"I know I must 'do' something to change my life - but what?"
Dear Ayal, I wrote to you a couple of years ago... you helped me to look more closely at my own beliefs and behaviors and how they were affecting others in my life. I've looked at your site since then, but I had consciously decided not to write with more questions, as I felt I already 'knew' the answers on some level and would rather nurture my own knowing. But here I am again.
My body is telling me something. I had a couple of 'emergency' surgeries for cyst removals in my reproductive area (left side), and the doctors can't seem to figure out why the swelling keeps coming back at such a rapid pace. I believe this problem was dormant for years and is starting to manifest more now. I've also been having bladder problems.
I know it is my body speaking to me, and while I have some ideas of what it is trying to tell me, I get to a point where it's like I am hitting a brick wall. I'm at the point where I've analyzed the situation so thorougly (it seems), that I know I must 'do' something to change my life. And this is where I get stuck. It really feels like my mind goes blank once I get to this point in my self-exploration. I feel that I could go in many different directions, but I don't know which one to choose, so I remain where I am. Stuck, frustrated, immobilized... and knowing I'm the only one responsible to change it all. I'm feeling extremely unfulfilled in my job, but I'm afraid to start something new. I feel overwhelmed; 'don't know' where to start. I'm presently in a relationship in which I'm happy, but I also I have a fear of 'losing' this, and that too is creating great anxiety for me. I think I may be losing myself in this relationship and I would like to know how I can be m! ore balanced and self-loving. I also believe I am sabotaging this relationship because I don't feel worthy of this good thing.
I often feel ungrounded and unsure/unworthy of my 'place' in this world. I'm hoping you have some guidance for me. Thank you for your time and energy.
Well, I'm glad that you wrote in. It's great that you want to foster and nurture your own knowing, AND it is also OK and a good thing at the appropriate time to reach out to ask for help and support when it is needed. That's why there is more then just one person on the planet. We're all here to play a part in the story for one another at a particular moment- to be instruments that Spirit works through to manifest answers to prayers.
Let's deal with the cyst issues first. Since it's on the left side, or female side, and it's also in the female reproductive organs, what I am being told is that this is an issue for you of feeling helpless and defenseless. That may also be why you resist, somewhat, reaching out, and wanting to do it on your own, as you are aware on some level of not wanting to feel helpless. OK. This issue also deals with the feeling or belief that "nobody cares". It is, as you yourself saw, an issue of not feeling good enough. I am getting that there is some guilt going on, but I'm not getting that there was any physical abuse here necessarily, but that there was some mental abuse. What do you know about that? Does that ring any bells? Maybe from the father? Did he play favorites among his children? If so, this easily can lead to feelings of not being good enough and a sense of inferiority. Check into whether there are issues of love and hatred all mixed up together ( which also creates guilt) around your father with this, which would makes sense if you have fear about relationships, trusting being in them, and/or losing yourself. This needs to be explored, healed, and released.
A good prayer to say around this would be:
"Dear Guardian Angels of _________. My heart is heavy with hurt, anger, and guilt. I ask your help and guidance. Please talk with ________ and help him to understand me better. Please help us get past our pride, fears, wounds, past history, and egos, and to express appropriate love for one another. I ask your help in bringing peace to this situation. Thank you."To heal any situation, one must clearly and powerfully think about it, see it AND feel it - how you chose for it to be - to live in and from that energy, not allowing any other outcome but the one you want and choose to create. This is using your mental discipline, and offsets that helplessness you feel. If you haven't seen the movie ( it's out in DVD form), The Secret yet, buy it and watch it often. It's a huge, powerful energy on the planet available now, and it is great to watch and will shoot you forward with this ability to create what you want, in every aspect of your life and health.
Your nervous system is feeling a bit shot right now and in need of some support. You need to check into the possibility of allergies causing some of this distress in your body also. I am getting that it would be really good for you to do a couple of sessions with a very good healer I have worked with over the years. If you are interested, write me, and I'll give you her name and number and how to reach her.
You are needing to understand more completely and deeply that you CAN heal yourself. If you are feeling helpless and defenseless, then it makes sense that you would not have that trust in yourself to be able to know that you can take care of yourself. This needs to be developed and gotten in touch with. There is a need to lose interest in judging yourself.
A great affirmation or intention for you to start using is the following:
"I am grateful for the graceful and easy transformation to perfect health that is occurring in my body, and all parts of myself, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Thank you."Also, this prayer is showing up for you:
"Dear God, I ask that you help me develop and nurture healthy friendships. Please help me attract loving, thoughtful, loyal, light-filled, clear, truthful, wonderful, beneficial, and healthy friends. Please help me overcome any shyness, woundedness, or fears, and to be a good, clear friend in return. Please teach me how to be loyal, giving, and trustworthy, trusting myself and creating trustworthy relationships with my friends and relations. I now call upon the guardian angels of some wonderful new friends to bring us together and ask that You also bring my new friends, and my own deep inner trust to me. Thank you."
This is a great technique for you to practice throughout the day to help you move into that place of knowing and trusting your power.
To do the Flip Switch, you hold in mind a positive image, a moment from the past that you felt really good, or just an imagined event that makes you feel good. Hold it for a few seconds. At the moment you do your Flip Switch, it will cancel out all the previous negative emotions. The key is to do it often. Don't wait until your negative emotions get big and dominate your thoughts. Kill the monster when it is little.
Do this exercise throughout the day and you will see the changes in your life simultaneously. I can't stress enough how powerful this exercise is; try it out yourself. Some people find it is hard to hold an image - my answer to them is just to pretend that you see. The importance is not how clearly you see, but how strongly you feel. The idea of Flip Switch comes from Dr Robert Anthony. To get more detailed instructions and other powerful techniques, check out his programs here.
I think that this is enough for now.
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