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Build your self confidence!
Self confidence is the central issue of personal development. Tools for Transformation recommends the best ways to enhance the quality of your life, and so it was important to us that we find the most effective means for you to tackle this issue of self confidence. We believe we struck gold with the resources offered by Uncommon Knowledge.
“Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.”–Stan Smith
Everybody could do with a confidence boost sometimes, so to start with, here are a few basic tips...
1) How to Feel Good When You Need to
Because self confidence and feeling good has a major 'hormonal' element,
you can change the way you feel by re-living good times. If you can
remember a time you felt really self confident, then excellent - use
that! If not, then use a time you felt contented or happy. You could use a photo taken at such a time to remind you. This is just a start but an important one; taking deliberate
control of your thoughts and emotions will have a huge impact on your
self confidence and other areas of your life.
2) Beating Self Consciousness
Too much self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. The trick is
keeping your attention off yourself when you need to. Here's how...
a) When you feel self-conscious, (you can usually tell because
you start to feel anxious), choose something outside of yourself to
focus on and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at
the different textures and shades of color, wonder about who made it
and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to
keep your attention off yourself.
It is a good idea to practice this technique in private first. Just
sit quietly, practicing focusing firstly on your own thoughts and then
deliberately focusing outwards onto a picture or piece of furniture.
b) Social self confidence can be difficult to find sometimes
because it is unclear what you are 'supposed to do'. In this event,
concentrate on what your purpose in the situation is: whether you're
there to...
- find out if you like the other people present
- make others feel comfortable
- find out some information
- make business contacts
- and so on...
It's much more difficult to feel self-conscious if your mind is occupied
with a task.
People are often most comfortable with others when working towards a
common goal. The common goal of socialising could be making friends,
the exchange of mutually beneficial information, expanding your knowledge
of different types of people... it could be whatever you want it to
be! The key is to have an aim.
3) Watch Out for Undue Criticism - Especially Your Own!
Have you noticed that people will speak to themselves in a way they
would never speak to others? You know the sort of thing - you break
a glass and it's "You stupid idiot. You can't do anything right
can you?"
Criticism that leaves the receiver feeling upset or depressed is rarely
useful.
Challenging your own assumptions about yourself and other people can
really help build self confidence. Here's a few to get you started:
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Those confident-looking people have bad moments too - you just don't
get to hear about them!
If you feel under-confident, it doesn't mean other people can tell.
They're often too caught up with their 'own stuff' to notice!
If you catch yourself saying things to yourself like "I'm no
good at anything" then rest assured, you're wrong about that.
Everyone can compose a sentence, get successfully to the store, eat
without choking and do a million other things. Negative thinking can make things
seem hopeless when they rarely are.
Don't let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself - in the
long run it is this sort of thing that can really damage your self
image. If this happens, say to yourself calmly and gently, "Hold
on a minute, that's not true". If you can come up with some evidence
that disproves the sweeping statement, then even better. It may take
a bit of effort at first, but the impact on your level of self confidence is huge.
Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself,
it's about not thinking bad for no reason!
Just because you have felt bad about yourself in the past doesn't
mean you're always going to feel that way. I have seen hundreds of
people surprise themselves once they have learned exactly how to build
confidence in themselves in such a way that it stays built!
The important thing is to get away from thinking "Why did
that happen?" or "Why do I feel this way?"
and instead move towards "How would I like to feel?", "In
what situations do I feel confident?" or "What do
I need to learn in order to have better self confidence in this situation?"
This change in thinking is so important that we devote quite a bit
of time to it on the Self Confidence Trainer, our premium package for teaching the skills of self confidence.
Persevere and don't expect everything at once. Really learn how
to develop your self confidence by following the tips above
and in the Free Self Confidence Course which we are offering you, and notice the small differences
as they happen. Building high self confidence is a wonderful thing,
and it's much easier than you'd imagine.
Problems with poor self confidence or low self esteem can effectively ruin your life. Anyone who has ever suffered in this way knows how difficult it makes things. Your work suffers - interviews can become terrifying, promotion prospects fade as job performance suffers, you avoid networking, public speaking is horrible, and so on. Social life can become painful instead of fun - meeting new people becomes a struggle, even going out with friends can be hard. And even if you manage to bravely force yourself to keep doing these things, the sparkle goes out of life when everything is a struggle. But it doesn't have to be like this...
Self confidence and good self esteem can be learned! Luckily, developing self confidence and beating low self esteem are easy once you know how! It's no accident that some people seem to be highly confident. They simply know how to do it! Belief in yourself and your abilities is a skill, and it can be learned.
The Self Confidence Trainer CD pack is a carefully constructed course that uses advanced hypnotic and cognitive techniques to build a solid set of skills for you.
Developing self confidence and beating low self esteem are easy once you know how! Here's what some of the 10,000 people already enjoying increased confidence have to say about the course:
It's no accident that some people seem to be highly confident. They simply know how to do it! Belief in yourself and your abilities is a skill, and it can be learned.
We at Tools for Transformation have tried this course and it works! Both Nicole and I have picked up some valuable skills that truly make a difference. Whether you need help with low self-esteem, have an issue with shyness and lack of self-confidence in your life, or if you simply want a booster to get you through an interview, presentation or meeting... you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Click below to get started...
Boost Your Self Confidence Further!
Modern techniques of hypnosis are nothing like the stereotyped dangling watch, with commands like "when I click my fingers you will forget..." That old approach is neither helpful nor effective. However now the techniques are not at all manipulative and they are extremely effective. YOU are the one who is in control!
Modern methods are about helping you to change your mind set, through giving you powerful information in a relaxed and open state of mind, so that you can get past the self-erected barriers in your thinking, overcome your fears, and adopt effective new strategies to transform your life.
I used to be frighteningly lacking in confidence in social situations. And although people who know me now would never believe it, I used to doubt myself so much that I literally had to learn confidence until it became a natural part of me. I can tell you: relaxed optimistic confidence is just, well, so much more fun! Here I'll tell you about the things that made the most difference to my confidence levels...
Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident. Firstly, it's important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won't know when you've got it! So, self confidence means:
Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional 'leakage' into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.
Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be 'cool' in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.
Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That's how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I've long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I've turned out to be wrong.
Being specific - where do you want confidence? 'Confidence' is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don't need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.
Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you've tried to recall someone's name but can't, hours later you'll often find their name pops into your head.
The 'trying to recall' experience set the task or blueprint for your brain's future subconscious behavior which eventually produced the name for you - when you weren't thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.
Don't task your mind with negatives. Instead of: 'I don't want to screw up' (which sets the task of 'screwing up' for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn't work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.
Use nature's goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for you brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly 'program' the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed hypnotic state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.
3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:
Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember 'confidence' doesn't mean anything until you attach it to something specific.
Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as 'calm', 'relaxed' or 'focused'. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.
Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or 'task' for your unconscious mind.
You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. If you listen to a hypnotic cd or download that can make the benefits even more powerful. So if you feel like you'd be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.
It took me years to learn how to be more confident - now you can do it in a fraction of the time. Good luck!
7 Ways to Soothe your Shyness
Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.
When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.
The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical self.
My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn't think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.
How shyness is developed and maintained
Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.
Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:
Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.
Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.
Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as 'What do you like about this place?' rather than: 'Do you like this place?' Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as: 'What other places do you like in this city…?' Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn't 'take' then no matter, you've done your bit.
Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.
Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the depressed person feels like a 'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing! Or that people will 'hate' you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.
Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.
Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more! This is what I call a 'happy inability!'
I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.
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Luckily, developing self confidence and beating low self esteem are easy once you know how! It's no accident that some people seem to be highly confident. They simply know how to do it! Belief in yourself and your abilities is a skill, and it can be learned.
