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"I've split with my man because he's made secret life policies that exclude me"

Dear Ms Ayal:

im a 42 year old woman with 5 children, the reason why im writing to you is because i made a decision about my relationship which lasted 8yrs. We broke up a few times during our relationship, but we always got back together. I recently found out that he had purchased 3 separate life insurances and 2 of those did not include me only his son. One of the policies is for me and his just in case he dies. The other one is in case his son dies and the last one is for his son in case the father dies. The fact of the matter is that i did not know about any of these policies only the one that included me and his son. I feel that legally i dont have any rights because we are not married. Since he is a very sick man, im afraid that his son's mother has more rights than i do even though they are divorced. I feel like i have invested all these years so that someone else can end up benefiting from our relationship. There is a lot more to this story, but right know this is what is troubling me. I want to know is there any logic to what im feeling or am i over reacting. I broke up with him about 3 days ago. He thinks that im just mad about the fact that he is getting a job after being without one for many years. On last thing i would like to mention is that he rather send $25 to charity than give it to me.

Waiting to hear from you....


Well, hopefully you invested all of those years because you chose to love someone and be with him. I understand if you have feelings of betrayal going on - but my question to you would be: what in YOU is creating situations where you feel betrayed? Everything in life is simply a mirror back to us of some belief we are holding onto. Your situation sounds like it has some martyr stuff going on in it. "I gave so much, and now I'm betrayed. I'll be overlooked, or, I'm not important enough to be considered. Or, others will always get more than me." Are these thoughts and beliefs that you live from? Do they work well for creating the life you want? If not, you may want to explore living from other beliefs. It's never about another person, place, or thing. It's about what YOU create in your life from what you believe. If you have a belief that you will give and give and then be betrayed, or that you will be left out of the loop, or not appreciated, etc., then that is what you will create. If you have a belief that when you give it's in order to get something back - well, that never works. We give because we have CHOSEN to give. Because it is our CHOICE to give. Period. No strings attached. Sounds as if you've had a lot of strings attached to your giving. That isn't really giving.

If you aren't really giving, then the universe will mirror, or reflect that back to you, so what you'll create is others not really giving to you. See how it works? That's a perfect example of how what we operate from comes back to us. The universe sets it up that way so we get a chance to see what we're operating from. If we don't like what comes back to us, then we have to look at ourselves to see what we're creating out of. It's a gift from the universe, this form of mirroring who we are and what we believe, so that we can change it if we want to. We get the chance to do it differently so that our lives can work better, and so that we can live from thoughts and beliefs that create good in our lives, that have us feel good about ourselves and others.

I also wonder what is going on that you speak more of the monetary aspect, about what you will get, rather than about any feelings for this man. What's that about? I think you are creating being in the victim role, big time. When you say "he'll even give $25 to charity rather than to me" - well, it's not up to him, first of all, to take care of you. It's up to you to take care of you. It sounds as if you sit around waiting for his hand outs. For him to throw you a bone. That's not a very good place to be, to live from, to either feel good about yourself, empowered, or worthwhile, is it? Then you're resentful. Do you expect to be treated poorly? If so, then you will also create that.

You've set it up to have no power. If you choose to live from a clear place of power, then you have to be responsible for yourself. How come you're not taking care of yourself but instead waiting for someone else to do it? You can certainly create your life that way if you choose to - and it IS all about how we choose to create - no one creates how our life is but ourselves - but it doesn't sound as if you are getting much joy or sense of self worth from it. Your sense of self worth is up to you. It's up to you how you feel about yourself. It's up to you to know that you are worthwhile and good enough. What you make of your life is entirely up to you. If you create it from feelings and beliefs that you are a poor victim who doesn't get what she deserves, then that is what you will get.

If you are unhappy with this response, my only other suggestion is that you go see an attorney and explore the situation. But, if you want to heal yourself on the deepest level and create your life differently from now on, this is the best I can give you.

Blessings, Ayal

next 243. "What can I say to people who talk about me and think I have AIDS"

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