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"How can I increase the "connection" my husband and I are working toward?"

My name is Debbie. Thank you for your service. I am a very introspective person and have been on a conscious path for about 8-9 years now and have done many things for my emotional/mental/spiritual growth as well as support the healing of my physical body. I seem to be in a bit of a period of stagnation and could use some insight into unconscious manifestations in my life.

#1 What is causing the imbalance in my physical body (physiologically) especially in the luteal phase of my cycle and is there a deficiency or excess of any particular supplement, nutrient, hormone, etc? And what is the emotional aspect that is causing the physical imbalance?

#2 What can I do to increase the "connection" my husband and I are working toward. It seems very slow. As I grow in consciousness my desire to bond and increase deep intimacy on all levels with my partner seems to be of utmost importance to my soul. He loves me very much and is trying very hard. When I speak of my experiences and insights with him it's a bit intimidating for him yet to not share myself with him is to hide who I am. I can't seem to find my equilibrium. Many times there is no communication back from him. I feel he is intently listening and trying to understand. How does one participate when they haven't had the same experience to relate to within themselves? I don't know how to navigate in the relationship. Thank you for the Insight.


Thanks for the letter. OK, let's see. Well, what's showing up first of all for you is some 2nd chakra stuff, which deals with the amount of emotional and sexual energy in your system. It has to do with the reproductive system, and basically your marriage to yourself. Your ability to value and honor yourself. It also has to do with beliefs you have about ethics and honor in relationship. When you honor yourself, then what you create is that honoring being reflected back to you in the outside world in your relationships with others. If you don't believe that you deserve to be, or will be respected or valued or honored (or heard), then that is what you will create. Even if you are being honored, you won't see it because your false belief filter that causes you to think you aren't being honored will kick in and tell you that you aren't being valued in some way.

Secondly, what you are needing to do is let go of the need to control. When we think that things have to go a certain way, or we need for things to go a certain way, then we have put our own need to control upon the situation. What that does is:

A) Severely limit our ability to receive anything else other then what we think "should" happen, or what someone's else's response 'should" be.

B) Set everyone up for upset and failure, because you have an expectation or outcome already set up. So, if it doesn't go that way, there is an upset. An unmet expectation is an upset.

C) Intimidate others. Needing to control is sensed by and can lessen the ability of another to respond to you. It can push another away, or turn them off - turn their energy off, actually, as they feel frightened of not meeting your expectation and therefore being blamed or rejected by you in some way - And then you think you're not being heard, and the loop goes on.

Jack Kornfield tells a wonderful story in The Inner Art of Meditation tape series about the time when he is studying at a monastery in the Far East, I think. He had been there for a while, working really hard at his spiritual practice. One day the master walks by and asks him if he is suffering much. Jack answers seriously that yes, he is still feeling some suffering. So the master just smiles and says: "Ah. Still very much attached." and walks away.

As long as we are attached to any outcome, including how we want our spiritual experiences or evolution to go, we suffer. Loving detachment is the key. Many people think that this means no passion. It is quite the opposite. When you have no attachment to the outcome, you are free to experience what is actually going on in the moment with 100% of your being. It would be like watching an absolutely glorious sunset but saying "OH. I think it ought to have more orange in it." What happens then? No appreciation or being present with the beauty of the sunset can happen, true?

When you let go of your need to control, which comes from fear, then you will be an open vessel who can and will receive with love whatever someone else's response is. There will be no expectation or attachment to outcome, and therefore no let down. You are able then to just accept what IS for what it IS, and it all flows as it is meant to in that moment. That is called being authentic and being in your true power. When others feel that kind of clean communication with no baggage attached to it, guess what happens? They feel safe and free to respond. Watch the energy you put out when you share with your husband, and see if you can share without fear, neediness, or grasping. Just share it with the joy of sharing, as if you were talking to a bird or the breeze or a star. Work on that as your spiritual practice until you sense that you are sharing from a place of being solid in your own valuing of yourself and standing in your own power. No pushing or pulling at him going on at all. Get hold of the book, The Power of Now. It will help you with this.

Check out where you feel threatened - what you are needing that you are not getting, and then give that to YOURSELF. Don't expect it from others. As you recognize your own need and do what you need to do to fulfill it for yourself, you no longer feel vulnerable or in the place of trying to get something from another. Then, when you express whatever it is that you want to say, it comes out without all that baggage and energy of neediness behind it. It comes out just as a fact, something you are sharing as your truth, and you are already fulfilled simply by having had that experience. If you no longer need someone else's validation, you will find that then, when you share, it is like receiving that sunset for both of you. Then there is a more intimate connection because you are in your own power and truth, and when the person responds to you, because you are not IN NEED of anything and all tangled up in what you are hoping to get, then you are able to see what has been given, and where THEY are at, what THEY are feeling and experiencing, and respond to that from an open heart. If you are too worried about what you will GET, how can you then GIVE anything or be there for another and sense what they share or feel? You will be so busy counting the trees in the forest (how much you're getting) that you don't see the forest at all. Got all that?

Since this seems to be a 2nd chakra issue, which deals with the reproductive system, I think that whatever issues you are having with your cycle are linked to this. Control issues carry a lot of tension in them, and tension always affects a woman's cycle, especially since it is about giving and receiving. Read about the 2nd chakra in the article listed at the end of the homer page, and see what insights come up for you.

Using the violet Aura-Soma pomander for healing and calming would be good for you. It is especially beautiful to use before meditation. Also using the Pallas Athena quintessence for a re-awakening to love, beauty and creativity would be good. You can order them at

On the physical level, eating strawberries as an antioxidant would be good for you. Twice a week. Also tomato puree 3 times a month for lycopene. You need more manganese, about 16 mg as a daily intake. Also vitamin E, about 600 iu every 4 days for about 3 months. Vitamin B6 200 mg every 3 days for 6 months. Folic acid, 40 mg. Every other day for 5 months. Boswella, a vitanutrient for inflammation, 180 mg. Every 3rd day for 3 months.

Valerian Plus, a shaklee product, would be good for you, as you are holding a lot of tension. Alfalfa would be good for you. Also EPA, for high cholesterol, and garlic to strengthen your ureters. Call 1-800 shaklee to order the ones in this paragraph.

I am getting that new surroundings, or taking a trip would also help you get out of this stagnation period.

You might also think about going to a good chiropractor and checking out if your coccyx needs to be re-aligned. And check into whether or not you have low blood pressure.

Sending blessings, Ayal

next 390. "I suffer from fatigue and feel I have some kind of block between myself and life"

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