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"I put things off to the last minute - how can I change this?"
Hello Ayal, I chanced upon your website and was delighted to find the sort of wisdom I have been searching for. I took the liberty to read a few of the questions written by other soul-searchers, which I found very enlightening. So here's my question: Why do I procrastinate even though I am fully conscious of what I'm doing and know fully well the negative repercussions of procrastination? It seems like I get a high out of holding out until the last minute but this is causing me great stress. I don't seem to be able to break free from this malignant behavior. Perhaps it's a belief I have embedded within the folds of my psyche. I don't know. Perhaps you could help shed some light on this? I am at my wit's end.
Hi - your procrastination seems to have something to do with your being distrustful of something. It seems to also have to do with bringing more awareness to yourself of the healing power of words. I think that somewhere along the way, you found that someone used words or communicated with you in a way that was damaging or harmful to you. It may possibly have been a lover - you can tune into that and see if that was the case. Whoever it was, your second chakra is shut down in the back - that aspect that deals with the quantity of emotional and sexual energy you have. You lost your faith in relationships due to this - you lost your willingness to communicate openly and freely. Possibly there is some depression there as well due to this. Hence, when you procrastinate, or hold back, you feel safer. That may be the high you feel - that way you feel you have some control over what otherwise seems a threatening situation. All of this is showing up now as a lack of ambition in your life. The part of us that deals with communication is our inner feminine. Your inner feminine needs to be worked with and healed. I have written about how to do this in other letters, if you want to check out some of those. Meditation is a good way to do this. In meditation, you can also open up and heal your 2nd chakra. Imagine a beautiful orange light there, at that place in your back across from your pelvic area - and ask that that chakra be restored to perfect health and functioning. You may need to do this twice a day for a while. An Aura-Soma essence would be good for you to use. It is the turquoise pomander - it deals with creative communication from the heart, from the feeling side of our being. I often suggest people use an Aura-Soma product, but I have checked in with the person who offers these products, and she hasn't heard from many of those to whom I made this suggestion. I truly invite you to make use of this healing tool, as it is very powerful and gentle and will help you to get through this issue. You can order the turquoise pomander at this Aura-Soma site. It is important that the situation - in which the misuse of words was harmful to you - ends, so that you can move on and heal. Otherwise, you will continue to be in reaction to it, which means that you will continue to hold yourself back. That's what procrastination really is - a withholding of yourself and your own essence and creativity - for whatever reasons - usually protection. So, I invite you to meditate and see what you need to do to get out from under that situation. The first step may be to believe in yourself - to know who you are and your own worth - and not to ALLOW anyone else to suggest anything other than that to you. If you believe in yourself, you will not create others in your life telling you anything other than that - they can only be mirrors for what you believe about yourself. What DO you believe about yourself? Blessings and thanks for writing in and enjoying the site, Ayal
Dear Ayal, Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I appreciate it. I have been thinking about what you said and certainly agree that I may be trying to "protect" myself, however I believe it may not be from misuse of words, but rather from fear of failure. How does one deal with the fear of failing? How does one let go of scripts buried long in the crevices of the mind, and unblock the true gifts one carries? I would appreciate your thoughts on these. And lastly, do you conduct any healing and unblocking sessions that we can participate/attend? Your guidance on this would be most appreciated.
Hi - well, I think we are on the same page with this - fear of failure often is a result of someone somewhere telling you you're not up to it or good enough. And then you believe it. Or AGREE to believe it. You have to AGREE with what is said, agree to a belief, to make it happen. That's what the information on the misuse of words was referring to. How do you deal with a fear of failure? Well, you have to know who you really are - in other words, you delete from your inner programming any beliefs that are false - that tell you that you are anything other than God. "TRUST YOUR SOURCE!!" You are a divine aspect of Spirit - how can you fail? There is no such thing as Spirit, or God, failing, is there? There is only experience - we come here to learn and to play - does a child who is learning to walk "fail" if it falls down while it is learning? No. It's just fun. It's all about the journey - there is no goal, so, there is no failure. It's all about appreciating the journey and growing and learning as you go. Take a look at the section on changing a core belief in the Laws of the Universe at the beginning of this column. Play around with what beliefs you have about failure. Then, using the formula offered there, re-program those beliefs. As to my offering healing workshops or sessions - yes - we can arrange that if that is something you want to do. Let me know what you are thinking about. If you are close enough to come to where I am, that is best. Phone sessions are also a possibility. Very glad you find the web site a refuge and useful for you. Blessings, Ayal
 77. "Why am I holding on to a finished relationship?"
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