"Where do I go from here?"
Hello, I'm a middle-aged man who wants to change my life around, to free myself of fears, to find love and acceptance of myself, to know my spirit and who I am. I want to find the truth, love, compassion, understanding, kindness, to know the truth of my fears, and the faith to confront and overcome them. I am rambling on to a total stranger, where do I go from here?
Thank you for your letter. Well, what you are asking for is what we are all seeking - a happy, fulfilled, balanced life. This is the journey that we set out on when we incarnate - how to create the kind of life that works well and is filled with love. It is often a lifelong journey. Many lives, in fact, to learn how to do this. Each time that we change even one distorted belief into a clear one, we are doing what we are meant to do.
What is showing up for you as the place to start is that you are still corded to your mother in an unhealthy way. Cords are energetic patterns that bind us to someone or something, like being entwined in their energy, caught up in it, or bound to it in some way. This has created sadness in your life.
We incarnate with other people, such as family members, because we have the same kind of issue to work out that they have, and so they are mirrors for us of our own stuff, as we are mirrors for them. But, at any time, we can choose to create it differently - to create a new way of feeling, believing, and understanding.
It is time for you to complete your personality - to find yourself in a way that is separate from your ancestral line, which includes your mother and her patterns. It is time for you to connect with your own innate and inner wisdom, to develop a healthy feminine side within yourself - one that is healthy and clear and true. One that you can trust. To be fully balanced, we all need to have a healthy masculine and feminine part to us. That way, we attract others to us who also have a healthy, balanced personality and life.
There are issues for you that deal with trust, as well as sharing and speaking your truth - which is why I'm glad that you trusted enough to write in your question. That is a start. When you begin to trust yourself, everything will change for the better.
What will really help here is an Aura-Soma product. It will help you to learn to open to trusting, and help you to develop your own inner wisdom - your own inner strength. With Aura-Soma essences, you apply them to the body until the little bottle is used up. This allows the vibration they carry to merge with you and support you in making these changes and gaining new understandings. They are very gentle and work with very high energy levels of awareness. The essence you need is the oil #23. The gold pomander will also help in conjunction with this essence, as it helps to release one from irrational fears, reconnecting us with our innate wisdom, and it heals old wounds.
There is some aspect of shock or trauma going on with you also, and both of these essences will support you to heal that. You can order both of these essences by e-mailing firstname.lastname@example.org. I strongly invite you to get them and to start using them. As you begin to heal and to clear away old distortions, your next steps will become clear also. I think this is a good start to get you to where you want to go. Remember, there are many layers to the journey. We heal one layer at a time.
Best wishes, Ayal
How and where do I go to find myself separate from my mother? What are my issues with my mother, where do I begin? What you said to me was so very interesting and how am I corded with my mother - if you could explain to me so I can understand and see my issues, it would be most appreciated. It is like this morning, I was walking, and a thought came to me: I want to know who I am spiritually.
As to where to begin to find yourself, a good place to start would be to call your spirit back. We can lose parts of ourselves due to various sorts of trauma, and there are healing ways to get those parts back. To do this, I advise you to find a shamanic practitioner in your area who offers soul retrieval sessions. You can contact the Foundation for Shamanic Studies via the Internet for a listing of available practitioners near you, I would think.
When we give our power away to another and let them dictate how we should be, we believe their opinions and perceptions, rather than our own. In other words, we get confused because we are not in touch with our own decisions, inner guidance, or strength - who we really are. Confusion is an issue for you. I think the soul retrieval will help you a lot with this.
There is also an issue of disappointment showing up for you - my sense is that there is a belief going on that you were a disappointment to your mother - that she is/was disappointed in you in some way. This is a false belief, as we cannot make anyone else happy (even if they try to convince us of that). We are not responsible for their happiness, or unhappiness, although as children we can believe that we are. We are responsible ONLY for ourselves. We can create ONLY our own happiness or unhappiness, so no one can be disappointed due to anyone else. To think so is a misunderstanding of truth. I invite you to read The Laws of the Universe as often as needed, in order to become more familiar with these concepts.
Again, the issue of owning your own femininity shows up, which is you creating an inner, integrated feminine model for yourself which is positive and functional and clear. This inner feminine part gives one inner direction. Soul retrieval will also help with this. If your mother is not a good role model for what the true feminine essence really is, or she was threatening or too overbearing, or manipulating, or whatever else, then it makes sense that you would on some level reject and/or disconnect from that part within yourself. Re-creating and reconnecting to it in a positive way will definitely change things around for you for the better in many ways.
But remember, whatever we experience around others, we had to AGREE, on some level, whether conscious or otherwise, to allow it in our lives - we are the ones responsible for what we ALLOW in our lives. We are the ones who can choose not to experience something by simply saying, "No thank you. I do not choose to allow that in my life." And we walk away from it. That is the way we, as adults, set up healthy, non-harming boundaries for ourselves.
There is an issue of nervousness showing up for you as well. If you believe that you are not good enough, or that you are a disappointment and will constantly be criticized or attacked in some way, being nervous is a natural result of that. Sort of like being emotionally shell shocked.
I keep being shown that soul retrieval is the key for you. Make sure your practitioner does follow up/support work with you to fully allow the returned parts to become well integrated and functional once again. That is an important part of the work, and may require a few extra sessions.
It sounds as if you are really in a wonderful opening process, beginning to want to understand who you are, as you said, and what Spirit is. I suggest that you find a good meditation teacher and/or group in your area and begin to take classes. Meditation is the best way to discover who you are, as far as I am concerned. Also, it would be good to go to a good metaphysical bookstore and see what authors and what books or tapes pull you.
That is the best way I can think of to begin this journey of discovery - a very exciting time! When you go to choose a class, teacher, or any other piece of information, always ask the Universe/God/Spirit beforehand to guide you to what is of the Highest, Clearest vibration of God's Wisdom, Light and Love, for your Highest Good.
I hope that this has been useful information for you.