Am I being selfish for helping and healing others even though my husband is jealous?
I've a friend that without knowing helped me discovered my true nature. Thanks to her, I found out I was able to heal with my hands. It's a long story, but to make it short I was always able to feel what others around me felt, just by touching them, so it was uncomfortable to actually feel their pain and stuff like that, but when I met her, I found that it could be more a blessing than a curse. I decided to give it some use, so I started working with energy and reiki, and began reading about it ,and a year after I've learned that I'm capable of actually easing the pain.
However, my life partner does not understand what I do, and we began fighting a lot, firstly because I spend some hours after work doing it, and then he told me I was having an affair with someone else, which wasn't true. Finally we split.
I have 2 kids with him, aged 8 and 3, and I really love him. We are happy when we are together, and we continue seeing each other over the weekend for the girls, but he thinks that I spend to much time trying to help others, and he is jealous about it, so he told me he wants us to get back together... but he demands that I stop seeing my friend (who by the way let us stay at her place after we separated) and that I stop helping others. I told him I can't do that, but everyone in my family says I'm wrong for thinking that way. I mean, I love him but that's not something I will negotiate with him. Am I being too selfish for not thinking of my kids needs? Everyone here thinks that I lost my mind, for ruining my marrige for people that most of the time I've never seen. But I've only done what I felt was right.
There is only one person who is self-centered here and that is your boyfriend. He is acting like a baby and should be treated as such. You have one true friend, according to your letter, and she helped you discover your gifts and showed you how to use them without causing you great distress. Do you think for one minute that God gave you these great gifts so you could abandon them and look after a man who is so insecure, he needs to have you all to himself? And your family is dead wrong on the issue as well.
You are following your heart. You are helping people. You are developing the gifts you were given for this life. What better example can you provide your children about being a good person in this world?
Tell your boyfriend to grow up, or, leave, if life is that painful for him. You cannot tear yourself into pieces so you can be what he wants, what your family wants or what your heart tells you to do. You decide what is your priority and tell him the way it is. If he wants to whine about it, that's his choice. You already have 2 children to take care of and you don't need a third who is supposed to be a man.
Read more questions relevant to Lightworkers with Maurice's advice
To the reader:
We welcome your perspective on this important question. Email us your personal experiences, views and advice—your comments will then be added below...
Nadia Thonnard comments, January 2010:
Relationships are organic. They change all the time, transform and evolve. Because more than one person is involved in a relationship it is understandable that not all people within a relationship evolve at the same pace and/or together. It is no one's fault, only circumstances and the people's needs within this relationship that make relationships sometimes breakup. Yourself and your husband clearly have growing needs within this relationship, needs that cannot be met by the other one anymore. To remain in a conflicting relationship where neither your needs nor your husband's needs are being met anymore is not serving the children and therefore it is not selfish to seek those needs outside the relationship. Children are better served by two happy separated parents rather than two unhappy parents together.
However, this being said, you could explore some relationship counselling which could help you express and define your changing needs within the relationship and explore a possible compromise and understand that a divorce is not a breakup point in someone's life, but a change of direction.
Asha Perinchery comments, January 2010:
When something as transformational as Reiki comes to you, lots of changes happen within you. I believe that you took the decision to split because of these changes that have happened at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. It is part of the cleansing and purging process; and it is sure to nurture you. Be centred and Reiki will show you the way; have faith and Reiki will heal you. I speak this from experience.
Do not do anything because there is pressure from others. What does your heart tell you? Learn to listen to that and you will make a turn around that will be in the best of your interest. Many a time we cloud our intuitions with logic and reasoning, which are actually the workings of the mind. And the mind - it is focused only on feeding one's ego and the me-consciousness, even if it is detrimental to your interests.
Finally, I agree with Maurice's reply. This God given gift is not meant to be trashed for the sake of someone who does not support you being yourself. Even if he is your kid's father, it is just not worth it.