"How can I get rid of anxiety which is preventing me from moving forwards?"
I stumbled across your website after looking at something totally unrelated but really glad I felt guided into your site for a good nosey around! :)
I absolutely love the way in which you express yourself and the helpful, enlightening information which is provided for people. I really have enjoyed reading the question and answers that you have on your website, it is really helpful and what I find so comforting and helpful is the fact that you allow with the permission of the querent their insights to be shown globally as I feel this really does help other people and comfort them like myself. - I think it's truly wonderful to share thoughts, experiences and problems etc...... anyway I'd better get on and try and ask my question!! :0)
I wont go into it too deeply as like many others there is rather a lot of stuff! and I wouldn't want to confuse issues any further!
Basically I have had anxiety, panic attacks and all sorts of physical ailments to go along with it (psychosomatic effect!) my main problem is a balance problem I have had for about 3 years and had anxiety for 5 years following a lot of traumatic (life threatening experiences throughout my life) I have just turned 32 yrs 2 weeks ago. I have been to a lot of therapists, counsellors, and currently seeing a hypnotherapist/psychotherapist which I have had that treatment before but to no avail, at the moment I think I may slowly be making headway as I am a spiritual medium and have done readings in the past and attended my spiritualist church for about 15 yrs now. I know I have had issues with grounding/protecting myself etc taking on everybody else's energies etc! - I have at the same place I am having treatment now had spiritual healing (Kundalini) to close down my chakras (last week) and I feel a lot more steadier! however, I am still going through the healing crisis I believe at the moment. I have stopped doing my spiritual work for the time being to get myself well as I have felt so ill and overwhelmed for the last 5 years and haven't been able to work. I am wanting to finish designing my website to start a spiritual business as i really don't want to work for anybody else (well that isn't spiritual anyway! :)
I have gathered a lot of knowledge since I became unwell with anxiety and I know that I am going through all this for a very good reason and I believe to help others etc... my philosophy on life and death! is not much dissimilar to yours from what I have read on here. Although it seems that everything I read on spiritual topics, philosophies and metaphysics etc. at the time of reading I can totally resonate with it and understand it completely but once I walk away from it, I either forget what was said or no longer can hold the information! What is that all about?? as when I'm reading it I am totally in tune with it and feel that I have the inner knowing already whilst reading it??
Anyway, I basically feel lost and not entirely sure what I am meant to be doing and how to get rid of this anxiety which is preventing me from moving forwards... I seem to have a lot of ideas and feel excited at moving closer to doing my own spiritual work but when it comes down to it, I tend to have mental blockages as I do not know how to run things although i am determined to do it anyway! :) I am also unsettled because throughout my life I have had some bad relationships and I have never really found home, I always seem to be living with someone and then that relationship has to be ended because i know it's no good for me and I keep going back to my parents (we are a close family) my elder sister is still at home and my younger brother has finished uni and has gone back home, I split with my ex who lives in a different county (where I felt very vulnerable) now I'm back to my parents but living almost with my friend of whom I have become close and met him at my spiritualist church... he's very supportive and I help him with his spiritual work as he's new to it... but I still don't know where home is? because I am not working, I don't have the money to find my own place or even rent anywhere and can't work because of my anxiety? catch 22 !!! - I just want to be settled in my own lovely spiritual, tranquil home where I feel save and protected with the person I am meant to be with running my own spiritual sanctuary helping others and having my family around me as well as future family :) (eventually!) it's too squashed at my parents and not fair on them also.
I am just lost and not sure where I am meant to be?... I just keep on plodding along! :)
So sorry for the ramblings!!!!
Keep up the very good work with your service to others, i would love to do this sort of thing myself at some point, although a lot of my readings tend to end up where I am counselling people, which I don't mind at all :)
Ayal I really hope you could shed some light on my ramblings!!!
Love & Light
Hi. OK. Well, let's see where this takes us.
The first thing that is showing up for you is that you need some spinal work and adjustments. My invitation is find a good chiropractor if you don't have one already, and get going on this. The spine deals all about support and supporting oneself, and trusting that you can do so, and you need to be dealing with this issue on all levels.
Also, getting some shiatsu sessions, at least 10 of them in a 4 week period, would be great for you - all about balance, as well as deep healing.
Also, because you have been so stressed out, you need to get your acid/alkaline balance back in your body. Look this up on the net to see what you need to do to regain this balance. A lot of what you are seeming to need to do here is get your physical body back in balance. I think this will help with some of these other issues you are having.
Check also into taking the supplement DHEA for women. You can get this at any health food store.
There is a healing technique that would be beneficial for you that you can do on your own, as well. It is called: 'Join with the unlike/ slide into place.' What you do with this is see/ feel what in yourself is out of phase with your opposite. For example: "I'm fat/ I want to be thin." Both halves are part of you and need to be merged. Imagine that there are two pieces of 35mm film, each with one of the two opposite images of you. See them sliding into place on top of each other, so that now they are lined up perfectly. Then, allow them to merge, creating a new wholeness. Feel what that feels like in your body.... and allow it to integrate and become you. I'd do this exercise using whatever it is that you need to heal, 3 times within a 2 week period. Use one issue at a time, in other words, over a 2 week period.
This issue is also showing up for you. Read the following and spend some time seeing how what is shared here relates to your anxiety and other issues you mentioned:
Thrusting Position - Pelvic block against softness: issues of assertion.
The traditional psychoanalytic name for this position is 'phallic', which comes from the Greek word for 'penis'. In many ways this is seriously misleading, since what is being described is a quality shared equally by girls and boys, though with different effects on the adult character. It arises from the widespread sexist attitude that only those with penises can, or should, thrust.
Once children have developed some sense of holding themselves up and grounding through the buttocks and backs of the legs, they can start literally and symbolically pushing themselves forward. As mobility develops, so does the need for recognition and praise, the desire to assert yourself, to take up space, to show off. Direct sexual exhibitionism is very much part of this: children of four or five are sexual beings, often very hotly so, and need acknowledgement especially from their parents, on whom such feelings will largely be focused. More generally, there is the need to have a say in things, to have some sense of power and autonomy: bed-times, TV, playing outside are all typical opportunities for assertion.
What so often happens is that adults treat this natural and healthy assertiveness as 'badness', 'willfulness', 'impudence'. There may even be a conscious intention to crush and overpower the child's will, to frighten it into submission. The classic form of this happens when the father is himself locked into a thrusting position, so that he sees any assertiveness and independence on the part of his children as a threat to his identity, and reacts with physical or emotional violence, the belt or the vicious put-down.
In this situation the child will generally submit - there is little alternative. But built into their character from then on will be a quality of hatred and revenge that subtly flavors everything they do. A 'yearning thrusting' character will, as an adult, be competitive, pushy, achievement-oriented - a career man or woman.
This is most often a middle-class position; working class people who are unable to use their angry energy for worldly success throw their weight around on the domestic, social and sexual fronts instead, or become involved in the machismo of the underworld. Many of these attitudes are strongly encouraged in our culture, primarily in men; thus they are transmitted to the next generation, as a compulsively thrusting and authoritarian parent represses their child's independence and sets them up for the same script.
The ability to push and thrust with the pelvis - in a soft and feeling way - is essential to satisfying sex for both women and men; and the corresponding life capacity is equally important In the thrusting-block character position, there is an overlay of hate and fear in such pelvic movement, a fear of collapse (in the face of adult power), leading to an attitude which Reich called 'genital revenge'. If the person is a man, then they may be a rapist, overt or indirect, if a woman, what men call a 'ballbreaker', using sex to humiliate (though men often use this label to attack any woman who scares them with her healthy sexual assertiveness). The soft easy thrust becomes a violent harsh movement - 'screwing'.
Sexually speaking, the yearning thruster will be a Don Juan character who uses sex to 'score'- for conquest and ego satisfaction rather than pleasure and melting contact. Similar attitudes will color their attitude to life in general - enjoyment takes second place to status. Our culture tends actively to encourage such distortions in men, to the extent of seeing them as intrinsically manly, macho, butch. A woman or girl who shows such traits will often be met with disapproval and invalidation ('tomboy', 'unfeminine') even though the thrusting may be entirely healthy, the natural urge for assertiveness and achievement.
The body type that goes with the thrusting character is quite highly rated in our society: it tends to be large, well-muscled, energetic, athletic - at any rate in milder versions of the block. The stronger the block, the more the body tends to be rigid, musclebound and overcharged. Someone who denies their need to thrust will necessarily have a rigid body and character, often sex-negative, self-righteous and moralistic. This is a different strategy for genital revenge - 'stamp out this menace!' The absence of pleasure is even clearer with these compulsively 'good' people. Thrusting characters often suffer from 'stress-related ailments', because they put themselves through so much stress.
The creative side of the thrusting character is its energy, drive, courage, physical and mental elan; its willpower and discipline. The distortions stem from insecurity, from the fear of being smashed down which is hidden under an exaggerated 'strength', able to brook no equals, let alone 'superiors'. In its obsession with rank, pecking order, competition, and in its assumption that every situation must involve a winner and loser, the thrusting block is clearly a central factor in patriarchal society.
Person B stands on a chair; person A stands looking up at them, legs braced stiffly, jaw stuck out, chest stuck out, fists clenched. Use your breath to puff yourself up. A says things like 'No', 'I won't'; B says 'Oh yes you will', 'You better had', 'Do what 1 tell you', etc. After a while, make contact and reverse.
Your second chakra is what deals with this issue, and it needs to be clear and open. Read about the 2nd chakra if you need to, in the article listed at the end of the home page on the clearing the Way site.
Half of your anxiety is coming from an inability to deal with necessary losses....dealing with necessary losses is part of everyone's journey in life. Although we feel physical and emotional pain, our spiritual purpose is to become aware of the reasons of such events - or to create meaning out of them, converting the actual experience into its symbolic purpose. I think this inability you have had thus far to deal with loss is why you, and perhaps your brothers and sisters as well, have returned home....you are seeking safety from loss by remaining children whose parents continue to take care of them - but everyone must find that safety from within themselves. Sounds to me as if you need to find out about this terror you feel, that you felt as a child, come face to face with it, and allow yourself to just feel it and then you will be able to release it.
The other half of your anxiety seems to be coming from some event that took place when you were around the age of 4-5. Do you recall what that was? If not, I invite you to sit in meditation and ask for it to be shown to you so that you can begin to deal with it. You need to be practicing introspection.
This lack of ability to trust life has led to some energetic disorders for you.. Perhaps to compensate for this fear, you have taken on what is called "excessive responsibility". That would make anyone ill or anxious. That is interesting, because you are also trying to get out of that by being a child and living at home and not taking care of yourself. These are 2 opposites that you can work with in the technique mentioned above. Neither one of these is balanced - both are strategies to try to deal with intense fear and safety issues. 1st chakra stuff - what was your home situation like growing up? Were there issues of group security and lack of safety? To find your own inner home, where you feel safe from the inside out, these issues need to be explored and healed.
RESPONSIBILITY IS THE ABILITY TO fulfill ONE'S NEEDS AND TO DO SO IN A WAY THAT DOES NOT HARM ONESELF OR DEPRIVE OTHERS OF THE ABILITY TO fulfill THEIR NEEDS. RESPONSIBILITY IS THE ABILITY TO BE WHO YOU ARE IN YOUR FULLNESS.
I think that you have taken on energy from others in doing this healing work, especially since you have an issue of excessive responsibility and not having home within yourself, along with an issue of not really trusting life - which means Spirit as well as yourself - so, to help release that energy, I invite you to say the following, 2 times in a 2 day period:
To heal the effects of a psychic attack: