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Cultivate Life!

December 16th, 2008

Quotes of the Week

"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity." --Carl Jung

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love." --Rumi

"A lie has speed, but truth has endurance." --Edgar J. Mohn

The Trans4mind Buddy Service: Liftoff!

Some of the members have been actively contacting other members, whom they have chosen from among a list of matched"buddies," via their confidential email link. We have received a number of encouraging comments from users such as:  

"Trans4mind really seems to be going from strength to strength. I've written before and expressed my admiration for this wonderful site, but I really want to say it again - I think it's absolutely fantastic!! And what a great opportunity you're offering by making the Buddy Service available!"

"Thank you once again for the wonderful, inspirational, genuinely loving and caring work that each of you at trans4mind is doing - it's much appreciated!"

If you registered early on, now's the time to return and start using the service: to meet interesting people and give each other mutual help and support. If possible, please upload a picture of yourself - it's so much better to know what a member looks like!

If you registered but never logged in, again now is the time. Perhaps you couldn't find the email we sent welcoming you to the service, containing your login password... please don't forget to look in your spam mailbox! If you still can't find it, email me, Peter Shepherd, and I'll send it again. And please let me know if anything is unclear.

The service has proved solid and reliable, thanks to the great work done by our programmer, Ken Ward. Nevertheless, you'll find we have refined the program quite a lot over the last week, based on user feedback. It's easier and smoother to use. Remember, this is a safe and secure service: that has been our number one priority. Your email address is not made public and only becomes known to a member you have chosen to contact, and from that point on the emails between you are normal personal emails, totally separate from the Buddy Service. Plus - and you won't find this anywhere else! - there are no promotions nor advertising connected with the service whatsoever.

The idea is to share experiences and ideas for moving forward - with the help of Trans4mind resources such as the Whole Person Handbook - and to support each other, to the point that you both master the life challenge you have in common, and share your insights with others if you wish. Hopefully then, as friends, you can move on to further challenges.

Imagine the value of being able to share what you are learning from all our Trans4mind resources and services with someone who is facing the same life challenges as yourself! And to support each other as you put your insights into practice!

The Courage to Ask New Questions

"You can tell a man is clever by his answers. You can tell he is wise by his questions."
--Naguib Mahfouz, Egyptian Nobel Laureate

If I had a dollar for every opinion I'd heard over the last few months about what would solve the woes of the US economy, I reckon I'd be able to fund the entire $700 billion bailout myself! The economy, energy independence, foreign policy, auto industry bailouts, war torn Iraq, recalcitrant Iran, Sarah Palin, health care, Republican vs. Democrat... man there are a lot of different opinions out there and living a stone's throw from Washington D.C., I've been well and truly immersed in them!

Of course I don't have all the answers to these big problems but what truly amazes me is how many people think they do. Julio Olalla, a wise man and masterful coach, once said "Most people have answers to questions they have never asked." Whether it's the big problems facing the globe or the more personal problems people struggle with in their relationships, families, careers and lives, most people have far more answers than they do questions. Just this last week I was with a client who stated, most emphatically, "But this is just the way it is!" in regard to a challenging situation he faced at work. But, as I pointed out, "This is not 'just the way it is,' this is just the way it is FOR YOU!"

For all of us, the story we have about a situation can undermine the effectiveness of our actions to address it. I will guarantee you that if there's an issue causing you some emotional heartburn then intertwined in the problem will be an opinion you are holding that needs putting through the ringer. Likewise, if you have a problem that keeps resurfacing again and again (even if in different clothes each time) then there's something missing in how you are looking at it that is perpetuating the cycle. Only by having the courage to ask new questions which challenge the answers you've been treating as 'truth' and stepping back to see your opinions for what they are - just opinions - can you hope to resolve your relationship tensions, organizational challenges and any other problems that weigh you down.

Zen says, "Don't seek the truth. Just seek to cherish opinions." To which I would add, "...particularly those different to your own." Obviously we are all entitled to our opinions. It's when we think that our opinion is the only right and valid one that we run into strife. After all, if your opinion is the only right one, then by default, everyone else's must be wrong. The implication: you are smart, they are stupid (or at minimum, 'misguided'). Irony is that our ability to persuade others to adopt our viewpoint is weakened, not strengthened, when we force it onto others.

Having arrived back in Australia last week I found myself in a conversation with someone who was telling me how "shameful, immoral and unethical" our government and corporate leaders are for their lack of action in the fight against global warming. She was absolutely outraged that companies put bottom line concerns ahead of the environment. It's possible there were some valid points somewhere in her argument but the ferocity and righteousness with which she was pushing her opinion on me and the complete absence of any interest in my opinion that challenged her own left me checking out of the conversation and making a mental note to avoid similar conversations with this woman in the future. After all, how can one reason with someone who is being unreasonable? I felt like I was having an argument with a two year old.

Of course I'm sure you would never be as righteous as this (??) but perhaps there is some issue (or person) that you are very one eyed about that is doing you, and your cause, a disservice. It brings to mind something the late comedian George Carlin once said: "Have you ever noticed out driving your car how everyone going slower than you is an idiot, and everyone going faster is a maniac?" We all like to think that "we" are the one who has it figured out and it's everyone else that is morally or intellectually inferior in some way. It's a human thing. But it's my humble opinion that the most evolved among us aren't those with the most answers but those with the best questions.

Look at all the suffering, violence and problems in the world, and you can trace most of it back not to the work of mentally unhinged nuts or narcissistic criminals, but to normal respectable people who are convinced of the rightness of their opinions. But in an a world weighed down by so much conflict, family breakdown, injustice, immaculate mediocrity, fundamentalism and sheer ignorance, just imagine the profound shift that would occur if people were willing to step away from all their answers, let go their stranglehold on 'the truth' and step humbly, and vulnerably, into questions. Questions like:

• What is it about me, and how I'm observing this, that has me see it as I do?
  
• How else could I view this situation?
  
• What is it about how others see it that I can learn from?
  
• How might others' opinions be threatening to me? Why?
  
• How might my opinion be threatening to them and how can I make it less so?
  
• Where is my pride and ego invested in me being 'right' (or making others wrong)?
  
• What questions have I never asked about this issue, situation or person?
  
• Where would collaboration, respect and harmony grow in my relationships if I could give up being the one with all the answers?

There are things in life that we can never fully understand; mysteries that will never be solved. However by sitting in the questions, and being willing to engage in conversations that expand our thinking, we stand a far greater chance of living into the answers and resolving the big challenges facing us, personally and collectively, than we otherwise might.

And what about you? How might it serve you - your relationships, career, finances, health and happiness - to let go some of your answers and begin asking new and bigger and harder questions? I don't know the answer, but I'm sure a new realm of possibilities will open up for you as a result.

Margie Warrell is an internationally Certified Professional & Life Coach, acclaimed Speaker and Best Selling Author who helps people Think Bigger & Live Bolder to achieve outstanding success in all areas of their life. To learn more about her award winning book Find Your Courage (McGraw-Hill), a range of powerful programs, and to receive her free monthly eNewsletter please visit Margie Warrell.com.

Heart to Heart Coaching

Do you ever wish you could have access to your own private coach free of charge, to get help with the challenging situations you face ... whenever you need inspiration, insight or advice? The Heart to Heart Coaching service empowers YOU to coach yourself on the issues that matter most. Each week a new life challenge...

I want to meet the partner of my dreams but I have yet to discover who I am and find my life's purpose.

The questioner's philosophy: I do not belong to any religious community, however I consider myself spiritual. I like the Buddhist approach to life and that of LOVE.

The questioner's hopes and aspirations: Love, Peace, Freedom, Oneness

Question: I am on the way to discovering my healing path - finding a life purpose has been chasing me since my teens or was it me chasing it? I've been looking for the kind of work that would satisfy me - I failed a lot. I realized that I am different and that I am very sensitive and care about the matters of the heart, feelings, emotions, healing and so on. I am not sure where this is taking me, I am very passionate about dancing and slowly I am finding myself there. However I am not sure where this could end so that I can do something meaningful - meaning I will enjoy it and people find it valuable. And I will have financial sufficiency.

Is it a lesson in patience? I am working on releasing my burden, mostly emotional. I suffer from touch deprivation and I am not successful in finding a partner. I can see I was dependent on them in the past, emotionally and financially, and it is hard for me to find my way and become independent, because I do not want to be alone. I have a struggle, whether to go and concentrate on building some sort of career for myself (which is still a ?) or - and this is also my heart's desire - supporting a partner in building his success and standing behind him.

Why do I always end up in a situation that I want to help my partners and be there for them, love them and support them? I am happy doing it - they just want it their way. Is it a wrong choice of man? I do not want that much, I want to share love and moments together, being inspired and maybe find some common interest in working together...

I know everybody is a mirror to us. So picking a "not-ready-guy" should indicate something. I read somewhere that we cannot help others unless they want it too. I believe in the power of love, so does that mean that my needs need go to one side and I let others be as they want to be? My understanding and compassionate heart feels where the partner's "stuckness" is coming from and I do not try to change anything - I know it needs time and self-discovery, ok, but why can't we relate? I wish to understand it.

You are not able to relate because you are not coming from an authentic place in yourself and you are not being authentic in your relationships because you have yet to discover who you are.

I accept and understand that you want to find a partner with whom you can share your life. However if you are uncertain as to your own identity, your own self, how can you then choose wisely? Yes you do need to be patient and build a strong foundation for your life before jumping into life-long commitments.

My feeling is that you are drawn to co-dependent relationships. Co-dependency in a romantic relationship is where one partner lives through satisfying the needs of the other rather than have an authentic independent life that they share with that of their partner in a relationship of equals. Co-dependent relationships are nearly always unhappy relationships and can become progressively more dysfunctional over time as the unhealthy dependency works against the natural impulse in both partners to find their own authenticity and power.

As adults, co-dependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the co-dependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued lack of fulfillment. Peter Shepherd gives some good information about co-dependency in Lesson 2 of The Positive Approach.

You need to first of all outgrow this need to be dependent on another. My advice to you would be to acknowledge that you want and need a life partner but that now is not the right time and focus instead on finding work - ideally work that is your life purpose - which you can enjoy. Through such work you will get to know yourself - your values, talents, strengths, weaknesses, etc.

Recommended Course: Life On Purpose - a proven, systematic, spiritually based and practical process that helps you clarify and fulfill your life purpose. This home study course is particularly good for aligning your purpose with your values, to help define your identity, from which purpose and goals naturally evolve. It's our top recommendation for helping to both find and fulfill your life purpose.

By finding your place in the world through work that you find personally rewarding, you will also gain confidence and strengthen your independent identity. Then, at that stage, if you want to choose a romantic partner, it will be from a position of self-knowledge, financial independence and self assurance. When you bring these qualities to romantic relationships you are bound to make wiser choices.

To assist you with this I recommend you do the course that is our top recommendation for finding your life's purpose. This course, called Life On Purpose, is a proven, systematic, spiritually based and practical process that helps you clarify your life purpose. Furthermore, this home study course provides the tools for you to design your life to be a true and authentic reflection of that purpose. So then you can get on with the joy of living according to your life purpose, find out who you really are and then, and only then, seek a romantic partner.

At that point you will have the ideal life, the partner of your dreams, truly fulfilling work, financial independence and an authentic life!

To the reader:
We welcome your perspective on this person's question. Email us your personal experiences, views and advice - your comments will then be added below this Question and Answer at Trans4mind.

Public Coaching: Submit your Question to be answered here in the Cultivate Life! ezine.

Private Coaching at the coach's own website: a confidential service for purchasers of Wallace's book, Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off.

Keeping Soul Agreements
We constantly help each other in life's journey - even when we don't remember having agreed to do it

Sage

The incident generated outrage, and the teacher was suspended for her actions.

We agree to exist on this planet in its third-dimensional illusion to have experiences and to learn lessons. Everything happens for a reason, and in every situation we are given the opportunity either to heal a fragmented aspect of our soul - called patterning - or play a role for someone else in their healing. Sometimes it's both. We have infinite choices in any given situation, and none of them are considered "good" or "bad." Rather, they are all gifted moments that enable us to find our balance and master the emotions we experience in a 3-D world.

Upon hearing a news report such as this one, it may be hard to remember that all there is in this world is all-encompassing Love and that the seemingly negative or positive experiences are all part of the Illusion. We may align with the boy and feel within ourselves the humiliation he may have experienced standing before his classmates, or we may become angry toward what appears to be hurtful actions on the part of the teacher and students. Or perhaps we nod in agreement, that yes, such a child should not be educated alongside "normal" children.

We choose the people, places and things in our lives to play parts for us. Therefore, each of the players in this news report chose to be in that classroom at that particular time to have that particular experience. The teacher, for instance, created having the experience of being disciplined for her actions perhaps for the lesson of compassion, the boy created his experience for whatever issues he was to learn in regard to accepting his possibly being different, and on and on for each person.

These individuals also played roles for each other - and for us too - so each human being touched by the situation can heal some aspect of themselves. The people in that classroom loved each other so much that they created the scenario so everyone could learn more about themselves and have the opportunity for healing. By choosing to even hear of this drama in another part of our country, we are given the opportunity to feel, experience and address unhealed patterns that have constricted our own hearts. We have all kept our soul agreements to help each other learn valuable lessons in this lifetime.

Neale Donald Walsch illustrates this loving concept so beautifully in his book "The Little Soul and the Sun." Let me paraphrase the story: A little angel is so excited because he has figured out that all we are is love and light. To express gratitude for this new knowledge, he wants to become really special at something, like forgiveness. But all around him he sees a sea of other angels who already know forgiveness because they are all perfect and all-encompassing Love. The angel becomes disheartened. Then, one angel steps from the back of the sea of angels and says, "I will make you a deal. I will come into your next lifetime and I will do something so horrific, so awful, that you well get to practice and become very special at forgiveness." The little angel becomes excited again and says, "You would do this for me?" The second angel says, "Yes, I would, but I will do it on one condition and one condition only." The first little angel says, "Anything!" The second little angel responds, "You must never forget who I am or why you attracted me into your life."

From the moment your soul incarnates into the physical nature of your body, or possibly even before that, you have contractually agreed that you are going to have experiences in your life with certain persons, places and things. You have agreed to these experiences, and you have hired the actors to play these roles.

When we can look at all sides of the classroom scenario and see only all-encompassing Love, we have integrated our emotions and experienced our God Selves. But many of us aren't there yet. Integration can be a slow process, and we must often repeat lessons at different times in our lives to understand them fully. To help speed the integration process, I share four suggestions that I have found helpful in my personal study toward mastery as well as in my counseling practice with clients:

1. View everyone in your life as an angel playing his or her parts for you.
2. Take full responsibility for your creation, rather than playing the victim.
3. Acknowledge the lessons that any experience provides to you.
4. Eventually see everyone as an aspect of yourself.

Copyright © 2008 Sage
SAGE, author of the book "Mirror of Love: Shifting into Higher Consciousness," is an intuitive reader, teacher and speaker who shares the Ancient Essenes' spiritual wisdom of creating your own reality. She lives in the North Carolina mountains and can be reached at (828) 263-0848 or Mirror of Love.com.

See the following related pages at Trans4mind:
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Seeing Possibilities in Uncertain Times

This is not the first time that the world experiences a great ebb. World wars had devastated nations, natural catastrophes had swept regions, great crises had sent millions jobless, but humanity moved forward to new heights producing the greatest, successful and exceptional men and women of all time. While it is true that they were only few, it nevertheless proves that it is possible to thrive in times when many others are occupied in thinking of the setbacks of the uncertain times.

What does it take for successful men and women to overcome challenges? Well, they don't really have anything that we don't have; they only have beliefs that the majority refuse to believe. When others are grieving of losing their job, these few good men and women are simply watching the event passing by without attachment. They are watching from a distance because they have taken a step backward. Stepping backward means retreating to see things from a larger view, learn the lessons from the experience, breathe normally and enjoy what is there at the present moment. They fill the present moment with joy while they are in the process of emptying. The joy of the present moment may be the more quality time spent with the family, or the simple walk along the beach with the partner, or the appreciation of the sunset that hasn't been noticed lately. They simply CHOOSE to shift their attention to beautiful things of the present moment rather than the thought of being jobless for an indefinite length of time.

More importantly, they watch the passing event without any emotion. While others are grieving and cursing, these few good men and women are SILENT. What they only see is the end of something that is impermanent, something that has been created and later to be destroyed to give way to the creation of something better than has gone before. They have learned from past experiences that putting emotion, such as anger and blame to the passing event, only recharges the event, thereby giving it more life and power to rule. This is exactly what is happening today. Because the majority is angry and complaining and talking about the economic r (only called r so as not to give it more energy and power), more r-related events are coming their way. What else would a negative thought bring but a negative thing? What else would bring death to a negative thought but a stop to thinking the thought? Neglect makes all things die naturally.

Life Has Seasons
Nature best portrays the meaning of season. There is a time to sow and a time to reap; as the sun rises, it also sets; after the period of rest comes a period of activity; after the cool winter nights comes the warmth of summer. Whatever season it is, everything in nature adapts; otherwise, they perish. It is the law and the law is implemented even if one complains of ignorance.

The current period suggests to slow down or take a rest. Don't worry about what to eat or what to spend in the next days or months as you will be provided. To worry would only reinforce lack and therefore would only manifest lack in many aspects - food, money, job, opportunities, and a lot more. You may not have the luxury of hopping on a plane to visit the relatives in Florida, but emails or calls full of gratitude and love can take away their longing and assure them that everything is fine with you and your family. You may have been developing that belly fat for overstaying in the office, and this may be the time to get rid of that through walking or jogging. Your camping gear might be harvesting too much dust in the garage, and this may be the time to pack everything and hike. You may have been achingly paying too much for a large house, and this may be the time to move out to a smaller house and still get the same comfort.

Step back and the water becomes clear. Past priorities are summoned and given a second look. The second look from a clear mind comes out with a better judgment and decision becomes easy. Before, if letting go of the big house was difficult; now, letting go becomes a conquered freedom. If mountain climbing or running a half marathon had become a dream after having that demanding job; now, it becomes a dream come true. As more people now have the time to pay attention to the physical body, the passage of this period will significantly reduce extra pounds.

When the clutter has been removed, the water flows freely. A feeling of emptiness may be felt but rushing water fills this emptiness quickly. Nature abhors a vacuum. Opportunities come rushing in - you would wonder where they have been hiding all this time. As opportunities come in, the mind is in perfect state again to create new things. The body is in perfect condition again to perform the process of creation. The spirit is high to achieve whatever goal the mind and body has set. Everything is back in harmony.

The process of recovery becomes brief for a person who does not resist, and long for a person who clings to the old form. The economy is uncertain but the forms and thoughts associated with it can be certain. Only the lessons must remain. Everyone is invited to create a new form and only those who are willing to embrace the change will quickly rise from the rubble.

There Is No Better Time Than Now
If you want to consider this period as tough times, expect more of the events associated with tough times. On the other hand, if you want to consider this period as a passage, expect it to pass and it will pass unnoticed.

There is no better time than NOW. If the economy has affected you and you lost your job, there is no better time to think and reflect but NOW. Try thinking of yourself as a great salesperson, no matter what your profession is. You will sell yourself in your job interview. Who can tell people about your gifts better than you? You are constantly selling yourself in your current position to keep your job and perhaps even get that promotion.

Everything in life is not permanent. Jobs, relationships, wealth and everything don't last. When it is there, enjoy it. When it is gone, it is gone. What is left is the present moment and the present moment carries more than what the eyes are used to see. Look beyond and the clear mind and good heart will see possibilities. Most of the time, it is always in front of you, yes, right there in front of you.

George Kengott (email) is the author of new ebook - When Fortune Knocks Open the Door: An Inspirational Story about Sales Secrets in Uncertain Times.

See the following related pages at Trans4mind:
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Enlightened or Awakened ... or Not?

How to tell if you are with an 'Enlightened or Awakened' Human Being:

1. You will feel expanded. Your consciousness and awareness will feel expanded, opened, altered. You will experience states of inner peace, knowing, aliveness, joy and love.
2. You will feel unconditionally supported, seen, known, acknowledged and respected.
3. Your energy will be lighter, clearer and more vibrant. Heavy or conflicted emotional and mental states may disappear completely or lessen. You most likely will experience deep understanding into your true nature and being.
4. Timelessness may occur as you connect more with higher consciousness and Spirit.
5. There is sense of unity, oneness and love. Not just individually but in the room and among all participants.
6. The 'Enlightened or Awakened One' will speak Universal Truth. This is Truth that is known and shared in many traditions. Truth such as you are love. You are Light. You are God. It is called universal truth because we all can access it universally through universal mind. The 'Enlightened One' will know this and share it freely. They will honor other traditions. They will honor your own ability to know and express universal truth. In other words, he/she will not have to be the only 'enlightened one' in the room. If that is case, you are not with an 'enlightened one'.
7. The 'Enlightened or Awakened Human Being' will display detachment. This is not dis-interest or non-caring or insensitivity. This is seeing from the higher perception and awareness that occurs in enlightened states. This is also what some healers (enlightened or not) will do - allow the other to project their 'stuff' onto them in order to transform it. If it becomes a power struggle, the person is not enlightened.

1. It is only about them and their story. If he/she is not supporting and embracing the enlightened consciousness present on our planet and available to everyone and within you, then you are not with an 'enlightened one'.
2. You must diminish your light or your energy field or your sense of Self in any way.
3. He/she requires you to join something, purchase something or see them because they can 'help or fix' you.
4. He/she creates separateness consciousness - a sense of superiority or you as inferior, less wise or knowing. An 'enlightened one' will never support that. He/she will always support your mastery, not require you to be supporting theirs.
5. He/she has a limited worldview or limited view of life that you must believe. He/she requires blind allegiance or trust from you.
6. He/she puts down or belittles any one else, any philosophy, person or other group.
7. You walked in feeling expanded, loving and whole and leave feeling diminished, or smaller.
8. An enlightened person will have Light about them. You will see a clear energy field or a lightness or brightness about them. Their eyes sparkle, they laugh easily. They live in joy. If there is a heavy or dark energy that you can see around them, be cautious.
9. An enlightened or awakened one will seldom refer to them self as 'enlightened'. If they do so it is with the utmost humility. Usually those around him or her will refer to them in that way.

See the following related pages at Trans4mind:
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In Praise of Failure

As counter-intuitive as this sounds, given the massive failure of global financial institutions and the despicable revelations about executive payouts in companies like Lehman Brothers and AIG, much can be learned from failure. In fact, our very reluctance to admit that something is NOT working is one of the reasons for our current protracted wars, severe financial meltdown, and no wide and deep commitment to develop alternative energy sources.

British author J.K.Rowling pushed the failure envelope in her 2008 speech to the gradating class of Harvard. She admitted that it was at the lowest point of her life (single parent, no job, one step away from being homeless) that she decided to stop pretending to be anyone else but herself and throw all her energies into writing. The Harry Potter series and a fortune of $1.1 billion testify to Rowling's belief that "you will emerge wiser and stronger, secure in your ability to survive."

ABANDON EGO but NEVER YOUR INTEGRITY
Integrity can be translated as faithfulness to one's self and one's ability whereas ego is viewed in terms of what others think. Some of the world's most impressive successes started out as failures. Beethoven's teacher told him he was hopeless as a composer and then, even as he became deaf, Beethoven wrote ravishing music. Churchill suffered numerous defeats in WWII and was kicked out of office. Yet, he is still regarded as England's greatest wartime hero.

Michael Phelps astounded the Olympic swimming world, and yet his childhood was marked by failures to fit in. As Churchill stated, "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." Or perhaps Henry Ford who went bankrupt many times before getting Ford Motor Company off the ground said it best. "Failure is the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently."

DON'T HIDE FAILURE. FOCUS ON LEARNING
Throwing the same strategies and tools at a failure is destined to only get more of the same. The research conducted by Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck confirms that when failure is viewed as a learning experience, people respond with greater effort. Those who believe they have only a finite talent for learning report that they stop trying and might even consider cheating to get ahead. In the business world, risk --and possible failure-is essential for success.

Companies like Apple and Xerox encourage effort and innovation and see failure as a steppingstone. One of the bigger leadership mistakes would be to use social systems to bail people out of their failures rather than use systems to help people learn from such failures. No excuses. Just lessons learned and next steps to take.

THE OPPOSITE OF SUCCESS ISN'T FAILURE BUT MEDIOCRITY
Failed companies are rarely the fodder for case studies. That's unfortunate because we have much to learn from the failure. In his book, The Strategy Paradox, Michael Raynor, a professor at the Richard Ivey School of Business in London, Canada, looks at the Sony flop of its Betamax video-cassette versus Matsushita's VHS technology. Sony lost because it maintained an iron grip on licensing and high cost whereas Matsushita used opposite strategies. Although Sony lost, no one would regard Sony as a failed enterprise. WHY? Because Sony continued to take big risks and learn from them. The firm COULD have sunk into mediocrity.

LOOK BEYOND THE RESULT
In the world of science and technology, amazing innovations have come as a result of what might be termed "failure". The ability to see beyond the obvious has given rise to everything from rubber tires and post-it notes to Viagra and wine-in-a-box. A great example is failuremag.com. This is an online breakup service founded by Ren and Deanna Thompson. The Thompson's encountered so many online dating mis-matches that they started a Web-based "breakup service" that delivers bad news to the rejected party.

Faced with failure in many of our organizations and our national systems, we have two choices: hunker down, hide and live a mediocre life. Or, we can participate in our own leadership spheres of influence to learn from these failures and create something stronger, durable, and equitable for all.

Copyright © 2008, McDargh Communications.
Known as a powerful presenter and facilitator, Eileen McDargh, CSP, CPAE has been creating conversations that matter and connections that count since 1980. Executive Excellence ranks her among the top 100 thought-leaders in leadership development. Her newest book, Gifts from the Mountain: Simple Truths for Life's Complexities, received the 2008 Ben Franklin book award. To hire Eileen as a speaker, coach or retreat leader visit Eileen McDargh.com.

See the following related pages at Trans4mind:
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Carpe Diem - Seize the Day

Children do not think about time in the same way as older folks. They are too busy playing games and chatting with their friends. They grow into adults who gain responsibilities and commitments. As adults, there is no time to contemplate where time is going because many folks swamp themselves by their daily routines.

However, as adults age, one day they suddenly realize how fast time flies. The older they become, the more they understand how time is speeding up, racing headlong into the jaws of physical death. In old age, a person may look back at past events that all too often had unpleasant outcomes and a few times surprisingly super results. In most peoples lives the problems outweighed the good times but somehow or other they struggled through and here they are in old age, reminiscing.

No matter how successful or ineffective they were, everyone will as the same question ... Did I make the best of my time on earth. If they did, they will have no regrets. However if they did not enjoy their past life, it will come back to haunt them no matter how big the bank balance. In all probabilities, they will pass over in a depressed state of mind. Therefore, it makes sense to know as soon as possible how to live each moment on earth in divine bliss ... To know how to seize each day and make the most of every second.

This poem was found on the tomb of Inherkhawy, a supervisor of workers at the Egyptian royal burial ground in the ancient city of Thebes:

Song of the Harper

All who come into being as flesh, pass on;
Busy fluttering souls and bright transfigured spirits
Who people the world below
And those who shine in the stars with Orion;
All men rest in the grave;
Set your home well that your good name last because of it,
Care for your works that your seat in the West be splendid;
Seize the day! hold holiday!

Be unwearied, unceasing, alive,
Let not your heart be troubled during your sojourn on earth
Grieve not your heart, whatever comes
Recall not the evil, loathsome to God,
But have joy, joy, joy, and pleasure!
Content with your lot, rejoicing, not speaking evil.

There can be no doubt that from the beginning of the human time and space mode, people have looked up at the heavens and asked how they can make the most of their life on earth. The fountain of youth has become a billions of dollar industry, with all types of cosmetic products and surgical procedures, keep fit regimens, health treatments, guru seminars and a whole host of concoctions that boggle the mind. And yet, despite all of that, holding on to blissful time is seemingly like trying to capture the wind as it breezes-by on your face.

Experts may express that is impossible to be in a pleasurable state of mind all the day, every day. They will go on the say that even if it were possible life would become boring and uninteresting. Since most people listen to expert advice, they will believe the experts and feel it is normal to be miserable some days when things don't go the way they intended. Therefore, for most people it has become impossible to seize every day and enjoy whatever it brings. Nevertheless, what if the experts are wrong and a person could enjoy every moment they are on Earth...

What if there is a way to find the elixir of happiness that does not cost a dime and does not need any other human beings advice. Would that be something human beings would want? The answer is yes they do want it; however, the obstacle that stands in their way is so huge that for most people it becomes very hard to shift. The reason why is so hard to overcome is the fact that it is the person's own belief system and intellect that bars the way to happiness. Most people have become so entrenched in the way they perceive the world to be, that any application of truthfulness upsets their demeanor and they run a million miles in the opposite direction.

The truth, like joy-filled time, evades most people and the more people try to capture it, the further away they travel. It is comparable to a computer that is loaded with all types of sophisticated software and yet fails to understand the simplest of tasks because they are no longer part of the modern system that requires applications that are more advanced.

Joy is still a gift that comes with birth; however, modern day living soon wants to take simple joy and change it by artificial human intellect into something it was never meant to be. The only place on Earth that is susceptible to erroneous changes is the human intellect that believes it can alter its own intelligence system and make it better than originally planned.

It shoves all types of food and drink into a system that is built to enjoy water and simple healthy foods. It artificially creates a luxury lifestyle, while forsaking the key ingredients of happiness and contentment. An expensive lifestyle is one where happiness is sacrificed for money, serenity for ambition and contentment for the pursuit of things. The simple formulae are...

Happy to be alive with common sense = Intelligence

Working at being correct = Intellect.

When the intellect attempts to rule over its own intelligence system, the result will always turn out to be misery. The good news is, whenever the intellect allows its own intelligence system to guide its lifestyle and creativity, the results will be Carpe Diem.

The moments may contain chaos that want to catch the attention; however, when we can seize that moment of chaos and feel the joy of the divine, we have seized the moment of joy within the chaos. The person that can seize the joy in the day, without being caught up in the mayhem that may exist around them, will live a prosperous life. Try to remember, beginner's luck can last a lifetime, once we understand how lucky we are to be born.

International talk show host and "professional optimist" Michael Levy is the author of eight inspirational books. His new book Paradise Graces A Simple Mind is just published - learn more at Point of Life and listen to the Point of Life Inspirational Radio Show.

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Scale the Wall: The Power of Optimism

"I'll never feel better," muttered the small four-year-old struggling to overcome the flu. He had hit the wall and his optimism had faded into depression. Hitting the wall is a familiar term for participants in endurance sports, particularly cycling and running. Hitting the wall describes the condition when an athlete suddenly loses energy and becomes fatigued, the result of glycogen stored in the liver and muscles becoming depleted.

Hitting the wall happens daily in the corporate world. It is a loss of optimism accompanied by discouragement and a feeling of helplessness. What makes you hit the wall? What blocks or disheartens you? Is it a phone call to disgruntled clients? Cold calls? Writing sales copy? Running a meeting? Arguing with a team member over production deadlines? Seeing the glazed look of apathy on a peer's face when you ask for help? Attempting to motivate a disengaged employee? The world economy?

Optimism is dependent on your view of adversity and the thoughts and feelings you internalize when experiencing a difficulty. How you think and feel changes what you actually do. The good news is this: if if optimism and the ability to scale the wall is not one of your natural talents (meaning that adversity creates the adrenaline to climb the wall), it can be learned. If you end up thinking "What's the use?" adversity paralyzes you and you quit.

To help them through the crisis when they hit the wall, cyclists and marathon runners use a technique called carbohydrate loading. It increases complex carbohydrate intake during the last few days before an event.

For the corporate endurance athlete, carbohydrate loading is similar to pumping up your mental toughness beforehand in order to dispute and ultimately dismiss depression later in the race.

American psychologist Albert Ellis believed that depression was bad thinking. It was "stupid behavior on the part of nonstupid people." A colleague, Aaron T. Beck, also believed that depression is a disorder of conscious thought and that negative thinking is the disease.

Albert Ellis gave us a model to understand the relationships between an event and your coping response: when an event happens, you run it through your psychological filters of beliefs, expectations and evaluations. These filters produce feelings that cause your coping response of decreasing effort or increasing perseverance and determination.

To illustrate Ellis' point, let's take the sales professional who is makes cold calls. If on the 10th "no" the professional runs the experience of cold calling through the filter of his beliefs that "I'm no good at this," the coping response is to quit for the day. If, however, the professional is predisposed for optimism or has learned to be optimistic and he runs the same experience through the filter of "Great, only a few more calls until I get a sale," the coping response is to scale the wall and double the effort.

Confronted with the distress of the 21st Century global workplace, how do you react to hardship and depression? Wouldn't optimism help you scale the wall?

For every adversity you encounter, your belief system and what you say to yourself determines if you hit the wall and crumple into the fetal position or if you get out your climbing gear and scale the wall with resolve.

Karla Brandau, Certified Speaking Professional, is a workplace consultant and an expert in leadership and professional development. She works with organizations who want to be competitive in the 21st century global marketplace. Sign up for her monthly newsletter, From the Desk of Karla Brandau by going to Karla Brandau.com. Contact Karla at 770-923-0883 for a free consultation or to check the availability of dates to bring Karla to your organization.

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How I Helped Myself

As a young businesswoman, Jessica Taylor migrated to Canada from Ireland. Her life was however abruptly halted by a near fatal fall at work, that cause brain injuries. Her story of recovery has been an inspiration to many...

To help my memory I kept reading short sentences in books until I was capable of memorizing and quoting them. This took a long time but it was well worth doing. I did likewise with favorite poetry. In turn, I was actually stimulating my dormant brain neurons (which we all have) through repetition.

I also made myself recall what I had for dinner the previous night, or some event that I had attended. I did so for further brain cell stimulation. I wrote down events and reminders every day in a notebook. I also kept a board on the kitchen wall with reminders about everyday things that needed to be done.

I wrote down important phone numbers as well as my address in my Journal and took it with me in case I got lost. I learnt to do this the hard way, having been lost many times. When too many thoughts frequented my mind, I silently chanted a short affirmation. I kept repeating the affirmation until the thoughts stopped. There are several affirmations to choose from on Spiritual websites.

The sayings, 'A quitter never wins; a winner never quits' and 'Accept the challenge; refuse to fail' became very important affirmations. Repeating these words truly helped me to keep on with my fight for survival! Reading spiritually enlightening books, helped me to develop spiritually and to understand who and what I was. Having been lost for many years, this was important information for my welbeing.

Even today, because of problems with regards to 'recent recall', in order to find my car when I am shopping at malls, I memorize the name of a shop where I entered and exited. It is also advisable to write the name of the shop or some other landmark that may be near one's car.

After the first few years of recovery, spanning 16 years in all, I borrowed hundreds of books from libraries and studied subjects that interested me. I studied and researched one particular subject matter for a period of 14 years. While I studied, I was unknowingly astimulating my brain's dormant neurons so that they took over for the cells that were injured. In fact, this intensive study led to my writing a dissertation on theology and it's connection with the paranormal. I hope to get a degree for this work in order to give hope to others. I firmly believe that such intensive study and subsequent research brought me to where I am today. See the following links with regards to the stimulation of reserve neurons: www.AND.ca, www.iahp.org, www.aiahp.org, www.bibic.org.uk, www.THECNR.com, www.brainsolutions.org.

While cooking and having to leave the kitchen to either go out to the garden or to another room, I continue my former habits such as turning on the oven timer or setting the alarm clock. This I learnt 'the hard way' too, as many saucepans caught fire in the early days of my recovery! I also check every room in the house before leaving it.

It is also advisable for head injured people to not take on more than one project at a time. I had to learn this 'the hard way' as well! I pace myself at all times and get plenty of sleep. Meditation is a must for everyone, let alone the head and brain-injured. It is not easy to blank out all thoughts and it takes time to develop this. Through time however, it works wonders.

I continue to take protein powder, Ginkgo Biloba, Omega 3 6 9, and other vitamins. It is important to focus on having positive thoughts. I know that this is not the easiest thing to do when "the odds" seem against us; it is well worth the effort however. It is also important to avoid drinking a lot of alcohol and to get out into the fresh air and breathe it in deeply as much as possible. Don't forget that it the lack of oxygen that injures and destroys brain neurons.

Although suffering a severe brain injury on 1969 that took years to overcome, Jessica now presents seminars and is President of her 'New Beginnings Foundation' on Vancouver Island. She is affiliated with many head-injury support groups around the world and has received extensive radio, print and TV coverage. In addition, she has attracted the support of many high-profile notables like Vanessa Redgrave, The Duchess of York, and Former President of Ireland, Mary Robinson. More recently, Jessica wrote about her story in From Tragedy To Triumph; Journey Back From The Edge.

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How to Build Trust and Develop Relationships

When it comes to customer loyalty, nothing is more important than the trust you develop with your customers. Research from Texas A & M University says if customers see you as being trustworthy and reliable ... and if customers see you fulfilling your promises ... then they will become enthusiastic customers for life.

The same is true with your co-workers. If your employees see you telling the truth, even when it's not easy or comfortable to do so then you'll build an incredible bond of trust with them. And with that bond of trust will come more cooperation and motivation.

The lesson is clear. If you want your customers to remain loyal, you must earn and keep their trust. If you want a stronger team at work, you have to build a foundation of trust. So trust is your ultimate competitive advantage. Now, how do you build or re-build trust?

1. Assume the best about your employees and customers
   When something goes wrong, or when the other person disappoints you, start by assuming the best. Don't immediately jump into the fray, pound your desk, froth at the mouth, and demand to know why your employees or customers did something so stupid.

   Instead, honor the other person. Rather than focus on WHO's to blame for what went wrong, focus on WHAT can be done about it. That takes the focus off the past and off the other person. It puts the focus onto the future where the two of you can work together.

   Besides, if you jump in too quickly, blaming someone for what happened, you'll often embarrass yourself. You may find out that you're really the one to blame for the problem that occurred.

2. Stick up for your customers or employees when they're in the right
   You build trust when you speak out on someone's behalf, especially when it's not politically popular or interpersonally comfortable. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "In the end we will not remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."

   I'll never forget the time I chaired the task force of a charitable organization. Over a period of time, it came to my attention that the organization had misused funds on several occasions. My task force members urged me to confront the Board and document my findings. They would be there to back me up.

   I did that, but not one of the task force members backed me up when the top leaders lashed out in defense and aggression. If nothing else, I learned that Dr. King was right. It was the silence of my "friends" that I remember the most today.

3. Refuse to gossip
   There's something very alluring, and maybe even a little satisfying, about sharing a negative tidbit. It may make you feel a bit superior, but you've got to fight the urge to add to the gossip and the people bashing that may go on in the company cafeteria or behind a customer's back. You just can't do it.

   The reason is simple. Negative gossip almost always gets back to the person you are discussing. That's just the nature of juicy, negative, sensationalized news. And to make matters worse, the version that gets back to the person you discussed is almost always worse than the version you shared.

4. Keep your promises
   Nothing destroys trust faster than failing to keep your promises. Think about it. No one ever forgets a promise. You tell your child you'll take her to the amusement park, and she'll remind you fifteen times that "you promised."

   You tell a colleague that you'll get back to him, and he sees it as a promise. You tell a client, that an assignment will be finished by tomorrow and she sees it as a promise. And it doesn't work to go back to them and say you forgot or you got busy. In their minds, you broke your promise, and the trust between the two of you is damaged. So, if you want to build trust, the solution is simple. Keep your promises.

• Become a better leader and manager
• Retain your employees - (don't forget: high employee turn-over = higher costs)
• Keep your customers who want to buy from you over and over again for life
• Achieve more than you ever thought possible

Best-selling author and Hall of Fame professional speaker, Dr. Alan Zimmerman has transformed more than a million people into better managers and leaders in the office and in the marketplace. For even more tips on how to build relationships with employees and customers that last a lifetime go to DrZimmerman.com and get his free e-book that's filled with his most popular articles.

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