"My mother says that she hates me, and that she wishes that she never had me"
Dear Ayal,
Me and my mom have so many problems. She's never nice to me. She is always yelling at me, and she never has a nice word to say to me. She's nice to my younger sister, and my older brother. She lets them do whatever they want. My little sister gets me in trouble all of the time. She tells my mom things to get me in trouble, and half the time, i didn't do anything. I do have a lip on me, but that doesn't give her a reason to hate me. All my friends even ask me why my mom hates me. Is it because i look so much like my dad, and she just cant stand of the thought of my dad, and what he did to her? That wasn't my fault. She tells me that she hates me, and that she wishes that she never had me. Them aren't the things that you say to your daughter, especially if i didn't ask to be brought into this world. I just need somebody to talk to. Will you please give me some words of wisdom?
Hi - glad that you wrote in. Well, what's really going on here for you is your own anger and resentment. People and relationships in our lives are simply mirrors for us of what's going on for us on the inside... what beliefs and thoughts we are carrying around inside of us. As we change how we feel on the inside, the outside world and the people in it change to reflect our new state of mind back to us. How surprised would you be that when you let go of your anger and open your heart to send out love to others, you will get that back? Well, that's how it works.
You have an issue going on called "self rejection" - you believe also that you are useless - none of that is true, but you are believing it. What that means is that YOU have rejected yourself, and your mother is a mirror of that energy for you. When you choose to love yourself and feel good about yourself, your relationship with your mother, and everyone else, will change too. You also, because of this, tend to be too hasty about what you do and how you act - as you said, you have "a lip" on you. You need to take a few moments and breathe deeply and get calm before you say things. As you do this, go into your heart, feel your heart, and ask yourself: "Do I have feelings of inferiority up?" If so, then you need to send yourself love and tell yourself that you are wonderful and good enough. You can place both hands over your heart and silently say to yourself: "MY heart is enough." This will help you begin to open your heart.
It would be good for you to start meditating, every day - try to find and set up the same time to do it each day - as this will also help you change this old energy that only hurts you. To do this, find a quiet, private place, and sit quietly for 20 minutes with eyes closed. Imagine a nose right in the middle of your forehead, and breathe in through that. Then, as you exhale, silently say the word "HU", pronounced "you", which is an ancient name for God. This meditation really helps you clear stuff up.Your life will truly get amazingly better.
Here's another way to clear up these issues: imagine all those feelings of anger and resentment, and any thoughts or beliefs you have about yourself where you're thinking you're not good enough, or where you reject yourself or don't like yourself, and put it all into an imaginary balloon with a string attached to it. Then, after filling it up completely, cut the string, and let the balloon go up into space where it will all dissolve. I'd do this twice a day for 3 weeks. As you do this, also say the following:
It would also be great for you to clear your 2nd chakra, which deals with the ability to feel good enough about yourself that you can give and receive loving energy to others. To do this, IMAGINE A GLOWING ORANGE LIGHT AT YOUR PELVIS AREA, SPINNING GENTLY, AND ASK THAT ANYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE RELEASED FROM THIS CHAKRA IS RELEASED, AND ANYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE RESTORED IS RESTORED.
It takes courage to change ourselves, but you can do it, and then life feels so much better!
Here's something fun, but important for you to read: it's about how we can ask for help from God (represented here as the Tech support) to install love:
INSTALLING LOVE
Tech Support: Yes Ma'am... how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart ma'am?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge, Resentment and Anger running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge, Resentment and Anger. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge, Resentment and Anger have completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started to install itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry ma'am. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Can you pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Negative Self-Talk and Judging Others from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My Heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So now Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules and Love Upgrades back to you.
Customer: I promise to do just that. By the way, what's your name?
Tech Support: Just call me the Divine Cardiologist, or just "I AM." Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy; but, the manufacturer (ME) suggests a daily maintenance schedule for maximum Love Efficiency.
Blessings, Ayal
