It is appropriate for you to feel bad. If you did not feel bad, then you did not care for your girlfriend or love her. So it is good you feel bad. Let me reassure you that your emotional pain has a purpose. Your current heartache will help you open your heart so you can find happiness.
You are young and have plenty of time to mend your broken heart. You can become emotionally secure and have meaning and purpose in your life. When your heart opens, you will enjoy many riches in your life. Opening your heart will move you forward on your spiritual path. Read past columns on emotional maturity, developing trust in relationships, opening the heart, surrendering and last issue's column on what to do after a break up.
You are a young man who cannot trust, relax and enjoy yourself in a loving, sexual relationship. I am sure there are many other men around the world in different countries who cannot cultivate and develop a loving relationship with a woman. This is a serious relationship problem.
When I read your question, I thought about the difference between men and women. In general, men do not enter therapy, coaching and take self-improvement courses until they have a painful relationship loss or an out of control sexual problem. On the other hand, women in general, do enter therapy, coaching and take self-improvement courses before, during and after they get a divorce or break up with their partner.
Women buy the majority of self-improvement books, self help audio and online courses. The majority of self-esteem, anxiety reduction, Assertiveness Training and nature workshop participants are women. Women are well educated. Thus, I encourage you and other men to get educated so you feel better and enjoy life more. Engaging in personal growth and transformation now will reap big rewards later in life.
Tips to happiness
Get the education you need so you can approach women with ease. With relationship coaching and the appropriate online courses, you can learn the relationship skill set that is required to attract women who want to be with you.
Then you need to put into practice your new interpersonal skills in real life. As you improve your ability to empathize and be intimate with women, you will develop a loving relationship with one of the women you are dating. You also need to learn how to make love to a woman with enough physical and emotional skill so that you please her sexually and emotionally. You need to please her so much that she does not have any desire to be with anyone else.
You need to be:
You put time and attention into making money and being successful. You also need to put time and attention into making love and being a better lover. Making love is a whole lot more than getting kisses and hugs from someone. Making love is the sacred act of creating and then sharing the energy of love. This requires a high degree of interpersonal skills. Good lovers are relaxed, loving, secure, open and self-confident.
The act of mending your broken heart will help you become more sensitive to yourself and to women. Lovers relate to each other by connecting heart to heart. Lovemaking is not serious and anxious. Lovemaking is playful and fun.
Trust is the foundation of all relationships
When trust is broken, or never established in the first place, a relationship cannot flourish and grow. Trust is the place where two people meet to make love. Without trust, you do not have love or lovemaking. Trust is a pre-requisite for sharing your heart and soul with another.
At the age of two years is when you learn to either trust or distrust the world you live in. If your parents are honest, reliable, and dependable and allow you freedom of expression, you develop trust. If your parents are dishonest with others, unreliable in relationship to you, do not meet your physical needs, ignore your emotional needs and inhibit your full body expressions, you learn to distrust your world.
Given the degree of distrust that you have, I would suspect that your parents are in the latter category. However, everyone needs more trust because it is the major ingredient that allows one to live a spiritual life in the material world. Trust is power. "Ask and ye shall receive." This universal law works in direct portion to the degree of trust you have. It does not work if you do not trust that you will receive.
Unfortunately, you learned not to trust the world you live in. Therefore, you need to recognize, own and stop the viscous circle of distrust that you are trapped in. You are:
What to trust?
The truth is the only thing you can trust. You need to trust yourself, your body, your emotions, your energy, your inner core and your soul. You can always trust the laws of nature, the universal laws and divine energy.
It is unwise to trust others to take care of you, to supply the missing pieces of your self-esteem or to be who you want them to be. You can only trust others to be themselves.
The best way to learn trust is to get a spiritual teacher, holistic psychologist, emotional health coach or human energy mentor to show you how to develop and cultivate a life based on trust.