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"My boyfriend is so hard-headed, I can't tell him anything"

Dear Ayal,

I really need your help with a few things that have been bothering me about my relationship and my own personal feelings. My fianc and I have been together for a year and a half. Things were great at first... We were together all the time, but I got tired of him being around me constantly then he started being a bit distant and I couldn't stand that either. I don't know what I want out of him. Sometimes I feel as if he doesn't care about me enough, but he assures me that he loves me. I just don't get it. We'll break up then make up and then break up again. We only break up overnight and it's so frustrating. We argue about the silliest things... I just don't know what to do.

He's a bit younger than I am... I'm 21 and he's 19. He just recently moved into a home with a friend of his and his friend's girlfriend and I'm completely mad about that... This "friend" is a bad person for him to be around and I've told him that, but he won't listen to me. He and I haven't been spending any time together other than whenever I see him at work because he's always "Too tired" or he's "Gotta go do something". I've been really depressed over this...

I care so much about him and I don't want to lose him or see him get into any trouble because he's so hard headed I can't tell him anything. I also think that he's cheated on me before because he always tells lies over the silliest things. He will tell lies over nothing! It's like he doesn't know how to tell the truth.

I know he loves me and I don't think he'd cheat on me from what he's said, but that thought still lingers in my head. I am desperate for some help with all of this... I cry all the time whenever he doesn't return my calls or he's busy and can't talk to me. I never used to be like this over anyone and I don't know what's wrong with me now. I really need some help... If you could help to guide me in a better direction I would be SO thankful.


Hi - you are needing to do some healing with your inner child. There are some feelings you carry about being rejected by your family that need to be explored and cleared up. This fear is operating also with your boyfriend. I invite you to sit quietly in meditation, and after breathing deeply for a while and becoming still within and calm, speak with your inner child to see what's going on for her. There is a lot of anger there, and blaming of others. Just ask your inner child to be present with you and converse with her in meditation to see what's going on and what you can do to help. You are caught in still behaving as a child - what showed up were some issues around throwing tantrums. There is a need to accept the pace of others and of life. You are wanting things to be the way you want them to be - you are wanting others to be the way you want them to be, and when things don't go that way, you get upset. This is how a child reacts, but as an adult one needs to respond differently in order for life and relationships to work out.

You can't tell others what to do or who to be with or who to like - that is a violation of their life journey. That, too, is not how one communicates as an adult. I invite you to read the article which is listed at the end of the home page on 'The Art of Communication' - I'd read it many times until you have a sense of how clear and non-harmful communication works.

When one goes into fear, if they are not clear, they go into behaving from what is called self will, which is "My way or the highway." They then go into pride, which is a false sense of superiority: "I I know better than you and so I can tell you what to do." This makes others feel inferior, and no one wants to be around someone who does that. It doesn't feel good. When someone feels inferior, they then go into a defensive mode of behavior, into defending themselves, and to get out of feeling defensive, which feels like a weaker position, they also go into self will, or power tripping, in order to feel that they are supporting themselves. Then the other person feels fear from this, and the loop goes on and on. That is the loop you and your boyfriend are caught in, and why you fight over everything. It never works, and is very destructive.

So, instead of being in that destructive loop, one must ask oneself, when one goes into fear: "Do I have a sense of inferiority happening in myself?"

Then one must take an honest look at oneself and explore where this sense of inferiority is coming from. It isn't coming from what anyone else is doing or not doing. It comes from patterns and beliefs and ways of thinking about yourself that are already inside of you. This is when it's up to you to do your own inner exploration, inner work and healing.

Another factor showing up here is this: you are losing your own sense of clarity and power because you are too entangled with your boyfriend's energy. When one has sex with another, there are actually psychic cords that connect you to that other person. These cords allow an energy exchange to continue long after the act of sex itself is over. Your energy is then mixed up and connected to that other person's in a way that can be detrimental, unclear, and confusing for a long time. Therefore, we must cut the cords that bind us to another's energy in order to regain our own sense of self after making love.

When we come from a place of need, when we "need" something from another, we attach a cord to them, not from the heart, but from other, less clear places. This pulls and sucks at the energy of another and can cause consequences which do not work for the Highest Good, for any concerned. That is why true Love is called unconditional. We do not place conditions or expectations on it. It is freely given.

In order to live healthfully, we need to have all of our own energy in our own space, in our own bodies. We do not try to direct or influence the lives of others, or put out cords toward them. We do not need the energy of others to survive. We are all our own power generators with our own life plans, with infinite resources of energy at our disposal. All that we need to do is to tune into that Divine Source of energy and allow it to flow into us. All we need to do is be willing to receive it. There are many techniques and methods which show us the way to open and receive this Divine energy, which is the energy we breathe with each breath and which fills every cell of our beings, giving us life.

When we feel unclear, tired, irritated, upset, or drained, an important healing tool to use is to sit in meditation and using inner vision, scan one's body, both the front and the back. Energetic cords can be sensed., and some people even have the ability to see them. If you see or sense a cord attached to you from another, or a cord going out from you to something or someone else, you can imagine yourself cutting the cords and allowing the energy to return where it belongs. You can also state this, as you cut the cords:

"Mother-Father God and Holy Spirit: Assist me by disconnecting all energy connections from me to others and from others to me."

When the cords have been cut, surround yourself with a beautiful cocoon of glowing, white light, and state:

"I now am willing to connect with my Divine Source of energy, and I allow only the Highest Vibration of Love to connect me to others, and others to me."

By establishing their rightful connection to their own true Source of Power, a person lives in freedom, and allows others to live in freedom, sharing only that which is of true benefit for all.

It also seems that an issue is up for you about whether or not you can truly trust this guy. It sounds as if you are very confused about this. Distrust also stems from being in fear. Whether or not you can truly trust him is something you will have to decide. Your work, however, is to get clear yourself, and then make decisions about your life and what you choose to do from a clear place. This comes from healing yourself and your own issues.

2 products will help you as you grow and mature with this process of learning to be a more clear adult and less a fearful, angry child. The olive green aura-soma pomander, which can be ordered at - for courage and positive thinking, and also the magenta quintessence for creativity, remaining free of negative energy, and awakening to beauty.

Blessings, Ayal

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