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Clearing the Way

"I've tried everything but can't get unstuck so that I can participate in life again"

Hi Ayal,

Before my question let me describe my situation. I am stuck and have been this way for a long time now (approximately 6 years). Normally my life (mostly based around career) was in the 'flow' but somehow the flow stopped. When ever a job felt like it was coming to an end another opportunity would appear and off i would go. This last time however, nothing appeared and this state of 'stuckness' developed and has been my life ever since.

In addition to this ending of flow, my whole world collapsed. I quit work, sold the house, got divorced, walked away from family and friends. I know this sounds harsh, but I feel that it was the right thing to do and i still don't feel like going back to some of those things.

Being in this state is difficult, not only because i yearn to get back into that state of flow, but more importantly everything seems so much more difficult to do. The simplest of things can get delayed or are just plain blocked from happening.

The one positive thing is the incredible journey I've taken to find the solution to getting back to the flow. I say positive although since I'm still stuck it is really bitter sweet.

Heres a summary of what I've done to date:

Have read as much as I can about spirituality, metaphysics, God etc. Caroline Myss books Conversation with God, A course in Miracles, and Seth Books to mention only a few. So many books I don't even remember the titles anymore.

Took the Silva Mind Control seminar. Have gone to countless psychics. Tried past live regression. Tried Reki. Gone to psychologists. Have been prescribed anti-depressants (I'm depressed at times because life is at a stand still). Tried Life coaching. Tried working to open chakras. Developed the presents of Now thru Eckart Tolle... I could go on and on, but it seems that nothing has done the trick. I have certainly learned a lot, but I just can't seem to get unstuck so I can participate in life again.

So now the big question, any ideas as to what is going on here and what can I do?


Hi - Well, what is first showing up for you is that you are caught in the victim/dominator pattern. There is a deep fear that you need to confront, and it has to do with the individual's right to make their own choices to create resolution. A victim doesn't make choices, because they think they are powerless. A victim rather thinks that things "happen" to them and doesn't see that things happen to them due to the choices THEY make. So, what all of this seems to mean is that I think you are afraid that you make the wrong choices. You don't trust yourself, in other words. And due to that fear, in a sense you've become paralyzed, or stuck, as you put it, because you don't really make any choices with true power behind them. So, even though it seems to you that you are making choices, somewhere in there you don't trust yourself to make the right ones. So, your choices don't pack a punch, so to speak - they aren't strong enough to really carry you along or, as you put it, get you in the flow. You're wanting to go with the flow, and be in the flow, but to be in the flow, you have to make strong, with-power-behind-them choices. You must employ Acts of Power, in other words, that come from the right place within you. The place of believing whole heartedly in yourself.

How often have you heard comments such as, "My manager is such a jerk. No wonder I am having trouble doing my job." Or, "Don't blame me. I didn't make that decision!" A fear of being blamed for making a decision or taking a chance or taking a stand could be at the root of your feeling stuck.

We all have things in our lives that are not going as well as we would like. We create these conflict/resolution scenarios for a reason. Life seemingly throws us curve balls because then we have the great opportunity to figure out the best way to deal with them - we have to figure out how to get to where we want to go - and therefore we have to grow inside of ourselves what it takes for us to get there. That is one big way we set it up for ourselves to grow in strength of character and develop our spiritual muscles. Some people defer to curve balls. They remove themselves from the batter's box and wait for a pitch they like better. Meanwhile, life continues on, and after a while these people find themselves still standing outside the batter's box feeling stuck and stalled in their life.

So, some important questions to ask yourself are:

Am I afraid to step up to the plate and give that curve ball my best shot?
What do I fear will happen if I do?
What do I think will happen if I miss?
How will I feel about myself if I miss the ball?
What does this say about how I view myself?
What is my biggest fear about myself?
Realize that you are the only one who can truly take charge of the situation. What would it take for you to hit that ball? You might not hit the first few pitches. But eventually, with practice, you will get your timing, and you will start knocking those balls out of the park. You will begin to see that the more you step into your life, the less stuck you will feel. We all are beginners with every step we take, because every step we take is NEW. There is a saying that goes: "In the life of the Spirit, we are always at the beginning." So, to be afraid to miss the ball and therefore never try is unrealistic and doesn't work for our lives to move forward - we all miss the ball - but that's just part of the process to mastering life. Babies fall down many times before they finally are able to walk, right? What would happen if that baby never tried to walk because it was afraid of others thinking it was no good, or if it thought it was a failure because it fell down before it got the hang of it? What if that baby felt so ashamed of itself for being a beginner that it never got up and tried to walk again? Is that shame even true? No. Learning as we go is just part of the deal - an important and necessary and intrinsic part of the journey. That's how we create something new for ourselves. The baby who enjoys the process of learning and laughs when it falls is the one who gets up again to gather the strength it needs to make it across the room.

Plus it has fun along the way. That's true inner power. True vulnerability isn't being weak - it means that we have so much inner strength that we laughingly and lovingly accept where we're at - we know that we are all beginners, and we accept that with grace and humor and self acceptance - without judgment- and we proceed without shame but from the eager willingness to continue to learn.

We all must practice and take baby steps, and learn as we go. If we are afraid of failing, we won't take the chance to succeed or take the risk to develop our muscles. Are you afraid that if you try something, and it seems that you're not so good at it, that this will prove to you your biggest fear - that you're actually a loser or no good? Where did that belief come from, if that rings true for you? Were you punished or dominated or put down in your family for not being what they wanted you to be, according to their tribal or family standards or prejudices? Do you have a belief from those early years that you can't provide for life's necessities or take care of yourself? ( 1st chakra stuff). If so, those early childhood fears and traumas and false conclusions about yourself need to be released, and your own true acceptance and knowledge off WHO YOU ARE put in its place.

So, who ARE you, really?

You said that you left family and friends behind. Well, often this can be the right course, if you have grown and moved on to a different vibration, and they have not. But often it can also be you stepping out of your life because YOU don't think, deep down, that you have what it takes to handle it. It is important to be willing to meet yourself head on, honestly, and confront what you need to confront in yourself - to face your fears, meet life's challenges, and say "YES" to life.

It is important to see what beliefs you hold about yourself that stop you from feeling loved or valued or powerful. This is all about what you believe about yourself, not what you think others believe about you. Often we project what we feel about ourselves onto another, thinking that is what they think about us. But in fact, it's what we think or feel about ourselves. Once you recognize this, and claim it, you can heal it.

Hope this sheds some light for you.

Many blessings, Ayal

417. "I don't get much emotional support - how can I best give myself love?"

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