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"I feel abandoned, alone, and afraid as a result of my family moving away"

Hi Ayal,

I just found your website right now (synchronistically, I think). I have been feeling very trapped and anxious the last couple of days. Here is my main issue: My parents and sister are moving away. We have always been a very tight-knit family, and even though I just turned 27 and am married (for 7 yrs) with 2 kids of my own, I am still very close to my family. I feel abandoned, alone, and afraid as a result of their impending move. I've turned to my husband for help with this issue and surprisingly, he was actually helpful and very understanding, however, he isn't always this way with many of my issues. He's told me that he fears the fact that I might want to move away with my parents. The truth is that yes, I actually did consider that (and I felt really guilty about feeling that. To think that I would separate my kids from their father for my own selfish needs made me feel really bad.) I've talked to him about possibly moving somewhere near my parents, and even though he had considered this before my parents had even decided to move, now that they are moving, he doesn't want to consider it at all. In a way, I feel that this is unfair, even though I understand that he wouldn't want to change jobs and make all these changes just so that I could be near my family.

Anyway, I've been feeling really trapped lately. I feel alone, I don't have any friends outside of my family, I am very shy, which doesn't help the situation, and quite honestly, I feel out of control. I wish that I could decide for myself what I need without it having to affect my husband or my children. What do I do to help me get rid of these crazy feelings? Also, my second issue is my weight. I've tried to lose weight, but it's never as consistent as I would like. The only time that I saw that I lost weight almost effortlessly was when I suspected that my husband was cheating on me (which as far as I know, he was not). During this time, I lost the most weight without even trying. I think that I have a dependency issue going on here and this is causing the weight to just stay put. What do you think? By the way, if you need more information, please email me. I just didn't want to make this any longer than it already is.


Hi - Well, my first thought is that when you marry, it is appropriate to let go of your family of origin, in terms of where you first allegiance lies, and you put that allegiance with your own family. You become the adult, in other words, and not the child. If you are still needing the security of being the child, then you have some work to do to strengthen your sense of who you are and your own sense of security and power. That has to come from within you. No one else, not parents, sisters, friends, or husband, can give that to you.

I invite you to look up some information offered at in an article about embracing all of yourself. This issue you are facing also seems to be an ancestral issue. The job of one's family is to give its members stability and security - to give them strong roots - but then to give them wings, or their own ability to love and take care of themselves. Then, the person is able to feel safe and strong about going out into the world, to develop who they are as an individual, and not simply see themselves as part of a family unit. It sounds, perhaps, as if your family has not known how to do this. Somewhere it did not allow the child to grow up and become independent,, or feel good about yourself. You are needing to develop your own personal expression and creativity. Find out what you love to do, and then go out and do it. Take a class - do whatever you need to do to find what you love and pursue that, instead of pursuing your family in an attempt to feel loved and safe.

Using the Aura-Soma product, the emerald green pomander, for finding your own space, and going to the heart of things, would be a good thing for you to do. Also, ordering the turquoise Maha Chohan quintessence, called the Greater Teacher, for encouraging positive qualities and releasing feelings that need to be expressed would be very beneficial for you. You can order them at Also, I think that if you look up The Foundation for Shamanic Studies on the net, and take a class where you are instructed in shamanic journeying, that would be very empowering for you. You need to do some shamanic journeying to find out about yourself and your own power.

Eating strawberries, broccoli, and tomato puree, taking PABA as a basic vitamin supplement, as well as thiamin and folic acid, and bilberry, for inflammation, would be good for you.

Weight is, in most instances, a protective barrier we put on when we don't feel safe or grounded in our own sense of self. There is an issue showing up for you regarding feeling "discarded", or thrown away, thinking you weren't worth anything. If this issue is at the heart of your feelings of insecurity, then it makes sense that you might put on weight because of it. There is also an issue showing up called "favoritism", which means that you felt someone else was more favored or respected or accepted or loved then you were. I think this relates back to the family issues - if you are still trying to get their love, and you feel insecure without it because you are not seeking it or producing it from within yourself, you will continue to feel miserable, alone, alienated, and frightened. The place to look for that sense of love and well being and support is WITHIN YOURSELF. What stops you from giving that to yourself? Just because your family, possibly, could not give it to you does not mean that you cannot discover how to change that old pattern and give love to yourself. The issue of self rejection is showing up. Until you no longer reject yourself, your life will be painful. When you mention your husband, you, speak of him as if you do not expect to be treated well by him, or honored, as if also "discards" you. Well, this situation with him is getting created out of that energetic thought/belief pattern you carry around within yourself: you expect to be disregarded, discarded, and not treated well, as if you are of no importance. This is an energetic pattern that needs to be looked at, faced head on, and released. It would be good for you to say this twice a day for 2 months:

"Mother-Father-God and Holy Spirit: Assist me by disconnecting all energy connections from others to me, and from me to others. Thank you."
What that will do is help you to disconnect from operating out of these old energetic patterns with other people. Here's what you need to focus on instead: Watch how you speak about yourself: what words you use, and only use words that allow you to feel good about yourself and to feel loved and empowered. What would it feel like to really love yourself and tell yourself what you appreciate about yourself,? I invite you to tell yourself 3 things you really like about yourself, twice a day, for 2 months, and see how you feel after that. Acknowledge who you are with gratitude and generosity. Say this, twice a day for2 months:
"I am deeply thankful for all that I've received, and I enjoy giving to others and to myself in the spirit of love and service."
It would be great for you to do some healing on your 2nd chakra, which has to do with how you feel about yourself. Here is some information on that chakra, and how to work with healing it:

Sit in meditation, twice a day for the next 3 years, for 15 minutes each time, and visualize the color orange at the pelvic/genital area. See an orange, beautiful, glowing wheel of light there, spinning gently clockwise, and ask that whatever needs to be healed is healed; whatever needs to be released is released, and whatever needs to be restored is restored, 100%. Then, play around with transforming the issues found in the 2nd chakra, as found in the information below.

The 2nd chakra: Svadisthana or sacral chakra

(a) The 2nd chakra is the partnership/power of relationships chakra. With the 2nd chakra, energy shifts from obeying tribal authority to discovering other relationships that satisfy personal, physical needs. Every relationship we develop serves the purpose of helping us to become more conscious. Relationships are all spiritual messengers. To learn to see ourselves as reflected by the duality. from All is One (the tribe), to being/seeing the other. It is all about Mirroring, seeing ourselves reflected back to us in the form of the other. Learning that we create our own reality: Life reflected back to us. In the 2nd chakra we learn that we must divide before we can come back together consciously.

(b) Exploring the power of choice - dealing with duality/significance of opposites so that we come to know ourselves/personal and professional decision making ability and talent.

(c) Independent interactions - giving and receiving physical, mental, and spiritual pleasure. Flow of power between self and others - relationships and their effects on us.

(d) The ability to survive physically and financially on one's own: power, money; self sufficiency/personal identity and boundaries/ to defend and protect oneself/ fight or flight/ ability to take risks/ the resilience to recover from loss.

(e) The desire to create, managing creative energy, and contribute - honor one another - managing sexual power/the quantity of emotional and sexual energy.

(f) Love manifests as caring for others to whom we are not connected by blood.

(g) Enables us to generate a sense of personal identity and protective psychological boundaries- the 2nd chakra energy of a healthy physical ego keeps us able to interact with the world of seductive forces (sex, money, other people, etc) without having to sell ourselves.

(h) Our need to control the dynamics of our physical environment Attachments to authority, money, people, other power sources.

Universal Lesson: To learn to interact consciously with others to form unions with people who support our development and to release relationships that handicap our growth.

I think it would be useful for you to carefully look over this 2nd chakra info I have sent, and taking it piece by piece, ask yourself how you do in those areas it speaks about. Ask, in mediation, for guidance and help to transform and heal these issues. For instance:

Where am I at with:

(1) Understanding and accepting that every relationship I develop serves the purpose of helping me to become more conscious?

(2) Have I learned to see myself as reflected by the relationship I'm in?

(3) How well do I make and use the power of choice? How am I with personal and professional decision making ability and talent?

(4) Do I still have fear or doubt regarding my ability to survive physically and financially on my own? Where am I at regarding issues of power, money, self sufficiency? Do I get seduced by the world of seductive forces (sex, money, other people, etc)? Do I sell myself out in any way to get these things? Do I have any attachments to authority, money, people, other power sources outside of myself?

(5) Do I set people up as authority over me, as a boss, etc., and then feel resentful, angry, afraid?

(6) Where am I at regarding issues that deal with personal identity and boundaries? How well do I defend and protect myself? Do I go into fight or flight?

(7) Where am I at in my ability to take risks?

(8) where am I at regarding my resilience to recover from loss?

(9) Where am I at with my desire to create? How well do I manage creative energy, and contribute?

(10) How well am I able to honor and care about others?

(11) How well do I manage sexual power? Where am I at with my emotional and sexual energy?

(12) Where am I regarding any need to control the dynamics of my physical environment?

(13) Do I consciously choose to form unions with people who support my development and can I release relationships that handicap my growth?

(14) When I feel uncomfortable, do I blame others, or do I ask: "do I have inferiority or insecurity or inadequacy up?"If so, can I give myself love encouragement, understanding, and support?

So - these are some great questions to explore to move you forward and shift out of and/or not create dysfunctional patterns and/or relationships. Try it and see what you get, being really honest with yourself - and, if you choose to, then ask to see how to shift that pattern into something better for you.

Blessings, Ayal

next 383. "Why can't I completely heal the problem with my sinuses?"

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