The Heart of Sex

    The Heart of Sex offers us true revolutions in the most intimate areas of our lives. This work plants new and intelligent images that will guide us to the sweetest heights of love if we apply them in our personal lives. In this volume we explore the most sensitive issues of love, sex and intimacy with the overall goal of linking up our heart centers to our sexuality. There are purposes unseen and unknown to sex but from the beginning it motivates us to reach out to others, provoking us to communicate and begin a dance that we hope will lead to deeper connection with others. As we enter further into it we begin to mix our destiny with our lover, exchanging energies on deeper and deeper levels. Whether we bring a new life to this world with it or not it has been given to us by the cosmic intelligence for the high reason and purpose of creating more love in our lives.

    Universally we all appear to crave sex, are fascinated by it and simultaneously fear it. We use it in advertising to sell everything yet often prohibit our children from learning about it, our teachers from teaching it, and ourselves from discussing it publicly in any meaningful way. Magazines on each street corner promise new ways to attract and keep your lover, to have bigger and better orgasms, to cook, clean, and dress for sexual success. And others lead us into the den of pornography, which adulterates and dements both our imaginations and good senses.

    From ancient times we have Taoism and Tantra, which are spiritual paths for attaining union with God using our sex. Both of these traditions accept the body, senses, sexuality, and emotions to help us evolve spiritually. They do not force us to make a choice between being spiritual or sexual and encourages us to fully enjoy the world we live in as a way to discover our higher nature. Yet pulling hard from the side of religion and society is a force that acts as a great break to the natural beauty of sexuality; that side that adds guilt and shame and makes sex into something dirty and unholy. Having never evolved to the realization of sex as a beautiful ‘private’ act they blanketed it as something shameful. From this side comes celibacy. Celibacy has been given a very bad name because, married to images of sex as dirty, it flies in the face of all our instincts as human beings. So sexuality has been polarized between two warring camps and this war has been going on for thousands of years, a war between those who possessed the secret of the erotic/divine connection and those who would repress it. From the burning of women in the middle ages to the 13th century Moslem invasion of Tantric temples that resulted in wholesale slaughter of women and children and the destruction of manuscripts, to the burning of the books of Wilhelm Reich in 1957 in New York, our left-brained patriarchal paranoia has until recently succeeded in suppressing sexual knowledge and destroying its innocence. This attack on sexuality and the war between opposing forces about something that bubbles up irresistibly in almost every human being has led to our psyches being badly fragmented.

    Tantric and celibate factions, seeming diametric opposites, are not mortal enemies in The Heart of Sex that incorporates them both into a pathway that enhance our hearts and add beauty to our sexualities. As such this is not another Tantra book applying ancient teaching to our modern times. There is something about sexuality, the senses, and the human mind, along with the tendency toward abuse and the wholesale hurting of human beings vulnerable natures that justifies disciplining aspects of our sexuality that are out of control. Though it does seem that, for all intent and purposes, that many of the religious leaders of the past were completely out of their minds with fanaticism, there was some recognition of mans seemingly natural tendency to bring ugliness to what is most beautiful. Religions mirrored this in their teachings without awareness that they would actually multiply that ugliness and reflect it back into society in truly gigantic proportions. So we have a pretty big mess to deal with and healing is called for across the board. Part of the problem is that society and even modern psychology are still not aware of how deep and broad this healing needs to be. This book will take many steps and offer healing to our collective sexuality. It is not just the rape or child abuse victims, which are in need of this. And it is not just child abusers, rapists, prostitutes and child pornographers that need help, but our priests, churches, husbands, wives, children, psychologists and teachers; almost everyone without exception can benefit from some evolutionary movement in their hearts and sexualities. As a first step The Heart of Sex embraces both sides of the sexual question by redefining celibacy as a pathway with the same objective as Tantra and Taoistic Sexual approaches. There is only one way to go, toward beauty.

    As a second step The Heart of Sex and The Marriage of Souls takes is to drive a silver spike into the very heart and essence lie that underlies the Christian world in this regard. We need to reach down into the deepest and most primordial place in our imagination and do a surgery. Confronting all religions and spiritualities that cannot see the absolute potential and necessity for sexual beauty, The Marriage of Souls returns Jesus and Mary Magdalene to us as an example of how the most divine beings can share their humanity within the context of the most beautiful love. They hail in a second coming of a pure and truly holy and divine love that lovers of all sexual inclinations can share. The Marriage of Souls promises us that we can all realize a pure love with others even if we are homo or bi-sexual for that pure love we will find transcends our sexual preference. Thus The Heart of Sex works toward purification not change or denial.

    The truth is that sexual energy is pure (in and of itself) and thus we can purify ourselves of anything not pure that we project into it. Yes we can let it pull us into slavery to our senses and imagination, project our emotional needs into it, use it as a source of power and domination, or let our ignorance, fear and old traumas dump unconsciously into it. But nothing can change the fact that we all have sex, the only choice in the future we have is what we can do with it. All people have sex in common, but each person has traversed traumas that are unique to their individual life. What varies so greatly from one individual to another is how we feel about sex. The energy itself though is universal, normal and a natural part of being human as well as being a natural aspect of our divinity. Thus in several chapters we meet and turn back the onslaught of darkness that the church perpetuated with its lies that struck such a powerful blow against the sexuality of humanity. We will penetrate to the darkest “roots” of religion and replace them with ones that glow in the light of a truth that was cruelly denied. The ‘greatest story’ ever told was probably one of the greatest love stories (between a man and a woman) ever denied. The Marriage of Souls continues this confrontation but takes it onto a purely spiritual level by confronting a racial tendency, found in many of the worlds religions and spiritual approaches, that elevates a central figure to divine status. The part that this book deals with is the fact that they do that through the deformation of sex.

    In general sexual energies are feelings so the path of the heart and sexuality do run on similar tracks. In both areas denial is the worst possible activity. So we should not reject our feelings or our sexuality. A few years ago the book Emotional Intelligence by Danielle Goleman hit the streets and began a new age of respect for our feeling nature which has been going extinct in our fast modern times. When we look at sex as a feeling, with many accompanying emotions, it is time to begin to apply both emotional and heart intelligence to our understanding of this feeling (sex) that often dominates our lives. Feelings are intelligent, they have a motive and a reason and finding both in our sexualities will lead us to a new kind of intelligence, into the light and warmth of sexual intelligence. This book is about sexual intelligence and its entire aim is to increase it. That there is a need for it is the understatement of the century. The fact that sexual morality stands up as ignorance in the face of sexual intelligence should alert those stuck in the sands of ancient time that it is time to move on and open their minds and hearts to new understandings about sexuality.

    The Marriage of Souls is for people who want to feel deeply the passions of life. It is for people who want to wake up to their full potentials as feeling beings. For couples The Heart of Sex offers answers about how to keep love fresh and new. It offers ways to increase our love, making it grow into ecstasy and oneness instead of divorce and separation. And it reveals how our purified and disciplined sexuality can become a fountain of youth promoting good health through our waning years. It should come as no surprise by now that our sexual function is closely related to physical and mental health. What is not so commonly known is the fact that our sexualities and spiritualities are also closely related.

    Sex is part of our basic nature because we were created in sex from the union of male and female cells. It is a source of a great deal of pain and pleasure, of comfort and discomfort. It often determines our happiness and unhappiness, our ecstasies and our agonies. In the Heart of Sex we recognize and embrace the fact that whenever sex is fulfilling, the chances of love and a joyful life together become greater. There is no denying that sex is one of the most pleasurable activities available to human beings and that it is important and central to life itself. It provides a universally recognized enjoyment in all societies but for some very deep reasons there lies darkness across the world of sexuality. And thus no matter what our religions and spiritual teachings do or suggest, there continues to be a darkness that hangs in many hearts about it. In its pure form sexual rapport creates possibilities for intimacy and honesty and a bonding, loving union between beings. Though it does seem like a distant dream for most people today, love and joy can become a tangible reality. Sex can become a vehicle for us in contacting our core being. Like meditation we can go deeply into our inner self and become one with that self. But unlike meditation, which we normally do alone, sexuality offers the incredibly blissful feeling of becoming one with another as we merge with our own most beautiful and natural self.

    The three major pathways back to the natural state of oneness with our own being, with God, and with other beings are mediation, communication and sex; each offer powerful techniques to higher awareness and more interesting and effective lives. The Marriage of Souls combines the three into a common unified path but devotion to sexuality in its most beautiful sense can replace much of the more ancient paths of meditation. HeartHealth, volume two of the series, offers techniques and exercises that are basically meditations on the vulnerabilities and feelings of the heart. Practices that we do alone but help us become the kind of person we would like to meet in another. If we want to receive beautiful and pure love we need to be prepared to give it by becoming it. There should be no doubt that there is a deep need for both the opening and healing of the collective heart nature of humanity and we can do our part by opening and healing our own.

    In the following pages you will read about the price people pay for divorcing themselves from the principles of sex and intimacy and most religions have driven the masses down this dark path. One of the things new about The Marriage of Souls is Communication and Listening Psychology that are presented in World Psychology, which takes The Marriage of Souls into the greater realities beyond our smaller intimate lives. In The Marriage of Souls communication and listening are seen as essential answers for nothing shows off the quality of our love better than our listening and our willingness to risk sharing with others how we really think and feel. To communicate everything and listen to the depth of each other’s being is the basic commitment of real love and is the principle work of The Marriage of Souls. What is crucially important to understand here is that communication problems directly affect our sexualities and they do this on levels we can hardly imagine. Problems with communication lead to general misunderstandings, misinformation, conflict and suffering in life. Feelings of separation and conflict do not induce intimate feelings. It is sad but true that it has always been in the interest of the powers that be to control communication and thus information and this is as true today as it was for religious leaders thousands of years ago. Society and religion have modeled non-communication and non-listening, and thus misunderstandings, as ways of life.

    When it comes to our sexuality the holding back of information is telling. People who have studied human sexuality deeply have seen the anguish, unhappiness and disappointment many people have experienced over sexual mistakes. Even today many people are full of misinformation, misconceptions, myths, fears and inhibitions about sex. It is not uncommon to hear people say, “If only I had been given more information about these things when I was young, or if I had had more open attitudes about sex, I wouldn’t have made such a mess of my life.” This is where the key lies, in communication and thus information and the open and free sharing of experience. Traditionally there has been almost no communication between parents and children about sexual matters. It seems like there is a connection between our lack of communication about sexuality and the sexual abuse of children that happens in the home and at church. Is it possible that these two issues are directly related? People are able to express their attitudes and give information to children of almost any age in almost all other areas of life other than sexual areas. Why? Are we so unconsciously impregnated with shame that it inhibits us from openly communicating with children about it? Is this what religion and societies have done to us? Is child sexual abuse related to religious generated shame?

    We can begin to answer these questions when we look at the fact that spirituality and religion have no concepts of the basic central importance of communication and listening in life. Even modern psychology does not place them in their appropriate central place even though no psychology can exist, let alone be practiced, without communication and listening. The very roots of this are seen in the original story of the man and woman who were supposed to have walked first in heaven and then on earth. Adam and Eve had communication problems with God and they paid a high price for it. They lacked the courage to directly confront or challenge God on his rules about that apple tree. That was strange since they were supposedly one with him while still in the garden. Our separations from God, from others, and from our own being nature begin immediately when communication and listening break down. In The Heart of Sex we see sex as another form of communication, another form of sharing that brings us back to oneness and pure love yet we will see how our sexualities can become terrible instruments of separation and why.

    Many beings have descended down into darkness where sex, love and intimacy can become nightmares ruled by insecurity and lack of trust. Sex in particular has become a major source of anxiety and stress for many of us and this is not all our fault. It is lust and violence based for too many and instead of generating more love and intimacy it creates pain, suffering and eventual separation from others. Pornography separates all aspects of love from sex and works powerfully to separate us from the beauty of sexual love. And we have been conditioned negatively about sex by our parents, religions, and society and by advertising companies whose only interest is to make money for their clients. The Heart of Sex works against this conditioning by offering a beautiful vision of spirituality and love through sex. And The Marriage of Souls, as a total framework, works deeply to get to the root causes of our separations that weaken both our love lights and our sexualities. It leads us to open up our vulnerable hearts (which opens sexual doors) and to increase communication and information sharing about all the issues involved with our sexualities.

    The Heart of Sex specifically will show us how to use our love-based sexuality as a potent engine to carry us up into our spiritual centers, meaning up into the highest and most pure aspect of our beings. Using our sexuality as a pathway to reach for heaven is pragmatic for sexuality is ever present in our inner spaces and can be purified and directed in whatever way we choose. It is worth our while to invest more time and energy (even if that time and energy is just communicating about it) directly into our sexuality thus making it and our lives more dynamic, relaxing and fulfilling for when there is dissatisfaction in sex the seeds of discontent are sown, resentments, frustrations and fears easily arise, and slowly the love and rapport between partners can breakdown, ultimately leading to separation. The Heart of Sex will lead us back to the experience of sex as the orgasmic, innocent spiritual force it was meant to be. And it will root out the deep shame that prevents us from talking about it openly with our children. The goal is nothing short of transporting us back into a world of true passion, creativity, power and love.

    Sometimes some people have to work back into the beauty and joy of their sexualities through other ways of reaching pure love. Namely, people who have some difficulties with their sexualities have to work hard with their loved ones in the communication and listening areas, or in therapy with another, to begin to touch upon the areas that need to be healed. Sometimes the hurt and distress found in our sexualities demands such levels of love to heal that we cannot approach that healing through our sexuality directly. Sometimes we have to take the long road around the obstacles and then come back to them with a more purified consciousness.

    HeartHealth is the intimate sister or companion volume to The Heart of Sex because it offers non-sexual inner journeys that open us also to our deepest vulnerabilities. HeartHealth offers a deep penetration of our heart and feeling nature in the most pure way possible independent of our sexuality. This is important because all beautiful relationships are in essence heart to heart, vulnerability-to-vulnerability, being to being. And it is also important to be able to differentiate between our sexuality and pure being because our vulnerable hearts are intimate in the most beautiful sense of the word whereas our sexualities can hurt others when stripped of love and empathy.

    This book is about gaining the heights of sexual intelligence and the utilization of sex as an ongoing creation of love between beings. When we combine the full heights of heart and sex intelligence together we will enter a new world that will amaze and revitalize us and keep us young way into our twilight years. The Heart of Sex offers us the opportunity to return to our deepest nature as men and woman. It channels our energies toward creating more life, love, health, energy and longevity in our lives.

    This joy can be characterized as a space of extreme peace, tranquility, and serenity. In it we can experience a blissful tension-free state, a loss of ego boundaries and an absolute sense of oneness with nature, the cosmic order, and with the soul nature of the being we love the most in this world. Our sexuality is potentially the best anti-stress medicine we have and when we embrace its full power and potentiality for healing we discover one of the greatest gifts God has given to us, an eternal fountain of youth and passion giver. With it we can bring a new life to earth and with it we can ever bring new life and love to our soul.

    Today few people feel inclined to meditation, for some reason its discipline is beyond most people’s capacity to fathom. Most people’s minds are too accelerated to even comprehend or hope to silence it through ancient meditative disciplines. And the amount of people who do practice meditation successfully, meaning who do succeed in making actual progress toward ego dissolution and soul evolution is small. One of the main reasons, which is addressed in HeartHealth, is that most meditative paths leave out the heart or try to bypass it totally. The mind gets even weirder the further it flies beyond the foundations of its own being. When Tantra, Taoism and The Heart of Sex speak about spirituality and sex in the same breath it is with the vision that our meditation time and lovemaking time can be the same time. This is not to say that this needs to be all the time but beautiful lovemaking can take us into the deepest meditative spaces if that is our intent. The attractiveness of this idea is connected with the attractiveness of sex. Under the right conditions it is something we want to do as often as possible and thus we can mix one of the deepest pleasures in life with the growth and evolution of our souls, kind of like killing two birds with one stone. When we make our pleasure more pure, pleasure becomes more pleasurable. And when pleasure becomes exquisite we begin to touch on the deepest reaches of our beings and this is something that happens only when we find ourselves well past the limits of our minds.

    The Marriage of Souls offers visions of pure love and divine friendship between beings that is independent of the sexual impulse. Yet the vast majority of us do want another person to explore the depths of sexual intimacies with. In that exploration there are no limits to what we can achieve. No limit to the pleasure if we purify and sanctify that which is in need of it. No limit to the love and the source of that love. The Heart of Sex will open up some big doors but there are many doors to walk through; for we all know by now that life is not easy and growth, change and evolution come hard. Lets not delude ourselves in the beginning. We are human and somehow, in some moment of craziness, we decided to come here and be what we are. We could say that in that moment we decided to be born into a world of separation to learn about it and its pain, only to learn to appreciate what was lost. We do need to find our way back home, back to the oneness. But we do not need to wait for death, which is another door, to go back home to The Oneness of Being. We are here to learn that now. We are here to lean a lot about many things but mostly about ourselves, others, love and God. When we mix them all up into one ball we begin to approach The Oneness of Being and the true fields and home from which we all come from.