ALL THE RESOURCES YOU NEED FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

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I do not remember how I stumbled on Trans4mind and your writings but with a bit of clich from my 12 Step groups, it must be my Higher Power working for me.

I have suffered with drug and sex addiction for most my life. My first memory of sexual sensation was from age 7 and I began acting out with older men around age 13. I currently live with my partner of 14 years whom I love and cherish. Just a few days ago I began reading your column and I realized that before drugs and before sex my negative imprinting from my father was from practicing Santeria and sending me to strict Catholic Schools where the beating and abusing of kids was still practiced. I was never sexually abused in school but I was beaten and I experienced many other beatings of other schoolmates near me. One kid was seriously hurt that I know of, I know many more have been seriously hurt and this kid had to go to the emergency room to have stitches from being hit by a teacher.

My father's Santeria practices were done incognito in our home and he told me to never talk about that to anyone out side our home or especially at school with priests or nuns because they would kick me out of school and maybe have us deported back to Cuba. This is how I learned to lie and be deceitful.

My father insisted on my participation in the rituals and observing his cleansing of other sinners, usually half naked and sometimes fully naked although the nude cleansings were done in another room for privacy. My mother didn't think I should be a part of all this but she had no voice and had to be quiet.

At age 13 my father insisted that I have a circumcision and although I instinctively felt that this was unnecessary; my voice as well as my mother's went unheard and I had this procedure done that, with hindsight, twisted my beliefs and ideas in many things from sexuality to religion for most of my life.

When I read the words "victim of religious abuse" I too thought this is how I ought to introduce myself at my 12 Step meetings but I have yet to do this.

I have to give back to my community near and far by telling my story and I recently attended a wellness retreat where I came up with a long-term plan to get back to work in the future. I would love to help the GLBT community with issues dealing in addictions, religion, spirituality and sexual abuse. What do you think suggest I should do? I have extensive peer-to-peer counseling and life experience. I was thinking of beginning a CADC licensure course this coming fall and the life coaching research through the Internet seems somewhat sketchy. Some courses are so expensive and some are too cheap and quick to be true.

You are an amazing man with an amazing story to tell. The abuse you describe makes my childhood religious abuse experiences seem trite by comparison. But nobody's experiences of religious abuse are trite. This is an extremely debilitating form of abuse that has driven many to suicide. This must be stopped.

You are looking for direction, aren't you? Normally I would say "check with your heart" but my guidance has a suggested route for you. Here's what We see. It's time for religious abuse victims to come out and tell their story, and to be identified as a unique group within the community of groups that have organized and set up recovery programs for themselves.

Religious abuse victims need that kind of recognition and organization so they can focus on the unique aspects of their religious abuse, one of which is some unholy version of the shame sexual abuse victims suffer. What you have described is abuse through terror, intimidation and shame with the holy sword of God being swung over your head for good measure. This is something only a seriously dysfunctional, and probably psychotic, religious authority could deliver. What you have described is Medieval and Barbaric.

This is no small thing. I wrote about my own relgious abuse at Unpluggedbecause Trans4mind's webmaster, Peter Shepherd, kept prompting me to do so. My animosity and disgust with the church came out in quite a vociferous fashion. Maybe that was the anger Peter picked up upon during some of our many conversations. It was very good for me to do this exercise. That series of blogs served a great cleansing function for me.

Why don't you start a group for Santeria Survivors. In fact, you could call it "Santeria Survivors." Just start with a Blog. These are free with Google. Send out the word using conventional and online methods. Ask for people to give their stories. Post them. As the Experts notice what you are doing they will come a calling. In the meantime set up your own 12 Step recovery programs. Get Santeria Survivors to contribute to the program, in terms of ideas, and expertise, such as psychology, sociology and whatever disciplines seem appropriate. Borrow from existing 12 Step Recovery programs to get started. You're a survivor, let you heart help you sort through what would be appropriate for Santeria Survivors.

As people join and share stories, they will tell you what they need. With Forums and Blogs people help each other. You engage something that is bigger than you and this Force, this energy, moves with you and your idea to ensure that what is needed, will be provided. That's how you evolve your adapted Santeria 12 Step Recovery Program. Then you can evolve your Blog into a website, where survivors can contribute even more, in terms of ideas, support, money, and opportunities to share. It would become a self-sustaining and ever evolving enterprise. And then, Bingo! You have a new job!

This is how every Recovery program for every type of abuse victim ever got started. These kinds of religious abuses should not be secret any longer. We heal all our wounds by exposing them to the light of day. There's a saying in the fields of pschotherapy and personal development: "We are as sick as our Secrets." This is absolutely true. It's time for the Santeria story to come out and you're the man to get it started.

This is what I felt when I first read your letter. However, my guidance still stepped up the pressure to make sure I delivered you this message.

Let me know what you decide and I will happily contribute ideas if you choose to go this route.

Read more questions concerning Religious Abuse with Maurice's advice

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