"Insecurity in my relationship - am I over-reacting?"
Good day. I am a 52 y.o. female, living with a 51 y.o. male. We've been together for three years, living together in relative harmony for six months. Our life together has been one of extremes, resulting from his unwillingness (prior to the last six months) to be in a monogamous relationship with me. Usually the pattern is that things would go well and I'd find out that he'd been dating--even though he let me believe he was not seeing anyone but me. I'd become angry, we'd break up and then get together a couple of weeks or months later.
We have worked very hard to create a "full disclosure" policy in our relationship and he's recently told me that he's been seeing a "friend," whom he met at a work-related event. I'm not proud to say that I've read her emails to him (and his to her) only to find out that they discuss intimate details of their lives. She is married and has told my partner that she only has sex with her husband twice a month, that her marriage is unfulfilling and that she is basically miserable. This woman calls him at least once a day and, although I know it is his right to have friends outside our relationship, feel threatened that his friendship with Ms. X has progressed to this intimate point in only three months. I feel insecure and know, from past experience, that if I bring up my feelings of angst, he'll get defensive and tell me he can't live without space and personal freedom.
Do you think I'm over reacting?
I think that there is a lot going on here for you both. However, let's just focus on you and the healing you can get from this situation by understanding what is really happening. First of all, whatever is showing up in your life on the outside is simply a reflection of what is going on for you on the inside. That is, whatever unclear thinking you may have, whatever issues or patterns you may have, (as well as whatever clear thinking or positive patterns you may have), will show up as people and situations in your life. The world is set up to simply be a mirror for us so that we may see ourselves and grow. Everything in our lives is just a reflection of ourselves. We are 100% responsible for creating our reality. And what creates our reality is what we believe in - that is, what perceptions we have made about life.
What you have created here is a situation wherein you cannot trust the person you are with, even though promises to be honest with one another were made. Therefore, YOU have a belief inside of YOU about not trusting. There is a belief that you cannot trust the people or person closest to you, the one who is supposed to be there to love you. There is a perception which you created at some point in your life that says you will be lied to and betrayed. Maybe there is even a belief that you are not good enough and you will always be left for another. Therefore, you have manifested in your life someone who matches this belief perfectly - someone who cannot be trusted, no matter what he says, someone who always goes for other women behind your back. As long as you hold onto these beliefs, as long as YOU do not trust, whether it is consciously or unconsciously, your life will produce exactly what you believe in. Change the belief, get in touch with what perceptions you made about life and about yourself, take responsibility for having created these beliefs, and then create new and more workable beliefs. You will then create a relationship with someone who is trustworthy.
I have enclosed some information about how we create our own reality: The Laws of the Universe. I hope you will read it and get familiar with it so that you have a new understanding to work with that will make life much richer and happier for you.
Best wishes, Ayal
Ayal, I read your response last night and - although it was somewhat confusing - with some quiet and reflection, I think I can bog my way through it.
Yes, one of the issues that showed up for you was confusion. Confusion comes when we have given our power away to someone or something else. In your case, I think your confusion came from a misunderstanding of Truth - your understanding said it is someone else's fault that you are unhappy. Most of us were given that view of life. When we blame anyone or anything else, however, the truth is that we have given them power over our lives - we have given them the power either to "make" us happy or unhappy - we think and believe that this is so.
The truth really is, no one has that power over us. We are the ones who make ourselves happy or unhappy by how we think, and how we perceive what is going on. It's like this: two people are walking down the street. A dog barks at one and not the other. Why? Because one person is radiating fear, perhaps unknowingly, and the other isn't. The dog senses the fear and barks. (The dog is the mirror of that person's energy). Now the person who is getting barked at can say: "What a mean dog!" Or, that person can say, "What am I doing to create that dog barking at me?" That's taking 100% responsibility. And then there is growth and change as we see ourselves more clearly. You have been confused because your framework for life said of course it's someone else, (it's the dog, not me), and as that is a form of giving your power away, you got confused.
It's like this: if you give up the driver's seat in your car, how can you get to where you're going? I want to commend you for your willingness to understand and get this - it is new information for you...and it is very high level consciousness, some of the clearest stuff around, so, for many of us, it takes a bit to move from our old framework of seeing life (which is totally opposite from this information), and get it. As you keep reading it, and working with it, and thinking about it, it will ease its way into your understanding. Like any tool, practice makes you a master at it.