Trans4mind Home Page

Transforming the Mind ~ by Peter Shepherd


next

Explorations

Reframing


The opposite of being reactive is being response-able, i.e. responsible. When you are being responsible, you're thinking as well as feeling: you're experiencing your feelings but also conscious of your Self and therefore not driven by emotion to act impulsively. As you become free from reactive (stimulus-response) behavior then to that degree you know that you are also free to be spontaneous, because you know that will incorporate responsibility.

Responsibility also allows you to maintain your self-worth, despite anything your parents, or anybody else for that matter, might say about you. The thoughts and feelings of others no longer drag you into a pit of self-doubt. You will see all sorts of new options and choices in your dealings with other people because your perspective and your sense of reason are not being buried by emotions. Taking responsibility for your mind, puts back into your hands a good deal of control over your life.

By understanding how easily reactive responses can take over one's behavior you will find yourself not taking personal offense when others behave badly; you can see that they are just dramatizing the problems and conflicts in their own heads. Enlightenment always leads to understanding, empathy and improved communication, in short, love.

Reframing is to make statements of responsibility that empower your choice in a situation, rather than being at effect or a victim.

When parents and others continue to attempt to manipulate and dominate, you can then stay calm and refuse to be stampeded: then you retain the power. For example by responding non-defensively, this breaks the cycle of attack-retreat-defense-escalation. The moment you argue, apologise, explain, or try to get them to change their minds, you give them the power to withhold the understanding that you are asking them for. One can say, 'That's an interesting point of view', or 'I shall consider that as one option'. It is also necessary to assert one's position in a matter-of-fact manner, without worrying about upsetting them, but without any hostility or embarrassment: 'I'm happy to let you stay for a specified, limited time'.

One's response to this approach may be to say 'I just don't think I can stand up to my parents'. Instead of saying 'I can't', reframe your statement in the form: 'I haven't yet stood up to my parents'. 'Haven't yet' implies choice, whereas 'don't' and 'can't' imply the opposite: finality. Similarly, 'I mustn't' or 'I shouldn't' can be reframed as : 'I could choose not to'. 'I should' or 'I must' can be reframed: 'I could choose to'. There is a big difference between choosing to capitulate to your parents because you've considered the alternatives and decided that you're not prepared to make a change at this moment, and automatically capitulating because you feel helpless. Making a choice means taking a step towards control; knee-jerk reacting means backsliding into being controlled.

These same principles of course apply to all relationships, not just child-parent ones.


Move on to It's Their Responsibility

Return to Transforming the Mind - Contents

personal development
MOST SHARED ON TRANS4MIND.COM THIS WEEK...

Most popular hypnosis downloads...

  • Quit Smoking Pack ~ Watch this video to learn why the right sort of hypnosis can help you quit smoking in a whole different way.
  • Mindfulness Meditation Pack ~ Get the very most from every moment of every day and develop a deep well of inner calm.
  • Let Go of the Past ~ This program will set you free to make the most of your life.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Get Over a Relationship ~ Heal your broken heart and move on with your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Generalized Anxiety Treatment ~ Use hypnosis as a generalized anxiety disorder treatment and you can feel calm today.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

Click here to go to Centerpointe
Holosync is the most powerful meditation, personal growth and mind development tool available. Meditating with the aid of Holosync is effortless and deeply relaxing - plus it enables you to make quantum leaps in awareness and emotional health...
Check out the Holosync Solution

Inspiring Quotes of the Week

When you subscribe to our free service, each Tuesday you'll receive several transformational quotes on a new topic - with commentary by Peter Shepherd - to inspire you throughout the week...
Plus an excellent article on the topic and news of the latest additions to Trans4mind ...with special offers on our products!
Subscribe now... it's free!

Your address will remain 100% confidential
and it's just one click to unsubscribe.
SPECIAL BONUS FOR SUBSCRIBERS!
Transformational eBook Library... a collection of 40 PDFs for you to download that will really help to turn your life around!
eLibrary
World of Inspiration eLibrary
Get exclusive access to the eLibrary... an entire world of personal development resources - and its all waiting for you to explore!
This is an astonishing resource with thousands of quality personal development and spiritual ebooks, courses, websites and full-length ebooks - many made especially available for this library. Gigabytes of great info... everyone who joins is amazed at the breadth and depth of content. If you're a curious person, open minded and want to learn - then this is for you!
"WOW! This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days."~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
Our free meditation program to awaken heart-consciousness...
Love is All You Need
Trans4mind
Our videos on YouTube...Follow Trans4mind on TwitterCheckout Trans4mind at Facebook
MANY RESOURCES arrow   OUR PRODUCTS arrow
Copyright © 1997-2014 Trans4mind Ltd