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"I want to be whole and gain a healthy self worth"

I would like to know what homeopathic remedies and flower essences would be helpful for me, and any other supplements as well. Also, I am working on being grounded and I know there is trauma in my past, but I have not accessed the memories and don't even know if I want to. I want to be whole, though. I want to be well. I desire freedom for myself, my loved ones, and my home from negative energies. Do I need to know what they are... like unclean spirits and such? What is the best way for me to break generational issues that hinder my spiritual growth without compromising my core values? How do I gain a healthy self worth without my self hindering the work with self sabotage? I look forward to your responses and am most grateful for your assistance. I am open for you to reveal anything that is helpful for me. Thank you for all the great stuff on this website.

Hi and thanks for writing in. I'm glad that you find the website beneficial.

Well, the first thing that jumps out at me in your letter is that you seem to be caught in a polarity. On the one hand, you voiced some concern about not wanting to find out about your issues. But then you expressed the opposite, that you want to know everything, it seems, all at once. It seems as if you're not sure which way you want to go, although there definitely was more energy expressed about wanting to be whole and healing what you need to. That's good that you want to heal.

When I tune into your letter, there feels to be a lot of confusion going on in general. There's no way to answer all of your questions, because what you are asking for are huge answers to the entire journey all at once. It doesn't work that way. One has to go a step at a time, like peeling off one layer of the onion at a time, until you build up a strong healing foundation. When you have peeled away enough, which can take many years of inner work and healing, then you can handle bigger and bigger chunks of energy. What you have asked for is like a first grader saying, now teach me everything I need to know up until 12th grade, right now. So, that's the first place we need to look at.

My suggestion to you is go one step at a time. Find ONE thing that you feel is your first priority, that stands out the most for you, and then write me to answer you about that.

If, for instance, you want to get your physical body in better shape, then we'll deal with supplements, etc.

If you want to deal with the trauma in your past that you're ready to face, then we'll deal with that.

If you want to see what one or two main generational or core issues are for you, then ask for that.

Separate these issues out, and go for one area that you want to work with and focus on.

One thing I can tell you - you're not dealing with "unclean spirits." There are some emotional issues to deal with and some mental thought patterns and some spiritual clarifications that you could benefit from. Mostly I think that you are dealing with some mental confusion and old thought forms that don't work well for you. However, I can't access it yet for you because there is too much confusion swirling around. When you write me back with one area you want to focus on, I think that then we can get some answers.

I can tell you that some issues of some disconnect are showing up for you from experiences both in the womb and in early childhood. So, this may be an area you want to focus on - to see what that was and how to go about dealing with it. Perhaps you can start observing if you feel this sense of being disconnected as you go about your day. You could start to explore and observe this, and see how you feel and what presents itself to you. In what ways do you feel disconnected, and how does that appear in your life?

To answer one of your questions, the only core beliefs or generational issues one has to transform or release are the ones that don't work for your Highest Good. So, how would transforming them compromise your core values? If your core values are in good shape, and fill you with positive energy, you don't need to change them. If the generational issues aren't for your highest good, they won't have anything to do with your core values. The two are totally different things. That's like saying, how do I wash away some dirt on my skin without washing away my skin.

Blessings, Ayal

Thanks for your response... I see what you mean about the questions and actually had that thought after I sent them that I should have focused on one area. I would like insight on healing the disconnect feelings that may stem from the womb and early childhood. When I was two years old I fell out of a moving car and was flown to another city for medical treatment. I have a pin in my elbow from a broken arm because of the incident, but do not know of any other injuries, although, doing some energy healing work has shown different physical injuries that I think may be related to the fall out of the car. I believe there may have been sexual abuse, and those are the memories I have not accessed (and would rather not if I didn't need to), but I have had the behavioral and psychological results of someone who may have been abused (another family member, my sister, has the memories of being abused by an uncle). I believe my mother may have dealt with depression, anger, and unforgiveness and I deal with feelings of rejection and fear. I have trouble forming lasting intimate relationships and I would love to be able to truly connect with God. Hopefully, this is not too much at once. I appreciate your help.

Well, it IS important, but only when you are ready, to access the memories of any abuse so that you can bring it up out of the darkness of the unconscious and into the light of day. Then you can deal with it and heal it. So, if you are ready, when you are ready, have a good support system in place - a women's group and/or a good counselor you can process it with to begin your journey of healing. In fact, joining such a group now would be a good thing for you whether or not you have the memories surface yet, as it will connect you in a meaningful way to other women. Since your mom was not there for you, due to her own stuff going on, connecting to other women in a safe space would be very healing for you.

Falling out of a car when you were little would have been a core trauma that would impact your life on all levels - first of all, a child would make a meaning from that that you were not being watched over and protected by those who are supposed to be loving you and doing so - so right there are issues of rejection, being disconnected, and betrayal. That you are not worth enough to be taken care of. Abuse, also, deals with this same issue. So, how surprised would you be to see that you came into this life with this belief, this issue to be healed?

You are needing to transform feelings of insecurity into confidence, personal integrity, and power. Strength is the ability to draw from the hurt or grief we have in order to find whatever wisdom has come out of the injury to empower you - to see how it has become part of your Sacred Contract. In other words, when you see what your soul came in to do this time around - you gain power and transform any beliefs of being a victim. You learn forgiveness... because you realize that no one did anything to you that your soul hadn't written into the script of your life. This is all about 1st chakra, or tribal energy, our roots - the ultimate lesson of the 1st chakra is that we must shift our faith in order to see that things that happen in our lives are not unjust or that we are victims - but that they are Divinely ordered - we need to be able to see the bigger picture, the Divine Plan - what we have chosen to experience in order to learn and grow. I invite you to read about 1st chakra stuff in Caroline Myss's book, 'Anatomy of the Spirit'. It's a great book.

Love and hatred and still mixed up for you, (4th chakra - heart issues ). But when you start to get the bigger picture, this begins to heal and unravel itself, then reorganizing itself into more clarity, and you will gain greater integrity and wisdom. So, an extremely important question to always ask oneself is:

"What is the brilliance and purpose of my soul having created this?"
This opens you to receive deeper inspiration and insights, as well as personal power and integrity. You can also say:
"I am open to receiving guidance about my own contribution to whatever rejection, disappointment, helplessness, insecurity, etc, I feel. Thank you."
Then, tune in, and see what you get.

Check into issues of helplessness - as you self empower yourself, you will begin to get that you generate power from within yourself. People who have experienced abuse most always have issues of feeling small and helpless - they deeply believe that they are powerless to take care of themselves since they felt overpowered by others. When you take responsibility for having created whatever you experienced in your life, that is power - you can only let go of something that you have claimed to be yours, as belonging to you, in the first place. So you see, if you do not face and confront this in yourself, how can you heal it - let it go - and thereby gain any personal sense of your own ability and power? And if you don't see that in yourself, seeing yourself and your power as a spark of the Divine essence, how can you feel that in God/Spirit, or feel connected to it? You would still be relating to it as something OUTSIDE of you that has power OVER you, and is therefore frightening. Relationships in general will feel that way to you - overpowering and frightening, until you gain your own sense of inner authority, can create positive boundaries for yourself, and know yourself to be deserving of all good things.

I invite you to say the following, 2 times a day for the next 2 weeks:

"Archangel Michael, I call upon you now. Please cut the cords of fear that are draining my energy and vitality. (Or, from _____________). Thank you."
Begin to cultivate a new relationship with Mother Earth. Nature is a very comforting and deeply healing source of energy - it gives us that Mother energy that many of us did not receive as children. Allow yourself to be strengthened and empowered by this relationship - come to intimately know Mother Earth as a Loving Being. Spend as much alone time out in nature as you can, and breathe in that energy of strength and comfort, connection, and relating.

Also, doing this exercise will be very useful for you:

Feeling good is an ability. It is like a muscles, the more you use it, the stronger it will become. You either use it or lose it. Unfortunately, the majority of people today have forgotten how to use this powerful ability. The quality of your life will increase dramatically, you will have more energy, and live a life of greater fulfillment. Start with a ten-day commitment, use this for ten days, and see how your life will change. After ten days, you decide to keep using it or not.

Flip Switch
Although we know the importance of feeling good, most of the time in daily life we forget about it. We are so busy at dealing with the "important matters" we meet every day, and we forget the more important matter: "To feel good and live a stress free life." At the moment we realize it, we are already in a deep state of negativity. The solution is to do a "Flip Switch" throughout the day.

To do the Flip Switch, you hold in mind a positive image, a moment from the past that you felt really good, or just an imagined event that makes you feel good. Hold it for a few seconds. At the moment you do your Flip Switch, it will cancel out all the previous negative emotions. The key is to do it often. Don't wait until your negative emotions get big and dominate your thoughts. Kill the monster when it is little.

Do this exercise throughout the day and you will see the changes in your life simultaneously. I can't stress enough how powerful this exercise is; try it out yourself. Some people find it is hard to hold an image - my answer to them is just to pretend that you see. The importance is not how clearly you see, but how strongly you feel. The idea of Flip Switch comes from Dr Robert Anthony.

That's enough for now.

Blessings, Ayal

464. "It's hard for me to make up my mind and to be confident about relationships"

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