"My best friend dismisses my beliefs and is happy if I have problems"
Hi Ayal!
I hope you've been well. Just a quick update, the last time I wrote, I mentioned my difficulty in losing weight. I've really been working on clearing some of the blocks you sensed and, even though it's been up and down, I've lost about 15 lbs since I last wrote, so I'm really excited about that.
I have two questions that I think might be related. I have a very long term friendship with a woman I consider to be my best friend. Our relationship has been relatively smooth. However I fear that I have allowed a pattern to develop in our relationship that in the long run is not good for our relationship or my own personal growth. For some time now I have sensed an energy of superiority coming from my friend that makes me uncomfortable. There's this energy of competition and what I perceive as an effort to show that she is "wiser" than I. There have also been incidents where she's openly dismissive of my thoughts or beliefs. I typically don't say anything because I just don't expect people to always say or do the "right thing". It's my way of accepting their humanity and growth process, but I fear that the message I send is that it is okay to be rude or insensitive to me. Moreover, it seems like this kind of behavior has become more obvious in the last few months as my life has gotten so much better. I feel like my friend kind of "lights up" when I have problems and lacks interest when things are going well. I'm open to the notion that this is "all in my head", but do you sense any of these energies between us? And what would you suggest that I do energetically to change the dynamics of this relationship.
My second question has to do with managing my own energy. On a fairly frequent basis I find myself coming home and feeling as though I have put "too much of my energy out there". It's almost like a sense of being too exposed or over-extended. I literally have to have some downtime alone to "call my energy back". I think both the situation with my friend and my feelings of being energetically depleted suggest I'm not doing a good job of managing my own energy or deflecting the energy of others. I've recently signed up for a class on managing your own psychic energy, but I'd like to know what you sense might be at the root of this. Thanks.
Hi - what's going on here with your friend is that you have gone into the child place with her, seeking approval from her. That has created her taking on the adult role with you of critical parent. You had also written in a bit ago about feeling some deep sadness about not feeling connected to or supported by your family. You see yourself as being so different from them and for making choices that they have not made for themselves, that this need for their approval remains an unfulfilled need for you. You are playing out that need, trying to get love and support and approval, unconsciously, from your friend.
The second question is the same as the first. When we do not feel that we have received the love or support of our families, or in our lives, we often become caretakers. We give our energy away, trying so hard to do the right thing, or offer our services or help, or advice, or whatever it is that we do to try to get others to love us, that we deplete ourselves. It's an exhausting thing. A good image would be that of the sieve - we try so hard to get that love from elsewhere, and we work so hard to get it, but it just goes right through the holes. That's because we have to fill that hole up with our own approval of ourselves. It can't come from outside of ourselves. We must come to Love ourselves wholly and unconditionally without withholding one iota or grain of love from ourselves, and that is what plugs the holes in the sieve up. When we can do that, we are in Love with the whole world, and the world responds to that love. Everything we see is beautiful. "Our cup runneth over" so to speak. We are so filled up ourselves that we spill all that light filled, radiant love onto everything and everybody. And then that Light is reflected back to us. Nice cycle, yes?
What would be the brilliance and purpose (the B & P) of you creating being born into a family that would be so different from you, so unable to value what you value, support you, or attain what you have been able to so courageously attain? Think about that one for a bit, and then read on. See what you come up with.
I think that you have an issue that you came in with about not valuing YOURSELF - so, your family's non support has simply been a mirror for you of that belief. You are seeing, this time around, just how strong and courageous and beautiful you are! The support you are so needing must first be given from yourself, to yourself. Then the universe will reflect what YOU have created, the level you vibrate on, back to you in the form of supportive energy from others. If you do not deep down approve of yourself, then you will create others responding to you from that same energy wavelength or vibration. This wavelength is still operating in you because it gets reflected back to you in your own disapproval of your family, right? Since they are a part of you, it's a reflection of that same disapproval you put out on yourself. It's just a mirror.
So, what's not to like? Not a thing. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We've all heard that from the get go, but what could be more true? It's how we choose to perceive things that make them a certain way in our eyes. I think that you are choosing to learn this time around how to see as God sees. To see with the Eyes of God. You know the phrase "till thine eye be single....etc. etc."? Well, what that means is until we see with the spiritual eye, the Eye of God, which is One, (6th chakra) and which sees that All is One (when we see with 2 eyes we see duality- good and bad, right and wrong) - then we see clearly, and there is nothing that is not seen as God.
Your sadness, which needs to be released, has come from a false conclusion you made that you weren't good enough. That is the same thing as saying or believing you are not God. That denies your Godself and then one lives from the state of mind or point of view of the ego, which sees everything as apart from. Apart from my family; apart from myself, etc. etc. That's it's job, up until we decide to view things differently. God does not forgive because God never has condemned. God just sees the perfection of the moment, in all its glory. That's really all there is. Each moment is a new moment we open to with a compassionate and loving heart to see what the next adventure will be - what the next opportunity to share love will look like, in each moment, and how best to do it. It's a great challenge: "How do I respond with love here"? We breathe in, tune in, let the love flow, and then we play that musical note, so to speak, that comes through us to fit that exact moment. What fun! We may not know what that note is, but if we take a moment, listen, and request it with an open heart, we'll hear it, instead of worrying that we ourselves are not being accepted. Sort of a cosmic treasure hunt, in a way, in each moment.
So - if you choose to see with the Eyes of God, seeing yourself and others in that way, guess what you get to experience? Are you willing to let go of your sadness and false beliefs in order to have THAT experience? It's pretty orgasmic, let me tell you! Feels pretty damn good. What we focus on is what we get. If you look at yourself from eyes that see only beauty (as Krishna says: "SEE ME IN EVERYTHING!!"), you will see a gorgeous being of Light that you can only feel incredible Love for. Look at the Light in your eyes when you look into the mirror. That's who you are.
So, next time, when you relate to your friend, remember that Light in your eyes when you speak to her, come from that place, and watch what happens. If we come from the wounded child when we relate to someone, standing there anxiously waiting and wanting and hoping that they will love and receive us, we will set that up and create that scenario - we will get back exactly what we expect and think we will get back. If we come from the loving, mature soul being that we are, and we are just in Love with the moment, with ourselves, with the breeze blowing around us, with the Light in your friend's eyes, with the dog barking down the street, and that Love is what we radiate outward to whomever we're with.... and we 're not wondering if we'll be loved... because we already ARE feeling that Love..... what you will create is only an incredible moment of Love and mutual acceptance and delight in one another. And you'll have LOTS of energy.
Blessings, Ayal
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