Trans4mind Home Page
Clearing the Way

"My husband isn't passionate about me - I feel insecure about my looks"

Hi Ayal,

I have a rather daunting problem. My husband and I are on our fourth marriage counselor and the whole marriage seems to be going down the tubes. I cannot get over the fact that my husband does not think I am especially beautiful. He might deny this but his actions as well as some of his words seem to support this. I have been struggling with not feeling good about the way I look and have been looking for a man who is passionate about me, for my internal qualities as well as my external looks, for years.

Once I came close to finding a relationship like that. I still felt insecure about my looks, especially when he noticed other women, but his ability to show love for me in the way I needed it to be shown helped me to feel more secure.

Another thing with my husband that is not helping is that my husband is 10 years younger than me. He has actually told me (a few times) that I could never be a model, and that I'm not the most beautful woman in the world, but that he loves me anyway. I don't know why but I cannot accept this. Furthermore, he has not really been passionate about me for years (he says this is because we have been fighting for so long) and he rarely tells me I'm beautiful or even pretty - the only compliment he gave me even from the beginning was that I was cute. He is often warm, caring and affectionate but does not show any strong physical attraction, either in or out of the bedroom. I have tried to get a jealous reaction out of him on several occasions by looking at other men, but he says it does not bother him if I look at someone else (he does it frequently). If a man flirts with me (which rarely happens), that doesn't usually seem to bother him either. Is there something wrong with me to want my husband to see me as the most beautiful woman in the world? Isn't is true that people who genuinely love each other see each other through different eyes as their love for each other deepens?

Please help me if you can. I am in a tremendous amount of emotional pain, and am wondering, if this relationship ends, if anyone will ever be able to love me in the way that I need to be loved, both inside and out.

Hi - well, reading your letter, I feel a bit daunted myself, because my site is all about how people create their OWN reality, and I have even requested strongly in my opening letter on the home page that people read the Laws of the Universe first, before they write in a question to me, in order to gain some understanding regarding this. The Laws state as clear as clear can be that we create our own reality 100%, and no one can create in our reality, or make us feel bad, or angry, or beautiful or unbeautiful, or anything else. They state that your upsets or issues are NEVER about another person, place or thing. It's only about what YOU choose to believe about life and yourself... and this means that it is not about your husband and what he does, or doesn't do. Your letter is all about your husband and what he does and how he "makes you feel". He can't make you feel either beautiful or unbeautiful. That's up to you, and you alone.

Before I answer this anymore, Peggy, you need to read the Laws of the Universe at least twice through, and think about what it means. Then, if you have questions, we'll talk more, and then I'll be glad to offer help, once I've seen that you are doing something to empower yourself. It's not up to me to do this for you when the basic and necessary info is right there in easy reach for you to read it and understand it. Your asking me to figure this out for you, when all the letters deal with this kind of thing, and all the info is right there for you to do it for yourself, is the same issue you are having with your husband - thinking it's up to someone else to do it for you, or make you feel better. It isn't. It's up to you.

Blessings, Ayal

138. "I feel numb in my heart and my body"

Click here to donate & send a question to Ayal:
Clearing the Way   |   Laws of the Universe   |   Recommended Links

Most popular hypnosis downloads...

  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Generalized Anxiety Treatment ~ Use hypnosis as a generalized anxiety disorder treatment and you can feel calm today.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology
Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience

Inspiring Quotes of the Week

When you subscribe to our free service, each Monday you'll receive several transformational quotes on a new topic - with commentary by Peter Shepherd - to inspire you throughout the week...
Subscribe now... it's free!

Your address will remain 100% confidential and it's just one click to unsubscribe.
Previous Inspiring Quotes of the Week
“I want to congratulate you for Trans4mind! It's a mind blowing platform, I swear! I also want to thank you for the amazingly true and revolutionizing messages of love you've shared in your weekly email! I believe the domestic world, and also people as a race, can change fundamentally if they see through their thoughts, words and actions in the light of these messages! Every week, along with the others, I await your inspiring messages and can't thank you enough for giving us this invaluable gift so unconditionally and relentlessly!” ~ Sunetra