, or being in your own center, or power. Discern how you are really feeling, honestly, in every moment, and this will be easier since you will not be energetically corded into the energy of others, through disconnecting your energy from theirs. You can also say: "I am in touch with my own feelings," to fortify this new and VERY IMPORTANT development, 3 times a day for 2 years.

Ask for the support of Spirit to assist you in becoming a balanced and conscious being: "Help me to develop honor, creativity, integrity, endurance, commitment, compassion, harmony and mercy."

Anger at a mate is showing up: remember, she is simply a mirror for your own, inner issues and state of being. YOU create all your experiences, and if you are willing to clear your inner issues, that allows you to create differently, to magnetize to yourself the new wavelength you will then be broadcasting out to the world, from within yourself. Life will mirror that for you. Then you can create joy and happiness and fulfillment for yourself, in your relationships, and in your life.

Work with your liver meridian to heal your liver and strengthen it. The liver deals with anger. Do this by pressing the points along this meridian, or energy channel, either as separate points or with a firm, stroking, pressing in massage, twice a day for 2 years. The liver meridian goes from the tip of the big toe (on the right side) of the right leg, up the front, inside of the leg, all the way up the thigh, then over the abdomen, in a diagonal line to the right side of the body, about even with the crease in the arm, at the elbow (when the arm hangs down straight) and then back toward the left in a small diagonal line to the lower end of the chest, a little to the left and 3 fingers or so width below the right nipple, about even with the bicep.

Say the following affirmation, if you are willing to create things differently for yourself: "I am now willing, ready, and able, 100%, to bring harmony and balance to relationships." 2 times a day for 2 years. For 40 seconds or so, press and hold the Acupressure point located at the back of the left ring finger, on the outside, just above where the finger meets the palm. Then say: "I eliminate the resistance from one heart to another." 2 times a day for 3 months. Press and hold the Acupressure point located on the inside of the left arm, just above the elbow, that corresponds to this. Hold for 40 seconds. This point corresponds to this issue.

Profound and meaningful relationships are characterized by undefended openness (which means being willing to also express yourself and speak your truth, loving and trusting yourself, for if you don't attack or devalue yourself, no one else will either, and being willing to see what your own issues are) and a genuine sincerity and willingness to be involved. "I am capable of giving and receiving."

To help remove yourself from victim consciousness, affirm: "I am responsible." Press and hold the Acupressure point located at the end of the collarbone where the right arm joins the shoulder. For 40 seconds.



You need to get your body more into a proper alkaline balance. Visit the website at Trans4mind for more info on this.

Do the same with the triple warmer meridian, as you did with the liver meridian, massaging it or pressing the points along this energy channel, which runs from the end of the ring finger of the right hand up the back of the hand and arm, across the right shoulder to the right side of the neck, around the ear to the eyebrow.

Also the governing meridian: from the tail bone, up the spine, over the top of the head and down the face to the center of the upper lip. Since this is hard to do physically, imagine that you are massaging this energetic pathway, or imagine an energy flow up it.

It is good for you to eat ginger - it assists the yang, or male energy. Also nori, a seaweed product that sushi comes wrapped in. Eat plums - which helps to clear the liver, tonifies the blood, and life force energy, and helps with fatigue. Eat 4 plums a week for 3 years. Organic is best. Also eat sweet potatoes - which also assists the yang energy, tonifies life force energy and blood. 2 a week for 2 years.

A good color for you to wear and/or surround yourself with in your environment - dark olive green.

In general, to help you find your power, sit in meditation and call upon Hawk medicine and/or the Thunderbirds. This is powerful medicine, and before you do invoke it, I suggest you read about it, in Jamie Sams' book Animal Medicine Cards and Sun Bear's book, The Medicine Wheel. These energies will help you release the fear you carry regarding your instinctual forces, your inner power, and help you meet the world with courage, vigor, and strength - to help strengthen life forces.

Blessings, Ayal

next 395. "My financial situation feels like an open wound that doesn't heal"

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