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"I feel jealous of my boyfriend's other women friends"


I have just found your website and what I have just read sounded very interesting indeed. I'm wondering if I can ask for your help on a recurring problem I have in my relationships.

I am in my early thirties and have a lovely kind boyfriend - very different from my last partner who was mentally and physically abusive. At least I've grown in some aspect! The problem is this... my boyfriend seems to attract very confident women who make it very obvious that they are interested in him, regardless of the fact that he has a girlfriend. There is one particular woman at the moment who very clearly likes him (she confided in his brother) and she is becoming a part of our social circle. She and I don't speak much but she is always very chatty and flirty with my partner. I can't seem to get this out of my head and I obsess about how pretty/clever /funny she is and am always looking for signs that my partner is interested back. We end up arguing about it lots. I suppose part of me is wanting him to leave me so I can be proved right - its like I'm pushing him a way although that's really the last thing I want.

I would really like to sort this problem once and for all. Any thoughts you have on the subject would be greatly appreciated.


Hi - What is showing up for you is the need for some past life cleansing. In that life, something happened where your 2nd chakra was affected (the chakra of personal feelings of worthiness), and you came away with the belief that giving who you are wasn't good enough. So, there are a lot of issues having to do with feeling rejected, destroyed, and not good enough going on. You also bought into feeling guilty that you didn't do it good enough. In other words, you judged yourself and made yourself "wrong". We always do it good enough - because whatever we create we have created for a purpose - to learn and grow in some wonderful way. Guilt keeps us locked into the issue, because we think we're bad, and so we hide from facing that false belief, thinking it's true and that we really ARE bad, and we keep pushing the issue further and further away from being able to see it because we feel ashamed ... and so we add another layer onto the false belief that we're bad, and so on and so forth, and on it goes.

You are still believing this, or attached to this false belief, embroiled in it, so to speak, and you need to cut the cords connecting you to it. The Kahunas, the powerful Hawaiian healers, believe that every time you think a particular thought about something, you send a cord of energy to that person, object, or belief. The more you think of it, the thicker the cord becomes. So, the fact that you have thought this from lifetime to lifetime makes it a pretty good sized cord connecting you to it. I invite you to visualize this cord, and then see yourself cutting it - see the thought form completely dissolving away. Using the violet flame of transmutation while you do this would be very helpful also. The violet ray is the divine aspect which deals with the transmutation of energy - so, you envision a violet flame of light all around you, taking this old energy and turning it back into just pure, clear energy. The Archangel Zadkiel is the keeper of the violet flame, so asking him to help during this would be good. Just give it over to the violet flame and watch it dissolve.

You can say: "All the places in my mind, body, and life, in this life or any other, down to the cellular level of my being, through all the auric levels, in all the dimensions and generations, through all space and time, where this has been a problem, is healing now."

Your boyfriend may attract confident women into his life, but you are the Creator of ALL that happens in your life, so attracting women into YOUR life who seem threatening to you, who seem more confident than you, who seem to have "more to give than you" - as your belief has you see it - is a direct creation of yours, a mirror of this issue, due to this program still operating.

We are all meant to shine, as all children do, before they start getting wounded by creating or believing in false beliefs. We are not meant to be other than we are, which is a ray of Light manifested into physical form.

Under all of these misconstrued thought forms, is a beautiful shining being of Light that nothing can change. That's the journey of clearing away the false conclusions we've made, out of fear or misunderstanding, in order to see who we really are underneath all of that. It's just like taking an eraser and erasing a picture you've drawn that you don't particularly like. And what you find is this gorgeous Child of God. An artist learning to draw in more and more masterful ways. It's all just practice!! Everything that you see around you in this world that you love, that is lovely - is what you are. You couldn't see it if it wasn't within you to have created it, right? Think about that for a bit, hmmmm...... When you KNOW that, then that energy is what you can choose consciously to create within and without.

We are a living blueprint of God - that's what we are. Just as every cell in our bodies carries the blueprint for the entire body, so each individual being carries the blueprint of all that is God - we are all cells in the body of God, in other words. When we become aware of what we are, then any false beliefs we've had about who we are drop away, and the cell is shining and healthy as it is made to be... and actually, always is. We just don't allow ourselves to recognize that until the point comes when we are ready to allow ourselves to remember what we truly are... and let go of false beliefs. It's just like cleaning the windshield of your car. Same thing. Under the bugs and dust is a clear windshield, right? When you're ready to wash it off, that's what you find.

Blessings, Ayal


Thank you so much for getting back to me - much appreciated. I've just read your answer and it is a lot to take in so I'm going to go over it some more times. I've just been a way for a few days and found out that my boyfriend has been spending time with the woman that I am particularly worried about. I'm wondering if she is a real concrete threat or will I not be so bothered about her when I've sorted myself out?... Will she in actual fact just fade away if she is a mirror of my fears? I'm feeling quite stomach sick about the whole thing. If you can shed any more light on her I would be very grateful indeed.

Many thanks for your time and advice.


Hello. Well, it's not about her. It's about your issue and where you are coming from. What happens in our lives is neutral - it is the spin we put on it that makes it seem a certain way. In other words, everything we feel comes from a state of mind. Our thoughts create our reality, and our thoughts generate an emotion to go along with them.

Have you ever wondered about what makes the same situation feel different from one day to the next? For instance, if I am feeling insecure, or my issues are up, and I look in the mirror, I'll probably think I look awful. Later that same day - it could be even moments later - if I am feeling good about things, and I look in the mirror, I'll probably think I look great. Now, my image hasn't changed, right? But my way of "perceiving" or looking at things has changed.

That's why people respond to the same event or experience in different ways. Something may happen, such as a woman decides to get divorced. One person who may have gone through a terrible, angry divorce looks at that situation and says "Oh, how terrible for her. I'm so sorry for her." Another person who got divorced and it was the best thing in the world would say: "Oh. That's great. Good for her." It all depends on what filters we are looking through. If you put on yellow sunglasses, then everything in your world will look yellow, right? If you are full of sadness (let's say those are the yellow sunglasses), then everything you see will, in all likelihood, look and feel sad to you. That's what you filter everything through. That's how it works. How we view something comes from whatever internal feelings and dialogue we have going on inside of us. That's how, when you change your internal landscape, your external landscape changes to match it.

So, in answer to your question, when you no longer feel insecure, when you no longer feel that you don't have as much to give as others, then you would be able to see your boyfriend with this woman and not feel threatened or insecure. You'd just see two people talking together. If you are still wearing yellow sunglasses (let's say this is your insecure issue), you will see threatening situations - you will interpret what is happening from your fear.

Now, unless it is cleared, this issue will continue to create situations for you where what you fear does happen, even if it only happens in your thoughts or imagination - but that's still you creating it being that way, in some form, from what you believe, or fear, will happen. Life will follow what you believe. So, if this issue of feeling insecure overpowers and is stronger than your knowing and recognizing your own worth... if it overpowers your ability to believe that relationships will work out for you, that you can trust your partner to be faithful and love you - if you believe that you will be abandoned and rejected more strongly than you believe the other, then chances are you will create from your fear, or, at the least, you will continue to feel troubled, fearful, and insecure much of the time.

I remember one day when I was feeling upset and angry - I was talking on the phone to my teacher, telling him what was going on for me and how hard things were, and how angry and upset I was, and in the other room, my children were playing a board game with our housemate. They were really going at each other, it seemed to me, in an angry, snappish way, and it was troubling me. My teacher said, release your own anger. Transmute it, and then look at them. I thought, what do you mean, my anger? What does my anger have to do with how they're behaving? But, I did what he asked. It took only a few moments. Then I turned around and looked at my children and this guy, and they were totally calm and enjoying the game. It was MY perception, my own anger, that had me seeing them in that way.

So, I hope that this clarifies things. Read the Laws of the Universe. That will help you integrate this information as well, in a profound way.

Blessings, Ayal

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