"I feel I need to put on a bit of weight to feel grounded"
First I want to start with a testimonial, and then I'll ask my question. About a year ago, I was surfing the net and found your website. At the time, I was truly in one of the darker moments of my life. I was profoundly depressed about my job, my financial situation, my romantic situation, where I lived... you name it. Even though I was a little wary at first, I decided to send you a question. Your answer to my question impressed me because as I read it felt right. Like you were confirming something that I intuitively knew but could not consciously grasp. Over this past year, I've asked a few more questions and your responses were always thoughtful and appealed to my intuitive sense of "knowing". Well, I want you to know that over the course of this year my life has been completely transformed. I moved to the city I wanted to move to and I live in a beautiful apartment. I also have a new job that I absolutely love and my financial status is the best it's ever been in my life! Everyday I thank divine spirit for seeing me through the darkest moments. I especially want to give my heartfelt thanks to you for helping me see what I needed to see and for sharing your insights. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
And now for my question! Periodically throughout my life I've experienced problems with my weight. Interestingly when I gain weight, it's not readily apparent to those around me. Rather it's just enough to make me feel uncomfortable. It's really clear to me that the extra weight makes me feel "safe" and even "grounded". When I've been at my ideal weight, I've felt much lighter and at times that made me feel a little uncomfortable. I also get a tremendous amount of pleasure out of eating. Not just the taste, but more the comfort of being full. I'm fairly certain my weight issue is tied to my unsuccessful and somewhat traumatic relationship history. I also think the extra weight is indicative of a much larger issue - my sense is something like being in a holding pattern, waiting for my good to come rather than being truly open to receiving. But I'd like to know what you sense. Do you sense any other blocks that make it difficult for me to lose the weight and keep it off? Also any spiritual techniques that are useful for working through this issue would be great. Thanks again for everything.
Hi - Thank you for your wonderful and uplifting testimonial! Wow! I felt great reading that! My husband suggested that I use it on the front page of the site. Would that be ok with you? I'm so glad to hear that you are creating your life so successfully! Thank you also for the integrity and continuing thoughtfulness you show by offering me a donation in exchange for the energy I share with you. That tells me a lot about your confidence in your ability to manifest for yourself - to feel you can share with others, and your recognition that what you put out comes back to you. As you share abundance with me, you create it for yourself!
Well, let's tune into this. Hmmm... the information I am getting is that this is an issue that has to do with sexuality regarding the father. Interestingly enough, another letter just came in that had to do with a similar issue. It seems to go like that on this column - people who are dealing with similar issues seem to write in at the same time. It would be good for you to do some past life work with this issue regarding your relationship with your father to see where this difficulty originated. Some forgiveness would be helpful here. Actually, beyond forgiveness is acceptance - when you see what you created this situation with your father for, then you take responsibility for having created it - you created it to teach yourself something important, and when you get what the lesson was, there is no need to keep on protecting yourself against something "out there", right? Or blaming anyone, including yourself, right, which also creates a need for protection?
When we have experienced some form of abuse, we still must carry around a belief in abuse - we can use pain as a teacher if we choose - it is as much a teacher as anything else, because we were given free will to learn to discern what way we choose to learn. If pain weren't around as a teacher, as something to compare it to other ways to learn, we'd never evolve into higher forms of relating. When we discern that pain isn't self honoring, we can choose to use other methods to teach ourselves. It isn't right or wrong, but it is about getting to the point where we honor life (which is God's creation, a God given gift to learn and grown by) so much that we eventually choose not to do harm in any way - to ourselves, or to all others.
The unconscious energy of abuse seems to come from a belief that we are not good enough - that we are separate from our godself. When we have this belief, we then manifest situations that cause us to have a hard time believing in ourselves - a hard time believing that we are good enough, and this can manifest in many ways - in our profession or career ( or lack of it), in our relationships, our family, etc. People treat others abusively because they are not awakened yet to the Truth of who they are. Have you heard the story of the men who are walking down the road and meet the Buddha? He is so radiant and he carries such an amazing energy that they don't know what he is. They ask him, "Are you an angel?" "No." he says. "Well, are you a god?" they ask him. "No", he says. "Are you a man?" they ask him. "No", he says. "Well, what ARE you?" they ask him. "I am awake," he says.
When people are unawakened or unconscious, they haven't learned how to create beliefs that are aligned with God's laws, so to speak, with what works for the Highest Good. It's like they are trying to swim against the current, and then they continue to feel battered and exhausted. They still carry around so much distortion and guilt and pain that, because they don't know how to change or heal it, they then project that onto others. Like throwing a hot potato into someone else's hands instead of finding a way to cool it down. And if the people they project their own feelings of lack of self worth onto also have that belief that they aren't good enough - if they also haven't gotten in touch with the truth of who they are as a Divine soul - then they will take it on, believing theselves to be unlovable and unworthy, and the cycle continues.
When you know who you truly are, then you can look upon the pain and distortions others are spewing out unconsciously without mingling with it. You then can offer a depth of compassion that comes from being secure. You know who you are. You know you are worth it, as you are everything that you Love. You are a divine spark of God incarnate. When you truly get that, you don't take on their energy, because you see it for what it is. Then you can give Love, giving out the energy of Yourself, which is Love. What that does is allow you to recognize that you are filled up, yourself, with what you ARE - you can only give out Love to someone whose energy is unclear if you know yourself to be made of Love.
We are so conditioned to "seek" love that we then become vulnerable and open ourselves up to feel abused if someone can't give it - it's just someone wrestling with the tar baby. If we do take it on, however, we then feel less than and unworthy of love if it didn't "COME" to us. The tar baby didn't say hello, and we are devastated and enraged. When you look at it that way, it appears so silly and obvious - but when you really think your feeling good about yourself, your emotional survival depends on the tar baby answering you, the pain is quite profound. When you realize that validation and love isn't something that comes to you from the outside - when you let go of that concept and reach inward and see the faucet there, then you don't have to go seeking what you already have - then there is never a let down based upon what others are able or not able to do yet - where they're at in their own development and understanding. Then you are not seeking to receive anything back, approval, gratification, safety, etc., because you already HAVE it, in an unceasing, unending flow. You see that you are filling yourself up constantly, self generating it, like an eternal fountain. It's just what you are. Then your body also reflects that - it is its natural and most beautiful self.
A great intention to do around this is this prayer:
Using the emerald green aura soma pomander for finding one's own space and going to the heart of things would be a good thing to do. It would be useful for you. Also, doing some polarity sessions would be helpful for you. See if there is a polarity practitioner near you.
Getting out in nature is also showing up. There is a peace in nature that is an astounding teacher and healer. Walk or sit in nature until you can feel it. Then breathe it into your body.
Many blessings to you, dear one.
Hi Ayal! Once again your insights were very helpful and confirmed the information I thought I was getting from my own intuitive work. Moving my bodily energy is a message I've received fairly often. This weekend I took your advice and went for a very long hike outdoors. Even though I haven't exercised regularly in months, I completed a 4 hour hike to 2000 ft pretty easily and I felt great afterwards! Clearly this is something my body and spirit and craves, but I still find it difficult at times to motivate myself to move. I'm so cerebral :) I also feel like the resistance is self-sabotage and/or a fear of what my life would be were I to truly "be" the person I'm always dreaming of becoming. I find the process of "becoming" is sometimes more seductive than actually "being" the person you're trying to become! (Hope that makes sense) I'm going to work with the prayer you've suggested and I also find journaling very helpful. I bought a sampler of the Aura-Soma pomanders and the emerald green is included. How should I work with it?
I hope you don't mind, but I did have another question that I forgot to ask you before. For several years I have often felt a distinct "presence". Like feeling an indentation on the bed as if someone was sitting next to me, or being touched. At times this has been amazingly blissful and wonderful. When I felt the presence I felt an overwhelming sense of well-being, peace, and love. At other times, it has been frightening. The last time was a few weeks ago. I was listening to one of my meditation tapes and it was an incredibly blissful experience, then I felt this "presence", at first I just felt it draw close to me. Then I literally felt it grabbing me by the collarbone and shaking me until I came out of my meditation. I'm assuming I'm not crazy :) So do you have any sense what's going on.
Hi - we are afraid to be who we truly are because we get caught in the ego that fears it will be annihilated if we merge with our Godself consciously. That is a false belief. It would be like being afraid to wake up from a dream you had last night and be who you really are. It's only that we think we don't know the God place, that it's something different from who we are, when we actually are it all the time anyway. We just aren't awakened yet, like being in a dream and forgetting who's doing the dreaming. But, there is a timing to when we have contracted with ourselves to "awaken". So, you can trust that you have set up the perfect timing to awaken as you chose to do before you incarnated. What you can do, if you are choosing now to wake up and remember who you really are, is to state an intention to that fact: "I am now willing, ready, and able, and I now allow myself and intend remembering my True Godself." Something like that. For some reason we think that awakening to the power of our Godself is not a good thing, as the ego only knows power as something OVER others, or something that victimizes, rather than True power, which is the ability to Love completely. Have you ever known someone so beautiful that you constantly feel their love streaming out in a very clear and pure, unconditional, joyful way, and you love to just be around them? That is true power. It is not power over. You can also do some core belief work via the Laws of the Universe and/or state an intention to get in touch with the true power of your spirit, and release any false beliefs you have had about what power is. I think this has to do also with what you mentioned previously about not quite feeling comfortable when you feel lighter.
I don't know about the presence you sense, but I don't think a higher guide or entity of Light would shake you out of a meditation. I suggest that you call on the Archangel Michael to come and remove any entities from your space that are not for your Highest Good and of the Highest Christ vibration. To do this, light some white candles, and then call on Michael and his legion of angels to do this for you. That ought to do it. See a white light surrounding you and your environment also as this process is going on. If you find that this is still a difficulty, let me know, and I'll connect you with someone who is skilled in this area, if you desire.
You had asked how to use the Aura-Soma product. You put some in your hand and then put it on your body (if you get the spray version, then you spray it on and around you) wherever you sense that you need it or have a block. As it also works with aromatherapy and color as healing vibrations, along with the healing vibration imbued in it for specific issues, it's good to enjoy the smell and color of it as well.