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"Why won't the pain in my arm and upper back go away?"
I have been having a problem with severe pain and burning in my right arm, hand, fingers, wrist and upper back (all on the right side of my body) that started in April of this year. This condition forced me to take a leave of absence from Massage Therapy School. I have been seeing a chiropractor since August and he said that my back muscle is so tight that it is pulling my neck vertebrae out of place and the nerves that go to my arm are being pinched and irritated. I have been getting light physical therapy and my neck readjusted every doctor visit. In the last couple of months the pain in my arm and upper back had diminished a great deal and I thought that I was on the road to recovery. However, about two weeks ago the pain and burning sensation came back full force and my right side is painful to the touch, muscles and all. The pain is absolutely terrible. I've tried medication, heat, exercises and chiropractor visits but it doesn't seem like the pain is going anywhere or wants to go anywhere. It feels as though my right side is on fire. I'm so frustrated I tried asking the pain, what do you want? Why won't you go away? Could you shed some insight on this situation? For example is there a reason for the pain and burning? Is it pent-up energy being released? Is there something that I need to know or change? Is it trying to tell me something? I really need to heal this condition. It seems as though I always have physical issues with the right side of my body. What things can I do to heal myself? I'm concerned because I am supposed to return to Massage Therapy school next month.
Hi - upon asking what the core issue is behind these difficulties for you, what came up was "denying the self life, extreme fear, self hatred, and self rejection." Since the problems are right sided, what that says to me is that these issues are tied into the masculine side of yourself. What I would invite you to do is explore issues with the father - take a look at your relationship with him and take a look at his own issues and difficulties. He is a mirror for how you feel about yourself - how the male part of you, or, in Jungian terms, your animus, I think it is, is doing. The male aspect in our culture has been very wounded for generations, and that energy gets passed down to the next generation unless it is transformed in each individual through their own inner work. There is so much competition in the male world - of ego thinking, believing it has to be in battle with other egos (this can go all the way back to prehistoric times), and therefore men, and women too, relate that way to one another and to the world - not as loving soul to loving soul, but as ego against ego. Check out also the issue of wanting to quit and how that shows up for you - and issues of being deserted - one would come from the other - - see where this has played out in your life and in your family or father's issues. But remember, even if your family carries it, it's all a mirror for your own stuff. When we don't love ourselves, we have "deserted ourselves". Going along with this is the need to surrender - to let things happen rather then trying to MAKE things happen. To trust the process of life, in other words. To trust Spirit, Life, etc., which is the same thing ultimately, as trusting yourself. On the physical side of things, if you haven't done so already, you need to have some blood work done and get checked out in that area. But the physical manifestations, although they must be healed and dealt with, are only finally a culmination of a lifetime of believing and living from misconceptions, or untruths, from these dysfunctional issues. A lot of these issues can be found in the 1st chakra, or tribal chakra, so they have, as I said, been in the family a long time. Check out the book, 'Anatomy of the Spirit', by Caroline Myss, and explore the 1st chakra information - see what comes up for you. I think that you will find big issues around fear and anxiety. Perhaps issues around feeling good enough and able to take care of oneself, to be able to feel one is able enough, deserving enough to survive and get one's needs met. It is all about the commitment to love oneself - the ability to love oneself. To do this, you need to explore your connection with Spirit... Are you able to truly feel that merging with and connection to Spirit that is beyond the ego? Beyond fears? That is just pure love? If not, explore this, and see if you can feel it and get to it in meditation. Practice that merging and feeling that love as often as you can, and from that place, when in it, ask to be healed, and allow yourself to feel whole and well and loved. Stay in a place of gratitude throughout the day, as much as you can, for the easy transformation and healing and health that is occurring within you rather then focusing on what is wrong. That, again, focusing on what is wrong, is fear, or coming from ego. It is a misconception, and the more you focus on what's wrong, the more you create things being wrong, because what you focus on is what you get. That's how the Law of Attraction and the Universe works. You attract what you most focus on, or think about. That is why it is so important to find the old beliefs and see what you think about, how you think about things, a lot of the time. To offset this distorted energy, it would be good for you to participate in some high level women's workshops and circles, where the women are clear and compassionate and have discovered that peace and balance within themselves - or at least that is what they are aware of as being needed and what they are focusing on and developing within. Immerse yourself in that energy as much as you can. You are needing to find these old dysfunctional patterns of energy within yourself so that they can be transformed into a higher vibration of truth and love and light. Right now, your inner being and your outer being are out of alignment. It will be very important for you to develop gentleness and kindness. especially toward yourself. What you need to know is that: "It is safe to be me. I am wonderful just as I am. I choose to live. I choose joy and self acceptance."That's plenty to work on for now, Blessings! Ayal
 445. "I know I must 'do' something to change my life - but what?"
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