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Cultivate Life!

SPECIAL EDITION

February 26th, 2008

CONTENTS
Quotes of the Week
What About Relationships?
Begin Here
The Inner Guidance Training
Inspiration for Your Soul
Discussion Point:
Heart to Heart Coaching
Just Be Nice!
Why Romance Stops and How to Keep it Alive
How True Love Can Last a Lifetime
Where to Find Your Beloved
Cultivate a Spiritual Relationship
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Special Edition: Romantic Relationships?

This week's Special Edition follows closely on the heels of Valentine's Day and focuses on having a successful romantic relationship. The vast majority of single people dream of finding and marrying their soul mate. This topic is often bandied about in the popular media and many people think they will someday marry this special person. However few realize that it takes a special level of awareness and self knowledge to recognize and marry your soul mate. This issue is devoted to assisting you in having that self-knowledge.

Today's Cultivate Life! contains a feature article by Henk Schram about the learning we can obtain from our relationships, followed by the launch of a new raft of services at trans4mind.com focused on 'Having a successful romantic relationship.' The Begin Here facility links you to a range of 9 different services on Trans4mind, including a brand new Inner Guidance Training program for people who are in romantic relationships, and a new meditative poem by Wallace, in the Inspiration for Your Soul series. Taken together these services empower you to be successful in recognizing and marrying your soul mate. There then follows the regular Heart to Heart Coaching slot which features a reader's question on having a successful romantic relationship. The second half of the magazine has several further articles with the focus on relationships.

Peter and Wallace are both experiencing the joy that being married to their soul mates brings - now they want to help each of the singletons among you find your own soul mate.


Quotes of the Week

"The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring." --Oscar Wilde
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." --Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Click here to email these quotes to a friend | More Inspirational Quotes



What About Relationships?

By Henk Schram

In our books we pose a perspective that the whole of reality that we experience stems from an all-including 'ocean of consciousness,' of which each and every one of us is a unique representation. Each one of us is a representation of the same 'overarching umbrella whole.' So are you. Your representation and experience is made unique by the sum of experiences you have gone through. Your life has been different than ours, and all your past lives (if you believe in that) have been different too.

The result is a unique 'composition' of unique experiences made manifest in the form of 'you', and you are now playing your part in the human game as a character made manifest 'physically' in our collective reality that we are creating together. From all the unique experiences taken together, the 'collective consciousness' from which all originates experiences itself from countless different subjective perspectives, evolves and grows into something more than it was before. We seem separated, but we're not.

It's just like when you step out of the water you can see separate droplets on your body. This leads you to think that the water of the ocean is made up of a whole lot of 'separate' droplets. However, when you go looking for them in the ocean you'll see that they're not separate. Instead, they're indivisibly part of the whole. They blend together. They're still there as individual droplets of water, with their own unique perspective. But they're blended in the whole ocean where they stem from.

And so are we... We are all droplets of consciousness stemming from the same source. We all have our unique perspectives and thus our unique experiences. But we're still part of the same 'whole'. Imagine all the experiences by the 'whole' from all the different perspectives!

Anyway, we hear the questions already: "Yeah, yeah. That all sounds very cheesy, vague and 'new age,' but what the deuce does that have to do with relationships?"

Well, everything actually! Because one of the most profound ways in which experiences and perspectives and thus 'opportunities for growth and evolution' are put right smack in our faces, is through the people we meet and the relationships that we engage in. This is how it works...

Life is a mirror. What happens to you on the 'outside' is a reflection of what is going on on the 'inside.' The storyline of your experience in the human game involves your direct experiences with all the events you're participating in and the other people who are involved.

Day by day, you'll see all kinds of other people passing by. To most of them you don't even talk. Also, you see events going on that you're not taking part in. Those are all different storylines playing out outside of your current range of experience. Sometimes storylines cross and other events and people become part of your direct experience. And usually, there is a reason for that.

You see, any person that comes into your life is a mirror reflection of an aspect of yourself. Such aspects can range from being related to the love that you express for yourself, to being related to feelings and beliefs of fear, guilt and resentment that you carry with you. So both persons that you like and persons you don't like are mirror reflections of what goes on inside. And without exception, they're showing you something that you need to be aware of at that point in your life, for whatever reason that may be.

The mirror merely acknowledges what's going on inside of you. The mirror doesn't lie. It doesn't show you what you want to see. It shows you what you need to face. The problem is that these acknowledgements of what's going on inside of you actually reinforce your belief systems (see our book on 'The Nature of Your Own Power' which is available for free from our website). That's what makes it so tricky.

In fact, because the things that you experience may seem to be so at odds with what you are actually trying to achieve, you may even think that all these principles of what has been come to be called 'attraction' or 'deliberate creation' and all that really don't work.

But consider this: How can you evolve if you don't face the consequences of what you are creating? How can you learn if you're not shown what you have done? How can you grow if you're not faced with the results of applying your own power (that you may not be aware of)? How can you be made aware of your own power, if what happens to you is just random and has nothing to do with what you are doing?

Life (or the 'universe', or 'the ocean of consciousness', or all the religious qualifications for it, whatever you want to call it), is doing everything to make you aware. It's putting the mirror right in front of your face. It's trying to shake you awake, while saying:

"Hello! You're all powerful, can't you see? Look in the mirror, for crying out loud! Look at you! You are creating this! If you don't like what you see, then why are you creating this?"

Probably because you are not aware that life is trying to make you aware of the fact that you are creating it. The key to 'freedom' in terms of making relationships 'work' is to recognize your interactions with people as such.

Read more about how this perspective can be applied to transform your relationships in the free PDF download "General Perspective on Relationships".

Nicholas P. Kidd and Henk J.M. Schram are the instigators of the alleged 'Great Revolution', which provides the members with truthful instructions regarding the universal principles of life.

The Revolution is receiving increasingly widespread attention for its straightforward explanations and instructions with regard to complex issues, which are made understandable for people from all walks of life. In essence, the true secrets of the 'Law of Attraction' and the other 'Universal Laws' are explained in much clearer and practical ways than the 'enigmas wrapped in riddles' that usually characterize the descriptions of the Law of Attraction and its application.

More information and how to become a member at: The Great Revolution

See the following related pages at Trans4mind:
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Begin Here: Having a successful romantic relationship

Announcing the launch of a sophisticated new service at trans4mind.com

Do you want to learn how to have successful romantic relationships, one that leads to the recognition of a soul mate match? Wallace Huey, the magazine's Heart to Heart Coach, has devised an upgraded service on Trans4mind, designed to meet the particular needs of people who wish to have successful romantic relationships. This new service has many innovative features to assist the reader to recognize and marry their soul mate - these include:

  • Inner Guidance Training: a training program to help the person draw on the power of inner guidance to help them have a successful romantic relationship and to recognize and marry their soul mate.

  • Inspiration for Your Soul: a meditative poem to contemplate, on having a successful romantic relationship.

  • Quick Coach: articles to read specifically focused on the issue of having a successful romantic relationship.

  • Forum Discussion: an online discussion the person can join on having a successful romantic relationship.

  • Coach Yourself to Success: Wallace's advice on having a successful romantic relationship in the site's Heart to Heart Coaching Service.

  • Unfold Your Wings: a page linking the person to relevant pages of Wallace's book about having a successful romantic relationship.

  • Get Help :: Take Action: a page with links to valuable resources helpful to having a successful romantic relationship.

  • Plus you are invited to Send Your Question to Wallace for a public response through Cultivate Life! or to apply for Confidential Coaching.
There is also a 'Send to a Friend' button at the bottom of most service pages, so if you know a friend who wants to enhance their existing relationship or begin a new successful romance, please do let them know about this wonderful support facility. Wallace and Peter know the joy that is gained from living a life in union with a loved one and they are keen to help and support others in this situation through this new service.

To learn more about these services: Begin Here



Introduction to the Inner Guidance Training

By Wallace Huey

Be empowered to find love with the partner of your dreams,
by discerning and following your inner voice

This is a training program to discover the power of inner guidance. The program will empower you to find love and romance with the person who is right for you, and through following that inner sense of rightness, enter into engagement and then marriage with your soul mate.

The program is simple to do and takes place during your courtship. It is designed to be part of your courtship experience, rather than separate from it. It covers 7 stages, each stage designed to take you closer to marriage. The training can be done on your own or with your partner.

The lessons learned from the program will last a lifetime. Very possibly it will change the way you think about and experience relationships and the means used to attract and keep a partner for life. Expected benefits include:

  • Finding the right partner for life - your soul mate.
  • Developing your character.
  • Improving your communication skills.
  • Discovering the transformative power of love.
  • Becoming engaged then married, or, if your courtship fails, learning from your incorrect choice of partner.
  • Uncovering within yourself a deep all pervading excitement and joy.
The program is based on the acronym, ROMANCE, which stands for the following 7 lessons:
R = REFUSE all others
O = OPEN your heart
M = MAKE love safely
A = ANTICIPATE your partner's needs
N = NEVER Forget Your Own Needs
C = COMMUNICATE until souls mate (or break up)
E = ENGAGEMENT then marriage
What this acronym means is explained in the following 7 lessons. You can learn to apply these lessons in your relationship yourself (and see your partner transformed by them) or you can study these lessons with your partner and apply them together.

Your task, should you choose to accept it, is to carry out the ROMANCE program and apply it to your relationship, allowing yourself to be transformed by it - let these 7 lessons be your steps to a happily married life.

Wallace Huey and Peter Shepherd wish you every success as you embark on this program of personal transformation. To read the program and have access to it in a choice of two print-out formats, please visit:

Inner Guidance Training



Inspiration for Your Soul...

Having a Successful Romantic Relationship

My partner saunters with me through the city
A mirror framed in a suit,
Reflecting my every mood, thought, word and feeling.

When anger begets anger, grief results,
When jealousy begets jealousy, envy results,
When sorrow begets sorrow, sadness results,
When greed begets greed, avarice results,
As our hearts close,
And conflict, discord and ignorance are reflected in the mirror.

Seeing my own reactions reflected, I call out,
"Dear God, let me be inspired -
Let my thoughts be Your Thoughts,
Let my love be Your Love,
Let my heart be Your Heart."

Feeling my heart open to the light,
I turn to my partner, transformed into an Inspired Soul.

Then... anger begets tenderness,
Jealousy begets trust,
Sorrow begets understanding,
Greed begets assertiveness,
And balance, harmony and learning,
Are reflected in the mirror.

Prompted by this example,
My partner transmutes into an Inspired Soul.
All is discussed, all is resolved,
And a shared vision of our life emerges.

With this harmony, engagement becomes possible,
And, through maintaining this fine balance,
Marriage becomes inevitable,
As two Inspired Souls unite as Soul Mates.

Two remain two, but unite as One,
As for the rest of our lives,
We clean and polish the mirror.

By Wallace Huey

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Heart to Heart Coaching

Help with your personal problems from Wallace Huey

Do you ever wish you could have access to your own private coach free of charge, to get help with the challenging situations you face ... whenever you need inspiration, insight or advice? The Heart to Heart Coaching service empowers YOU to coach yourself on the issues that matter most. Each week a new life challenge, Wallace's advice, and the opportunity to discuss in depth at the Heart to Heart Forum...

TAKE PART IN THIS DISCUSSION

After a recent break-up my confidence is low - how can I tell if I am now in true love with my new boyfriend?

The questioner's philosophy: You make your life your own heaven or hell - everything is a choice.

The questioner's hopes and aspirations: What I want most in life is to fall in true love, have kids and live happily ever after.

Question: How do you know when you're in true love? I used to really trust my gut instincts and follow my heart wherever it led me. Then about a year ago my boyfriend and I of 20 months broke up. I know we were young but we had been together so long everyone assumed we would eventually marry. I thought I was in true love and he was the one. It was a bad breakup that came out of nowhere.

Now a year later I'm over him and starting a new relationship. The guy I'm with now I really care about. I have so much fun when I'm with him and we have so much in common. We're both huge dorks. We have fun curling up reading books together or playing chess and once we even designed our dream library. It's the kind of stuff I can do with him that I've never been able to do with anyone else. When he holds me in his arms, without thinking I turn to him to tell him that I love him and catch myself at the last minute. I really don't want to make the same mistakes I've made in the past!

But I just don't know how to tell if it's real. I used to be an emotional roller coaster in all my past relationships. I used to feel so unsteady. When I'm with my boyfriend, for the first time in my life I feel solid and steady. I'm so scared of repeating past mistakes that I'm afraid that's what is holding me back. But then again I'm afraid I'm trying to make it true love so that I can prove to myself that I'm not a coward and I'm not afraid to take a chance on love again. I hope you can help me.

Wallace's reply:
Having successful romantic relationships is the theme for this week's magazine. Here we have an important question for all of you who are in a romantic partnership - how can I tell if this is true love? Please contribute to this week's theme by posting your comments on the forum.

I feel encouraged by your question. Many people are uncomfortable with the secure and steady feeling you are getting from your relationship. They look for drama or excitement - the adrenalin rush - and think if it's not high octane it must not be true love. Nothing could be further from the truth. True love is fun, easy and low maintenance - it promotes feelings of steadiness, security and peace, but still retains what I would call a quiet excitement that comes from the kind of sharing that only your partnership can offer.

You have been shocked and hurt by the breakup of your last relationship and are naturally wary of being hurt again. I would encourage you to share these feelings with your partner. If he is a sensitive man he will understand your reticence and, through sharing these feelings and having them accepted by him, you will feel more trusting and confident in your partner. At that point you may find yourself telling him that you love him with confidence.

Learn to take the progress of your relationship one step at a time. It only creates undue stress and unrealistic levels of expectation to think at this early stage: "Is this it? Is this true love?" Learn to watch your own mind form these expectations and when you see them arise, say to yourself, "I am having an expectation" and let it go. Learn to love life's uncertainty and have fewer expectations of how things will work out and you will enjoy your relationship and your life more. Be content to let your relationship progress to expressions of mutual endearment and then be open to whatever happens next.

Further Help and Resources
You may find some of the articles in our Quick Coach service on Having successful romantic relationships of great help. If you would like to be inspired as to what true love is like and how it conquers every obstacle in its path, I also recommend you read Your healing from a broken relationship, from my book 'Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off.'

To the reader:
This young woman has been hurt and surprised by an earlier break up. This has affected her confidence in her ability to trust her inner guidance. This lack of trust is making it difficult for her to advance her current relationship. Do you have any words of support and encouragement? Can you enlighten her on what is and is not true love? If so please post your comments in the forum...

TAKE PART IN THIS DISCUSSION

See more Questions on this Topic | Print-friendly version + Send this Q&A to a friend


Send Your Own Question
Up to your eyes in one of life's challenges? If you can't find the help you need in the existing Heart to Heart Coaching and Forum, there are two methods of one-to-one coaching available from Wallace Huey, the Heart to Heart Coach:
  • Public Coaching: Submit your Question to be answered here in the Cultivate Life! ezine.

  • Private Coaching at the coach's own website: a confidential service for purchasers of Wallace's book, Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off.



Just Be Nice!

By Gary Ryan Blair

We are living links in a chain of wisdom, handed down through history. One axiom developed in that chain is the Golden Rule:

"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you"

When we show kindness to another a bridge is built, and by following the Golden Rule to its logical conclusion you will have formed relations with the many people for whom you harbor good feelings. If more of us consciously tried to build bridges, there's no telling where such kindness might take us.

It's important to connect one's life with the larger whole. Without integration there is no meaning, and life without meaning yields despair.

Connections between people grow very quickly. When you give, you have made an investment in another human being. As with any other investment, you will naturally wish to protect it. By following the Golden Rule we give each other a support system, a network, and the comfort of believing that, even when one falls, there is something or someone to fall back on.

Our sense of worth is tied to our self-esteem. To esteem something means to elevate it. So how do we elevate our own worth? How do we esteem ourselves? Think of the items you value either for their aesthetic or functional quality. A nonfunctioning grandfather clock is still valued because it is a beautiful piece of furniture. A nonfunctioning can opener is discarded because it is worthless.

Our value in life depends on our function. But just what is that function? The answer is quite simple. When one begins to purposefully perform acts of kindness, the spirit changes and soon doing good deeds becomes a focal point for our life; doing good begins to be the same as feeling good. The periods of emptiness when we search for the "meaning of it all" begin to fill with acts of kindness.

Most of us ask ourselves questions of purpose that go beyond the routines of our daily lives. The obvious answer is to be kind to one another, to help someone in need, to perform good deeds. Neither wealth, fame, prestige, nor anything external can give us more than a fleeting sense of satisfaction. The only true lasting happiness is within ourselves. Unfortunately, this is too often the last place any of us look.

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and hands and then work outward from there. If we improve ourselves by doing good for others, we enter each day in the best way possible.

Good deeds really do have the power to change us. We should never consider any act that changes us as futile. No good deed we have done can be taken from us. Good deeds have the magic to turn sadness to singing and despair to joy. Just one small selfless act benefits both the giver and the receiver. In this high-tech, fast changing world what is needed and what is lasting is high-touch people and relationships.

There are indeed many obstacles along the various paths in life, but some are those that we thoughtlessly put there ourselves. We may later stub our toes on the rocks that we threw out to improve our own well being.

Everything Counts!

Gary Ryan Blair is President of The GoalsGuy. He helps business owners, corporate executives and sales professionals manage their time, set their priorities, and stay focused so they can achieve their goals, grow their business, and be more successful. Gary can be reached for speaking, coaching and media requests at 877-462-5748 or by sending an email to Gary@GoalsGuy.com
See the following related pages at Trans4mind:
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Why Romance Stops and How to Keep it Alive

By Helene Rothschild

Are you frustrated with the lack of romance in your relationship? Have you been puzzled why it disappeared? Do you feel more like roommates?

You are not alone. As a Marriage & Family Therapist, I had many clients who experienced the same problem. Through the process I developed, HART (Holistic And Rapid Transformation), I was able to assist them to successfully rekindle their romantic love by helping them to understand the causes and solutions.

To begin with, love is not enough. It takes two people who have high self-esteem and good communication skills to maintain a long standing, healthy relationship. Unfortunately, we do not teach these vital things in school. In this article, I will deal with the communication patterns.

Some of the major causes of this problem are how people deal with their negative feelings of fear, hurt, anger, resentment, etc. There are four basic patterns couples have. Three out of the four are dysfunctional and likely to affect what happens in the bedroom. I always ask the couple to stand-up and face each other up so that they can experience their negative reactions and then change them to positive ones.

The first stance is two active aggressors. You know when they are angry because they are being critical and likely raising their voices. This is a noisy household with many heated arguments. I ask the couple to face each other, shake their pointed fingers, and pretend they are having an argument.

The second pattern is two passive aggressors. This household is quiet but there is a cold war in the mist. Both people turn their backs from each other. They deal with their negative feelings by shutting down. However they are often expressed covertly with sarcasm, being absent or late, forgetting important dates, etc. If they have the courage, one day, they ask for a divorce, or ease their pain with an affair.

The combination of the active and passive aggressor is the third dysfunctional pattern. To picture this, imagine one person shaking his angry finger while the other turns his back. These patterns feed each other. The more one expresses anger to their partner, the more they move away. The active aggressor then feels angrier and escalates the attacks.

As you can see, everyone loses in these three dysfunctional patterns. What then to do? The only functional way is the active aggressor puts his accusing finger down and the passive aggressor faces his partner. With constructive communication skills, they can resolve their issues and feel even closer. Once they come to win-win solutions and make agreements, they can maintain a romantic, loving relationship.

By the way, this model can be applied to all relationships including business partners, friends, children, siblings, and co-workers. Being caring and loving will bring people closer. Passive or active aggression will push people away.

For couples, I also recommend that they take care of their appearances to maintain their attraction. It is very helpful to schedule weekly date nights and monthly weekends away to keep their relationship intimate. This is also a gift to the children as they can do well with happy parents. The couples are also then modeling a healthy relationship.

In summary, romantic intimacy is often affected by what happens outside of the bedroom. If you are having romantic problems, look inside yourself to see what you can do different. Pointing your finger at your partner or ignoring them will only escalate the problem. With awareness and communication tools you can enjoy the loving, romantic relationship you desire and deserve.

Copyright © 2008 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, Marriage & Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author of the Amazon best selling book, "All You Need Is HART!" She offers transformational, international phone sessions, teleclasses, books, e-books, MP3 audios, tapes, and a free newsletter, MP3 audio and e-book from her site: Love Yourself to Peace.
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Relationship Advice: How True Love Can Last a Lifetime

By Brenda Novak

While doing a signing for my latest romance novel, a woman passed by, picked up my book, and immediately wrinkled her nose. "I don't read these kinds of books," she said.

"What do you read?" I asked. She slapped it down on the table as if it was so far beneath her she couldn't bare to touch it any longer. "Something with at least a hint of realism."

"I'm sorry for you," I said. And I meant it.  

Why? Because, good romance novels aren't fairy tales. They are snapshots of love at its finest.  I should know. I've written 28 of them, and read hundreds of others.  

The complaint shouldn't be that these romance novels are not realistic. Many of us just don't know how to make this kind of love last, but that doesn't mean we can't learn. It's basically a matter of behaving as we behaved when we were courting the love of our lives. And, then taking it a few steps further to establish deeper ties that make "true love" every bit a reality.  

How to Make Your True Love Last a Lifetime:

  1. Avoid negative thought patterns. Allowing yourself to mentally or verbally tear down your significant other is like gnawing at the bond that holds you together.

  2. Remember that your true love means more to you than anyone else--including your parents and your kids. Those who put their children before their spouse are often disappointed to find that they have no relationship left once the kids head out on their own.

  3. Be more flexible and forgiving with your spouse than anyone else. We expect our spouse to "understand" our stress or limitations (in other words, put up with our crap). Instead, reserve your patience and kindness for the person who means the most to you.

  4. Understand that relationships work on a spiral. The more thoughtful you are to your loved one, the more fulfilled and happy your spouse will be. In return, your spouse will give back to you.

  5. Don't get too practical. Some couples forego the flowers, the cards, the dinner dates and the chocolate boxes in favor of saving money. But what's worth more to you? A few bucks or a relationship that will likely affect your whole life and the lives of your children?  

  6. Do something nice for your spouse every day, even if it's just a chore they typically do. These thoughtful touches will act as reserves against the tough times.  

  7. Be physical. Touch your spouse a lot, even when there is no hope of it escalating into a sexual encounter. These little reminders that a spouse cares are nurturing to the soul and sends wonderful signals to your children. They feel secure and happy because you are secure and happy, and they are more loving because of the example you've set.

  8. Remain loyal and unselfish. Have the grit it takes to stick through thick and thin. And, start worrying more about whether you are being a good spouse than whether your spouse is being a good mate to you, and you'll be glad you did. As much as it may seem otherwise, life isn't all about you, how you're feeling and what you want.  

  9. Take care of you. You don't have to be model thin or in the blush of youth. But be the best you can be-mentally and physically.  

  10. Laugh. Don't take life too seriously. It's no fun to be around someone when everything means too much and weighs too heavy.  
Best known for her evocative Stillwater Trilogy, Brenda Novak is a national bestselling author of romantic suspense. She has three books coming out this summer: TRUST ME, STOP ME and WATCH ME, that will show you exactly why true love isn't a fairy tale. For more information on the Stillwater Trilogy and Brenda's upcoming books, go to BrendaNovak.com. And, don't forget to check out her new online auction with all monies donated to Diabetes research.

See the following related pages at Trans4mind:
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Where to Find Your Beloved

By Alan Cohen

February is one of my favorite months, since this month includes Valentine's Day, which I consider to be one of the holiest holidays. In a world that is aching, even starving for love, any opportunity we take to find more love has to bless our life in a huge way.

Perhaps you have a lover or perhaps you do not, but I invite you to consider to take life as your lover. This month let it matter less whether or not you have a real person to hold in your arms, and let it matter more that life is holding you in its arms.

One of the first questions I ask participants in my Mastery Training to consider is: Are you letting life love you? It's a very profound question if you think about it. While many people feel unloved and believe they have to go out and find someone to prove they are loveable, they rarely succeed because they do not recognize that the love they seek is already given, and available to them right where they stand. If you do not recognize your lovability, no action you take will gain it for you. Yet fall in love with yourself, and you will suddenly have lots of competition for the slot.

D.H. Lawrence nobly noted, "Those who go searching for love only find their own lovelessness. But the loveless never find love; only the loving find love, and they never have to search for it."

Are you a love seeker or a love finder? The funny thing about seeking is that it sometimes leads to finding, but often leads to more seeking. The funny thing about finding is that it usually leads to more finding. Find love within you, and you will find it around you.

Some of the great spiritual masters were love-ecstatics. The immortal poets Rumi, Hafiz, and Kabir related to God as the great Beloved, and walked the world practically drunk with the experience of finding the Beloved in everyone and everything they met. Can you imagine being head-over-heels in love throughout every day?

St. John of the Cross saw it thus: "Take God for your spouse and friend and walk with Him continually, and... you will learn to love, and the things you must do will work out prosperously for you."

We are all learning to love. Love may be the only lesson we were born to master and savor. This month, following Valentine's Day, would be fabulous opportunity to practice it. The wonderful thing about true love is that it does not require anyone else's presence or permission to give it and enjoy it. Then, holding yourself in your arms, you become -- and have -- the world's greatest lover.

From Alan Cohen's monthly newsletter, Insights for Richer Living. Alan is the author of 22 popular inspirational books and CDs, including the best-selling "The Dragon Doesn't Live Here Anymore," the award-winning "A Deep Breath of Life," and the classic "Are You as Happy as Your Dog?" He conducts the Life Mastery Training in Hawaii, as well as a Personal Mentorship Program - see Alan Cohen.com.
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Cultivate a Spiritual Relationship

By Dr. Tim Ong

What is a spiritual relationship? A relationship is how we relate to other. A spiritual relationship is a relationship that aims for the highest good for those in the relationship. It is one that facilitates our spiritual growth. Here are some tips on how to cultivate a spiritual relationship with another.

  1. A Spiritual Being in Physical Experience
    Most people believe they are physical human beings, with perhaps some tendency or inclination to seek a spiritual experience. Living with this belief automatically limits our spiritual experience for it puts our spirituality in the backseat.

    Instead, choose to believe that we are spiritual beings in physical manifestation. This choice automatically brings your spiritual experience into center stage, and you will begin to see every relationship as an opportunity for spiritual growth.

    Remember, whatever you choose to believe in, you're right, for a belief is merely a perception of reality.

  2. Free Will
    As a spiritual being, we have free will and complete control over our life. However, this is only true IF we have full control over our mind. The more mindful or conscious we are, the more free will we have.

    Therefore, in every situation in a relationship, we have a choice as to how we choose to respond. We have the freedom to respond positively or negatively. Responding positively not only helps us to grow spiritually but also offer the other person an opportunity to do so as well. When we respond negatively, we miss an opportunity for growth.

  3. Do not judge
    To judge implies that we are superior to another. It implies that we know better or are more evolved. This is the working of the egoic mind. Every time we judge, we validate and strengthen our egoic mind. Our egoic mind is the proverbial devil in disguise. If it cannot win by force, it will try to win through cunning and trickery. It is so good and subtle at this that we are often fooled by it.

    To judge also implies that we are forcing our own beliefs, concepts, desires and expectations on another. In other words, we are not honoring their free will. Each time we judge another, we are doing ourselves and the other person a disservice. We are perpetuating a negative tendency that continues to validate our egoic mind. At the same time, we encroach on the other person's space and choice, and are more likely to create a resistance in him or her, rather than a positive respond.

  4. Do not blame
    To blame also implies superiority over another. To blame another also means we do not take responsibility for our share in the relationship.

    A relationship is a two-way thing. It takes two to tango. You cannot clap with one hand. This means that in a relationship, both are equally responsible for the outcome. When we blame another, we are actually saying, "It is your fault, not mine." However, we should also remember not to blame ourselves. Since every relationship is an opportunity for spiritual growth, take every situation as an opportunity to learn and evolve. There is no need to blame oneself or others.

  5. Acceptance
    Learn to accept ourselves and the other person, together with all the strengths and weaknesses. We are here to evolve into a spiritual being with full consciousness in our physical manifestation. Each of us are here for certain unique lessons.

    Through acceptance, we help each other to grow. Through acceptance, we let go of our tendency to judge, blame and control. In cultivating a spiritual relationship, we are BE-ing unconditional love.

Copyright © 2005 Dr Tim Ong
Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor and hospice volunteer. He is also the author of "From Fear to Love: A Spiritual Journey" - a book that explores our hidden fears and how we can overcome them. Dr. Ong shares his personal experience as well as relates stories and lessons from his patients. You can get a copy of his ebook here: From Fear to Love.

See the following related pages at Trans4mind:
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