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"How can I make my boyfriend forget his ex-girlfriend?"

dear ayal, good day! it's been 3 months of our relationship when i met Jeff. everytime that we are together, he always tell me things about his ex girlfrend. that she is like that, like this. damn. i really can't afford to be with him. some friends told me to break him up but i can't because i love him. he mean everything to me... it's like that my world was with him. i will tell you now, im a gay. it is so hard for me to compare myself to that girl but he told me that he loves me. what im not sure is that if still he is committed to his girl what can i do to get rid of his past that i think is part of his present... help me pls. thanks and more power...

Well. You can't make him forget about anyone. No one can crawl into someone else's mind and change it, nor should we ever wish to. We have to honor what other people feel and think. However, what we can do is honestly speak our truth about how we feel when someone does something or shares something.

It sounds as if he isn't over her yet. I invite you to talk to him honestly about it. Ask him if he still has strong feelings for her, and is he truly ready to be committed to you or be in another relationship. Does he need more time to heal from that relationship before he really gets involved with someone else? I'd ask him out right all of these things. I'd also let him know how you feel when he keeps talking about her. If he needs to talk about her, you're probably not the appropriate person to do that with, since it bothers you. If he needs to work out his feelings about her, I think it would be better for him to find someone else to talk about his feelings with - perhaps a good buddy or even a counselor. If it troubles you to hear about her, then I'd be honest and just tell him how you feel about that. Love can only work when people are being honest with themselves and with one another. Otherwise, what you have is not truth between you.

P.S. It's a dangerous thing to make someone else your world. You can feel love for another, but your world is what YOU make it. If you make someone else your world, then you put a burden on them that is uncomfortable and too much to bear. That is being dependent on someone else to make your world for you. Your world is up to you, and what you make of it. It doesn't depend upon anyone else. You can love someone, but if you need them to be your world for you, you have set up an unstable, needy, and disempowering (for yourself) situation.

Blessings, Ayal

285. "I feel unwanted as my mother yells at me all the time"

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