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"I'm feeling a lot of anger and fear that I don't know how to let go"

Hello Ayal,

I want to thank you for having a very interesting website. I really appreciate the insight that you have, and I hope you can help me. I try very hard to help myself by doing a lot of reading. I feel I recognize my spiritual path. I don't know if I have a specific question for you. It is just that I am recognizing that I am feeling a lot of anger, some rage and a lot of fear. I don't know how to let go. I am very eager to heal it. I also feel as worthy as other people. Something that has helped me in the past is Kundalini Yoga. I have been interested in becoming a Kundalini Yoga Teacher. I don't know if you are familiar with this yoga, but in the past it has helped me emotionally. It is also a very helpful yoga for balancing out my chakras. I have doubts that I shouldn't do it because I am afraid the people close to me in my life will think I am weird. The teachers training is very expensive, and it doesn't really bother me at this point, but I am afraid that if I end up havi! ng high expectations of how great the yoga training will be, and it fails to meet my expectations, I will become very angry at myself. I was wondering if you would have any insight. I am aware that I hold onto a lot of unfortunate beliefs about myself, and I want to realize them, but I don't know what the best way is. Thank you for your time.

Hi - well, a couple of major issues kept showing up, and the first one to deal with is your heart. One thing you need to do in this regard is to release any and all hatred toward a friend which you are holding in the muscles. It will really be important for you to release this. One way to do that is to inhale, tense the muscles in your entire body all at once, and then exhale and release. As you do this, imagine that you are gathering up all the hatred and anger you feel, and then see it releasing as you exhale and release the contraction of the muscles. I'd invite you to do this 3 times a day for the next 2 years. As you do this exercise, ask for a different frequency to be placed in your heart- a beautiful, clear vibration of Divine Love and Peace.

Also, work with the heart point found on the sole of the left foot, 1/3-1/4 of way down on the little toe side, pretty much directly under the little toe. Rub and deeply press this point, massaging it - it ought to be sore and tender, for 1 minute, twice a day for 2 years.

There are some Past Life issues that tie into this need to elevate and evolve your heart energy. In this life, you have the ability to clear debts from past life karma by self initiated channels of service. Working with those limited or afflicted would be fulfilling and integrative for you. Your challenge this time around is to develop positive and uplifting emotions. In other lifetimes, negativity brought on disharmony and disease in the physical body. In this lifetime, helping others brings on a new and happier outlook for you, which is the way to find fulfillment and peace of mind.

Due to this heart issue, you may have been or still may be prone to respiratory illness, and coughs. As you clear the tension and disturbances in your heart, you will in all likelihood see this clear up more, as well.

There are issues for you of feeling dumped or rejected by your family, deprived of their love and acceptance. You have a belief that they see you as incompetent, I think. You have a deep Fear of Loss - and due to this you carry around a sense of being threatened.

As you said about becoming a yoga teacher: "I have doubts that I shouldn't do it because I am afraid the people close to me in my life will think I am weird." This belief that if you are yourself, you will be abandoned or rejected is the cause of much of your anger. It's only a belief. A false conclusion.

Other people have their stuff to work out too - and in all likelihood, your family has issues that are similar to yours - that is why we incarnate into a certain family - to see these issues, be presented with them, so that we can work through them. Use your family and their issues as a mirror for what you, yourself, came to work through, and be compassionate with them and their journey as well. Again - compassion is the answer. Everyone is struggling in their own way to get clear, to learn to love, to overcome their own wounds and fears of rejection - so, if your family was not able to be there for you as you might have wished, look at them through the eyes of compassion and know that you ARE loved - that you are totally competent and deserving of love. Much better to believe in and trust that instead, don't you think? It's true, too.

All of these limiting beliefs need to be explored and transformed. Use the formula for changing core beliefs found in The Laws of the Universe on this site. To have a fulfilled life, it is very important that you follow the path that is right for you. As you begin to truly love yourself, your fears of being abandoned or rejected by others will dissipate. When one loves oneself, one can never, then, be abandoned. Right? But if you don't follow your path, resentment and anger will follow.

I'd also invite you to say this, twice a day for 2 months:

"I desire and will to cleanse my body of every fear and anguish."
Due to these fears and anguish, you have had a tendency to be deeply depressed and to have difficulty assimilating experiences. As you work with what is presented here, this will begin to shift for you. Look up frog medicine in Jamie Sams' book Animal Medicine Cards - study it, invoke it to be with you, and see how you can use it to help you and apply it to your daily life.

An important thing for you to always remember: Don't get hung up on perfection. Perfection is not about a finished product - perfection is all about developing the ability to be loving and compassionate in the moment, toward oneself and others. And that means being aware that we are all in process, learning and growing as we go, through trial and error. Remember also that Love = a commitment to self love - being gentle and loving and compassionate toward oneself at all times.

Whenever a situation starts to bother you, immediately picture yourself in your dream solution to the problem. Feel this new, positive feeling and emotion, and see clearly in your mind how you'd like it to be. Accept that as the real truth of the situation. That will help transform things. Be open, as well, to seeing what energy you have operated out of that has created and contributed to a negative situation in your life. I'd invite you to say this when needed:

"I am open to receiving guidance about my own negative contribution and how to transform it."
Somewhere along the way you made some vows to yourself about life that are not good for you, and it will be important for you to rescind them. There is a deep need to develop the ability to trust life. Explore this area, and see what decisions or vows you made or have about life, and explore transforming them. An "Attitude of Gratitude" will be very useful here - being grateful, practicing being grateful throughout the day, for small as well as large things in your life.

To help rebalance your energy:

I invite you to hold the point on the top of your head, the soft spot, with the forefinger of your right hand, and with your left forefinger hold the point at the middle of throat - let them pulse together 2 minutes. Twice a day for 3 weeks. Help to open and rebalance your energy.

Another exercise to do: Say once aloud: "I am at peace." Then tone the "AHHHHH" sound 5 times, hollowing your mouth as if a golf ball were sitting on your tongue to create resonance, and placing your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Visualize the color blue seeping though your entire body, coming through the crown of your head and oozing out through your feet. I'd do this twice in a 3 day period of time.

Carrying around and attuning yourself to the vibration of the stone Celestite - for hope, harmony, and clear communications, would be good for you. Also, using oil of verbena, and the essential oil clary sage to help with depression would be good for you.

There is also a need to have a better understanding of how sexuality and spirituality work together in love relationships.

Physically, have a chiropractor check your Psoas muscle.

Hope this is helpful.

Blessings, Ayal

I knew based on your insights with other people that you would be good, but you really read me on an extremely deep level. I thank you for that. You probably know you are very, very gifted, and I want to wish you the best in your life. You have given me many things to consider. I was absolutely amazed that you were able to read so much about my life. I thank you for writing about my family. I believe myself to be very incompetent, and I believe that is what they think of me. I love them very much, and I will remember to be compassionate with them. I know they struggle, and I take little baby steps towards forgiveness. I feel rather hopeless to change. I want to change though. I have an extreme fear of loss, and I believe it manifests itself by fearing the day that they will leave this planet. I don't know if I will be able to handle that.

I have extreme hatred for my boyfriend. He has really shown me a lot about myself. I am unable to have clarity and love for him. I believe this is the person you mentioned that I am holding a lot of anger and hatred towards.

I have been deeply depressed for some time. I thank you for all of your suggestions. I thank you for spending the time to write so much about my life.

It is interesting, because I have encountered a few psychics who have mentioned me having past life karma having to do with the heart chakra. I hope I am able to repay the karmic debt in this lifetime.

I have ordered the animal medicine cards. I am very interested in the totem animals because I am a fairly big animal lover. A few years back, when I was falling asleep, I don't know if something that happened to me was a dream or reality, but I felt a tickle on my third chakra. I also saw some colors of orange and yellow. I opened my eyes, and I could have sworn a bird of some sort flew away. I would gladly give you an additional donation, if you have any idea of what this was. Maybe I was just losing my mind. It feels scary to admit this happened to me. I still harbor fear and judgment of myself for this incident. A friend suggested to me at the time that I should do some reading on the animal totems.

Anyhow, I truly appreciate your knowledge and gifts. If I could wish anything for you. again I wish for you the clarity you have given me.

I am so glad that my response to you was beneficial for you. Your challenge to open to love and compassion and release any anger or victim issues you may have is a good, strong and challenging one to have to work through.

Trust yourself. I strongly invite you to follow what you know to be right for you. I think taking the kundalini yoga training would be a great thing. I also had to follow my own path and calling despite my family not understanding it, or me, and I, too, often felt like a pariah in my family. But, the truth was, that I was not a pariah, but a catalyst. After having to grow in inner strength and empower myself, and work through many many deep issues for many years, through loneliness, sadness, and often grief, I am now very close to my family and deeply respected by them... because I came to a deep level of respect and power within myself. That's how the journey works. You have to develop within yourself those qualities and strengths in yourself in order for others to see them, respond to them, and respect them.

If you would like to send another donation, that would be appreciated, as I tuned into what bird that was that you spoke of. I think you ought to trust and value that experience you had - you aren't crazy - you just had an experience one has when one is tuned into other levels of visioning and energy. I love it when such a vision or ability to "walk between the worlds" in a powerful way like that comes to me. Treasure it as a great gift!

What I got that energy was that came to you was the grouse. The grouse is a pheasant-like bird of field and brush. An extremely hardy bird. The message it brings is that of sacred dancing and drumming. Dancing and drumming are both powerful ways in which to invoke energy. When combined, they create opportunities to be drawn into higher states of consciousness. Whenever a grouse crosses my path, I know that I am ascending to a higher state of spiritual understanding and evolution - moving upward in the sacred dance of life. Rhythmic movement creates life - and all of human activity is a kind of dance and ritual. The grouse is a dynamic symbol of this. True sacred dance is very ancient and powerful- it is an outer expression of an inner spirit. Grouse teaches you not to force your movements, but to follow your own natural rhythm and spiral of life. Dance evokes emotions and energies and then channels them through the movement and ecstasy of the dance, thus transcending the emotions that humanity can get caught in. Grouse invites you to do this also, to transcend the lower emotions, such as hatred and anger, fears of being abandoned and betrayed - and that is indeed, this time around, your challenge.

The grouse reflects that working with new rhythms and new movement will be beneficial to opening a new flow of energy into your life. Dance and drumming would become wonderful tools to open new realms for you. This doesn't mean that you have to go out and take dance lessons, but simply practice and perform your own free form movements and expressions. You will be surprised at the changes in your own energy. See yourself dancing into new patterns and realms within your life. Use the dance. Focus on something you want to change, manifest, or desire, and create your own movements that reflect it. Perform it to some cool drum music. Then watch how quickly the energy begins to flow for you. If performed with the right intention, you will see results in less then a week.

The grouse creates the powerful sound of drumming with rapidly beating wings. If you have ever heard it, it is quite remarkable and stirring and makes you become immediately and instantly alert to your surroundings, fully alive and present in the moment. The grouse's powerful wings beat the air and set the drumming vibration in motion, setting its power loose on the winds. It has its own dance, if you have ever had the chance to see it - performing a wonderful, entrancing, spiral movement.

Since feelings of rejection are needing to be transformed, my invitation is to do this somewhere where you have absolute privacy and do not have to be concerned with anyone not understanding what you are doing and therefore putting out a judgment on it. Set it up so that you have total privacy and protection, and then let yourself go. You create your own sacred space, in other words, in which to explore who you really are, your own natural rhythms. It may begin slowly at first, but I think your spirit will revel in this freedom as you allow yourself to experience and explore this.

Grouse are known to feign an injury, doing a different dance to lead a predator away from its young. In this way it is a loving and protective parent. It performs this act of selfless service to its young - another aspect that you were presented with - service to others. By doing this, the grouse shows that it has the ability to perform as is needed, to change its rhythm as is needed. This speaks to utter competency and adaptability - and if grouse came to you, then it is showing you that you also need to develop these traits more in your life - but more then that, to understand and know that you have them inherently within you, already, and you can allow them to come forth. You ARE totally capable and competent. Don't be afraid to show it and believe in yourself. If someone else can't see it, that's their problem, but if you hide it because YOU don't believe in yourself, then it will remain hidden and not available to yourself and others. It's all up to you and what YOU believe about yourself. Once again - believing in the positive and the uplifting, not the negative, is your challenge.

Blessings, Ayal

Hello Ayal,

Thank you very, very much for your insight. I hope I am not annoying you by writing you again, but at the same time I hope you can help me again. I love my Boyfriend very much. I believe he loves me, but we have a lot of pain right now. I feel at times like I want to break up with him. I know I have to learn forgiveness, and I have issues of the heart chakra. I just am wondering if I will learn the most by moving on with my life, or if it is best if I should stay. I have also been thinking about the grouse a lot. It is very exciting to think I was visited by it. Are there always thinks like this around that we just don't sense with our five senses? Thanks.

I can't tell you what to do in your life in terms of making decisions - I CAN tell you that whatever road you take, it will teach you something, and you will learn lessons from it, as well as face certain challenges. There are no mistakes - only choices. So, if you decide that you want to stay with your boyfriend and work through things, then do so. Your relationships are mirrors of your own, inner issues. Whatever troubles you in him, in other words, is in yourself. Relationships show you yourself.

Pain means being in resistance to something - so, if you are both in pain, that tells me that you are each in resistance to facing something within yourselves that you need to face. It is probably the same issue. So, if you discover what it is that YOU are not seeing in yourself, and you change it in yourself, then your outside world, including your relationships, will change to mirror that change in you. If you decide to leave the relationship, that too will be a road that takes you somewhere. However, whatever you have not faced in yourself will still reappear, as the Universe can only mirror for you in the outer world what is going on for you in your inner world. So, when and where you face it is up to you.

The answer is always, look inside and find what it is that is causing you trouble. It is always a belief pattern or energy pattern that you are stuck in. Then, you take appropriate action to transform it. Asking the Universe to support this transformation is always an important and necessary part of the equation. There are many techniques to transform energy, and there are many facilitators and methods to help guide one along the way. What you choose is up to you - one method can be found in the Laws of the Universe found on this Clearing the Way site, when you read about the formula for changing core beliefs.

As far as your second question - yes, the outer world is just like our dreams - it is full of and made up of symbols that show us what our reality is. Every thing in your world, as in your dreams, is a symbol for you of something going on for you in your life. When you begin to see the world in this way, it is called using "symbolic sight". Caroline Myss, in her book Anatomy of the Spirit, speaks very eloquently about this. Also, if you get the book Animal-Speak, by Ted Andrews, which talks about what it means when we see certain animals in our lives, that, too, will help you to understand how to see the world in this way. Both are wonderful books, and I invite you to read both of them.

Blessings, Ayal

400. "I'm afraid that if I allow my girlfriend to become too close, all with be destroyed"

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