Beneath giant trees grow shrubs. Beneath the shrubs grow leafy stalks. At the end of the stalks grow flowers. They hang like little lavender lanterns. Bees come here to play, each flower vibrating briefly when a bee lands. The tallest bells bob in the breeze as a puff of wind worms its way in from the west. The lanterns vary in shade from almost pure white to strong lavender. Sheltered from the wind, these delicate flowers sprinkle colour on dark green woodland. They quiver silently in the gentle breeze.
Your Calling Can Make You Quiver
Leading a guided life is challenging. At times we may quiver at the decisions we are being invited to make. We often wonder how to make difficult decisions saying, "How do I know if the feelings, images and thoughts I am having are from my conscience?" We are confused between inner promptings coming from our conscience and feelings of guilt and fear based on our conditioning.
Some time ago I faced a difficult decision and was guided by my conscience. I had been receiving government disability benefit as I was living with schizophrenia, a handicap that prevented me working in a regular job. My disability was improving dramatically as I had been following my calling for years and was experiencing profound healing as a result. The government sent out a social worker to interview me and assess my current level of disability.
After interviewing me the social worker sent in her report. The authorities must have decided that I was now in much better health because they decided to take away two of the disability benefits that I was receiving. I now had only a very small amount on which to live, but was still unable to work in a regular job. I had only a small sum in the bank and became nervous about my financial situation. Then a family member put me in contact with a retired social worker who said she could help me have my benefits reinstated. I agreed to co-operate. We applied for and received the forms to re-apply for the two benefits. She helped me to fill in these forms in an exaggerated way.
When these forms were finished they were not an accurate representation of the truth. I was unhappy about the level of honesty in these forms and was reluctant to post them. However I came under pressure from my family to do so and I relented. After posting the forms I very quickly felt a deep unease about what I had done. I could not settle. My sense of inner peace was disturbed. I felt this strong calling to cancel my application. This was my conscience at work.
I knew this was my conscience and not unmerited feelings of guilt, because I was also being guided by my insight. Through my insight I saw that extra benefits were offered to citizens who found domestic responsibilities troublesome and to people who had difficulty moving around outside the home. Although I had needed these benefits at one time, I was now well able to take care of myself and could move around freely. I saw, that because my health was improving, I no longer needed or deserved these extra benefits, and although I had less to live on, I would somehow be able to manage. I knew I had to trust my calling and that my financial future would be taken care of. Two days after posting the forms I wrote to the government department concerned and cancelled. As soon as I had posted the cancellation letter peace returned. This was another sign that my inner guidance was working through my conscience.
A few months later my mother had an interview with her financial advisors and decided as a result of their advice to give a sum of money to my four siblings and myself. I had trusted my calling and my financial needs for the coming year were met in an unexpected way.
With the help of our insight we can learn to discriminate feelings, images and thoughts coming from our conscience. Our insight will reveal which action is in the best interests of all concerned. In this case it was misguided to try and claim benefits that I could not secure without exaggerating the level of my disability. I could see that by doing this I was seeking to claim money from government funds that were not intended for me, and in doing so unjustly adding to the taxpayers' bill. I also became aware that I was ready for the challenge of greater self-reliance. My insight was revealing the best course of action for all concerned.
If we have never sought to develop our insight then we may need to learn new skills of understanding to aid our discrimination. With a little practice, we can become certain when we are receiving feelings, images and thoughts from our conscience. When this happens our conscience becomes clear and can be trusted, even if we do quiver at some of the decisions we are being called to take!
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