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"I am suffering a lot of stress and anxiety and it is worsening my health"

Dear Ayal:

I spoke with you via telephone some time ago and sent a donation for your help of $70, I was so helped and blessed by your insight.

I have been doing wonderfully well, however more recently - probably after getting into becoming a realtor and having a few terrible interactions - I am totally stressed out. Please help me get to the root cause of my stress. I am aware of the indwelling Presence and it serves to keep me sane oftentimes but there is still something nagging inside and tears always ready to well up in my eyes. I had been diagnosed with Crohns Disease and realize now I have had it for 10-20-30 years and with the recent stress I have been under and inability to relax it has surfaced again. Please help me to find the root issue.

After thinking about how I am feeling and speaking to my daughter who is a Doctor - I think I have anxiety which she said is the flip side of depression. I have been depressed in the past and even suicidal but came out of it 6 yrs ago threw away my medications and haven't used them since. I had a stressing incident with my two of my daughters 2 wks ago, and coupled with the fact I already was experiencing stress or anxiety, I did lose it emotionally for a short period of time but was able to bring myself back together after about an hour but the underlying condition yet persists.

Hi. Of course I remember you. Well, let's see what shows up here. First of all, what is showing up is a need to balance your masculine and feminine energies. Read my article on that, 'Balancing Masculine & Feminine'. Do the meditation offered there, at least a couple of times throughout the next 2 weeks.

Next, read Caroline Myss's book 'Anatomy of the Spirit', or listen to her tape, 'Why People Don't Heal'. Good info there for you.

Thirdly, your. 2nd chakra needs some healing. This chakra deals with rebalancing emotions. Your responses to life are very emotionally based. This is due to the fact that you are very empathetic and sensitive to the energy of those around you. A good thing to say is the following, twice a day for the next 3 years:

"I sponsor myself to the Creator, the Cosmic All, the Masters, and the Creator Entity to have God's clearing energies, Higher blue, indigo, white, etc. to remove all adversities to the planes."
Next, it would be good for you to order and use the olive green Aura-Soma pomander product for courage and positive thinking. It cleanses and refreshes one's space. Also, using the Sanat Kumara and Lady Venus Kumara quintessence will be helpful. That is to bring the divine into the everyday: "As above, so below". Order this at

It is important that you allow yourself to become more receptive to Grace. Allowing much more of the Divine presence - feeling that Love, opening to it, trusting it - to pour into you, is showing up as a main issue for you here.

The flower essences Indian Paintbrush, for vigorous forces of will and a sense of your own power, as well as the Sweet Chestnut essence would be good for you to take. 5 drops of Indian Paintbrush, under the tongue, twice a day for 2 months, and 2 drops of Sweet cChestnut twice a day for 3 years, actually. That is for feeling cut off from God. A dark night of the soul feeling is what it deals with. Order this at (530) 265-9163

There is a lot of fear in your space, and a feeling of great anxiety, of being adrift. This seems to be stemming from a kind of hatred you bear toward your own inner child. There is a belief that you are incompetent. There is a fear of success due to this, a defensiveness in relating, and also a feeling of being used. An issue of self respect is showing up along with this. Where does that come from? Did something traumatic happen for you around age 8? Depression results from trying to keep down a fear - from not facing something that needs to be faced. Did you make a decision then that God had abandoned you somewhere around then? Very important to look into this.

Exploring these beliefs or possible events that led you to believe these things about yourself will be important. Then you can transform them. Somewhere along the way something happened that caused you to decide that you had no power, were being used, had no self respect, and it made you very defensive and anxious. What happened? Finding this is important. The hatred for your inner child stems from these beliefs and issues. Definitely fear and anxiety would. It is important for you to release feelings of blame that you may have toward anyone associated with this hatred of your inner child. Your inner child is needing you to love and support her, to be totally present and there for her, so that she feels safe and protected. You can visualize this inner child, ask her to allow you to speak with her, very gently and tenderly, and take her in your arms, or find a way to love her, to speak to her, comfort her, in whatever way shows up for you to do after making a connection with her. I'd do this meditation often. She is desperately desiring gentleness.

You also need to get some balance hormonally. Some of this distress is due to that.

An excellent place to visit and take some classes would be the Option Institute in Massachusetts. Their web site is, and their e-mail is They offer wonderful workshops, and it is a very wonderful, supportive, transformative, and healing place.

Many blessings, Ayal

Dear Ayal

It has taken me a few days for introspection, etc. to respond to this e-mail...

I am doing the exercises to balance the Mas/Fem... In a meditation I saw my feminine as being too soft, too passive and I think it is because I witnessed my father physically abuse my mother and she did nothing just took the beatings. My masculine is probably non-existent and I see that being played out in my life as my lack of aggressiveness and unwillingness to do the laborious things required around the home, reluctant to pay the bills and be more responsible.

I have ordered the Auro-Soma oils and taking the Indian Paintbrush and Sweet Chestnut daily...

I always loved dolls and little girls, I think metaphorically it was my inner child I was trying to love. I loved, hugged and nurtured all my 3 girls and my grandbaby - I think I was really trying to reach out to my own inner child which I now hold near to me in my heart.

I have been told before that there was some trauma that occurred for me in my early years. Couldn't remember anything and I asked my older sister. She said I was severely traumatized about that age when I stepped on a worm. I was probably barefoot. She said I screamed and cried for many hours and was unable to talk for about 4 days. Also, I remember at age 16 or so I took a dress of the clothes line to hem a small tear, opened up to the tear in the seam and there was a small worm on it - I threw the dress across the room and became hysterical - my mother had to slap me to bring me back to reality - I think what my sister remembers may be the trauma others say I experienced . From what you can see could this have caused what you perceived??? And,,,,,,,,,,, how do I heal this??? I'm still afraid of worms.

Also, I think I may have seen my father's penis in some way as a young child but don't think he touched me - could this have caused the hatred of my inner child??

You also need to get some balance hormonally. Some of this distress is due to that.

I stopped taking my natural estrogen and thyroid and trusting God the ONLY power and as my all supply for health and nutrition needs about 2 months ago and thus stopped taking the nutritional substances that would address these issues. Are you feeling an imbalance in seratonin, estrogen or thyroid and if so is there a product you could recommend??

In a meditation I did the other night, I connected to my father who always did love me and showed it above all the other 5 children...I tearfully told him I hated him for what he did to all of us and me particularly by allowing us to witness his abuse and that I had been damaged and had no masculine to identify with and it had affected my life. He apologized told me he understood how he had failed us - held me close and it seemed that I integrated his (??) masculine power on my left.

I then tearfully addressed my mother and shared w/her that I felt alone and totally unnourished by her and she also apologized and I felt her to my right, and it seemed as if I integrated the healed aspects of them both into my heart. Then I addressed my inner child which for years I would see this little girl in tattered clothes, crying and sucking her thumb.

She was always alone and was not in arms reach to me. After a few interactions with her after your e-mails and other work she had now come closer to me and I took this opportunity to apologize to her and nurture her and I integrated her in the middle between the energies of both parents, and I am feeling balanced today and MUCH better and the "fog" I have been in for the last 2 weeks appears to have lifted...... does this part of it feel complete ???

Hi - the inner work you describe is very beautiful, and it sounds as if quite a lot of profound healing is going on. When you ask, is this part complete, it sounds as if what has been shown to you to do up to this point has been well done. As you know, maintenance is a constant thing. Just as with our cars or homes, which require continual maintaining to run well, or not to fall into disrepair, so we, too, must constantly tune into ourselves to see how we are doing and what we may need at any point along the journey.

I'd invite you to stay tuned in on a consistent basis, and keep yourself well taken care of by doing whatever meditation or other care is appropriate. That includes the hormones and vitamins and minerals as well. We are physical beings and we must maintain ourselves physically as well as spiritually and emotionally. Have you heard the expression:

"Trust in Allah, but tie up your camel"?
There may come a point in our evolution when we can exist totally from faith and light energy - but there aren't many who are there yet. So, in the meantime, we trust in Allah and tie up our camels.

When you mentioned that you went off of your supplements because you wanted to trust that God would take care of you - well, YOU are God. Therefore, YOU must take care of you. That is what you are learning to do now via these meditations and taking care of yourself in whatever way shows up - taking care of your inner child, your balance of loving masculine and feminine energy, etc.

I think the issue with the worm was simply your terror of not being taken care of - something unexpected and frightening happened, as frightening things were happening around you that you witnessed and experienced in your family, and no one was there to help you or protect you. With this great inner work you are doing now, and continue to do, these issues will heal. Remember, there are layers to everything. If we have built up years and years of trauma, it takes time and patience and continual maintenance to heal it - like peeling off layers to the onion. Just deal with one layer at a time. What needs to be healed will always reveal itself if we are aware and conscious of what is going on, by tuning into ourselves.

Blessings, Ayal

233. "It's nonsense that everybody creates their own experiences!"

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