"I believe my illness is meant as a wake up call - but to what?"

Hi Ayal:

Well, wasn't I pleasantly surprised to have been guided to your site! What a blessing. I have barely been able to pull myself away from the awesome and empowering messages since finding you and only left because I had some important things to finish. I know that the right teacher comes when we are ready and since I felt such a resonance with your material, I feel strongly that you are the right person for me to share this with.

I initially went in search for some answers in regard to a financial situation (which I know is not financial - it just shows up that way). I have been praying for some much needed guidance and was literally led to your site. I'm delighted to find such a higher consciousness approach and eager to hear your thoughts.

Let me begin by saying that I'm working on two separate issues which are probably connected. First, I've been wrestling with a strange health situation for the past few months and can't seem to get it totally out of my system. It began in January when I went to see my ill father who lives with my sister. I won't go into all the details but I was nervous to go on the trip. Upon my return I found myself suffering with some form of internal inflammation. Mostly it appears as cystitis but I have found that my lower internal organs are in distress. I had a great deal of pain at first which is now gone but it is still uncomfortable. I've been to the acupuncturist for a couple of sessions, had a holographic repatterning session and have taken every herb that was recommended. Although I feel much better than when this first started, it still returns so I know it isn't over yet. When I tell you that I feel like I've tried everything, I mean it.

Generally I am physically a very healthy vital person but these past few months my teeth and my internal organs are sad. I am a firm believer that the physical is trying to tell me something but I haven't found the entire answer just yet. I have always had some struggles around finances and I think that both the finances and the physical are trying very hard to get my attention. When my work slows down, which it does periodically, I forget that I am a powerful, prosperous individual.

I've been working on myself for many moons and consider myself a fairly enlightened woman but I believe the illness is meant as a wake up call. Something is very unhealed in me. In the past it showed up in my finances and now it's showing up through my body as well. I am definitely considering having a session with you as I believe it will surely support me in healing on many levels. Thank you so much for letting me share all this. Any thoughts would be so appreciated.

Thanks for the appreciation of the site. Always great to get feedback and support. Well, the main issue that you seem to be dealing with is an anxiety about being able to provide for life's necessities. You actually, it appears, came into this life with that one already "inflamed". It's a pre-womb issue. Perhaps seeing your father so ill triggered this fear somewhat, as you saw him helpless and unable to take care of himself.

This issue is, of course, directly then tied into finances - what the issue of money is really all about is one's own sense of being enough. Having enough money is the same thing, exactly, the mirror of feeling that you are enough. Abundance is a State of Mind, not how much material items one has. Rather, it is a state of mind that supports you. It is the ability to do what you want to do when you want to do it. Therefore, it is completely an issue of your own power and belief in your ability to create.

What is your ultimate belief about Power? Most people associate power with abuse, with "evil" in some way. If that is so, and God also equals Power, what happens is that we then equate God, which is our source of Power, with being evil too, and then we can't allow ourselves to access our own Power. It looks like this:

If you think power = evil (money is the root of all evil as a belief) and yet money = abundance, and God also = abundance, there is an innate conflict which does not allow one to access their God Self or inner Power. Play around with your beliefs about power, and you may find that you need to do some work with changing some core beliefs. (See the 'Laws of the Universe' - link at the bottom of this page). Check into, also, your beliefs about yourself being enough. Very important.

When one is in debt, in some form of poverty consciousness, or financial duress, what is really happening is that one is withholding one's Power from oneself. There is usually either (1) a belief that you don't deserve it going on or (2) a belief that you'll abuse it. Neither one of these is True - they are erroneous beliefs that keep you from your Power. Abundance is an issue of self worth. To have abundance, one must BE the thing called Abundance. One must be abundant in self worth. An intention toward that would be "I AM Abundance", as well as a willingness to release any beliefs/patterns/old energy that have kept you from being that.

What kept showing up for you was reliance on others for self esteem - seeking your support outside of yourself, in other words. If there is an issue that tells you that you can't do it, that you don't have what it takes to create, that you're not enough, then, of course, you would look to others, perhaps unconsciously, for that support.

What also showed up for you that ties into this was extreme sensitivity. Someone who is extremely sensitive tends to a high degree to pick up on the feelings and beliefs of those around them, usually without knowing it. What can happen then is that you incorporate beliefs of others that are toxic for you, that aren't your truth, and this energy can get stuck in the body. This extreme sensitivity leads you to unconsciously merge with others, out of some belief that has you think, on some level, that they know something or have power you don't. This then, has you go out of your body and connect with others so much that you end up not knowing yourself and your own abilities, not believing in yourself, or able to make choices that are true for you. That can be teeth problems, as I heard that teeth deal with decision making.

People who are extremely sensitive often suffer from an undeveloped emotional body (power/independence) because they merge so much with others. It would be good for you to read up on the 2nd chakra infomation offered by Caroline Myss in her book Anatomy of the Spirit. It would be very important to clear your body of any energy that is not yours (use the white light and a strong intention to accomplish this) and also very important for you to cut cords with anyone or anything to whom you think you may have merged with in your life. Calling in the Archangel Michael is good to help with this. That's one of the things his sword is for. Then connect with your own inner power, light source, inside yourself, instead.

There is a fear of being in the present moment - knowing that you are safe in the present moment, and this too can lead to you leaving your own space to connect with someone or something else. One only has Power in the present moment, as nothing else exists. It's all happening in the present. So, if you find yourself in fear, in the past, daydreaming, in the future, or reaching out to another's energy, bring yourself back to the present moment, to your own body, trust that you are safe, and feel and reconnect with your own power.

The gold Aura-Soma essence pomander - which releases us from irrational fears and reconnects us with our innate wisdom - would be very good for you to use. (You order from srutisrainbow@yahoo.com).

Also, my guidance said that it would be good for you to go to a women's healing gathering. That is a great place to get in touch with your power, as often it is our Feminine side that is so empathetic that it has us merge with others and lose our own power. Your feminine energy has done this, as it is very empathetic. You can work on re-patterning that into true power at a gathering held for women for that purpose. There will actually be one held here at Silver Water, led by Brooke Medicine Eagle, at the end of September. If you are interested, write me for more information. You can also check out her web site at www.medicineeagle.com or, there may be some gatherings held in your area.

I'd also get checked out for a possible bacteria that may be causing the inflammation in your body.

Many blessings, Ayal