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"I feel as though something is blocking my progress, but what exactly?"

Hi Ayal!

I consider myself a fairly spritually aware, creative, optimistic, and somewhat disciplined individual who knows there is a Creator God, source of all that is. I am ready to move on to the next phase/level in my spiritual and professional life. There have been small accomplishments here and there, but I KNOW that much more waiting for me! I can truly feel it, like it is close enough to touch.

The problem? I feel as though something is blocking my progress. When I visualize my situation, I see myself plowing forward, determined and confident, but there is something holding my shirt tail, preventing me from moving forward. The other visual I get is of me, waiting with open arms below a huge funnel - I can see blessings continuously flowing into the funnel, but somehow the funnel is clogged, because nothing is coming out of the other end! I feel as though it is a negative energy force, either from my subconscious and/or negative energy and thoughts originating from others.

I feel like I'm working SO hard, yet nothing is happening. The irony is, when I feel like I want to give up, I CAN'T, because I know I've worked so hard! Through all of this, I've tried to remain positive, but lately I've been getting really down.

My question is: what can I do to remove the negative energy; protect myself from negative energy forces; remain positive and release the blessings that I know are waiting for me? I look forward to hearing from you!

Hi - thanks for your letter. It's interesting that you wrote in about this particular issue, as I am going through a very similar thing. It shouldn't surprise me, as I know that life is only a projection of what's going on for me in my own mind - but somehow it still does surprise me. Guess I'm still solidifying that understanding of how life operates myself. I always find that whatever I am working on in myself, the letters I get reflect that exactly. It only continues to confirm for me that all of life is a mirror for us - whatever we have going on for us in our minds will be what we project onto the world - it's like we're all movie projectors, actually, projecting our own self onto a screen to see it.

So, given that, it's not negativity from others holding you back - it's NEVER about anyone or anything else causing our lives to be the way the are - it's about what's still in you to work out, see, and clear up. Seeing your inner workings, if you will. For you, what's holding you back is your anger. I was shown that there is an issue of feeling "discarded" - a belief down deep that either you, or perhaps your dreams, will be thrown away, unvalued.

You know, so often, these unknown or hidden beliefs come as such a shock to us - we see ourselves a certain way, and we just don't have a clue that something like that can be operating within us. We just haven't been able to see it or get to where it's hidden away. It's like a raw spot that we bounce away from as far as we can go, and so we become out of balance, trying so hard to show that we're anything BUT that. Like a see-saw that has one end constantly up and we desperately try to keep it that way. And we do it so long that we forget that that issue is even there. It's still so raw and tender that it's hidden behind scar tissue, so to speak. When we are finally strong enough and have a deep enough foundation, or we have developed a strong enough inner support system in order to deal with it and not collapse, then we get to it.

It's always a clue to me when someone begins a letter or conversation the way you did - with "I'm really this way. I'm this kind of person." That alerts me to the fact that you are needing to see yourself a certain way - and you ARE all of those things that you mentioned - but it's also almost like a denial that you can be anything else - a fear of seeing what may be underneath - a need to compensate for those other issues that you fear may be there. In other words, it's as if you're saying: "I'm good, happy, upbeat - tell me I'm ok - I really need for you to see me this way, and I need to believe it myself." We ARE all those wonderful things, but if we're too afraid to face that we have other things going on too, out of the fear that it will confirm for us that we really are "bad" in some way, we get out of balance.

For you, as I mentioned, it's a fear that you really are bad and therefore DO deserve to be "discarded" - with that fear going on, you will avoid dealing with whatever the issue is. When you know who you are, you get detached from that - and you know that when you get a little muddy in your life, or in your beliefs, when you get confused or have a misconception - well, you can then just say: "So what. OK. Time to take a bath." That's all. And then you do the work to clear it up. But, we have to develop the foundation first to do that - we need to build up our connection to our divine energy, our real energy source, our spirit, and then we can handle facing what we need to. Like building up enough spiritual, and emotional and mental muscle strength to lift a big bar bell.

You have a lot of hidden anger because you have felt discarded. You have a belief that someone else has to validate you and your dreams for them to happen, and because of that, there is an issue of emotional dependency going on. You still think that if someone else validates you, then your dreams will happen. Guess what? It's never about another person, place, or thing. We don't want to admit that our lives really aren't dependent on others, but are only about what WE do or don't do. We think if we accept this, that it's all our own creation, and we are in that sense completely self sufficient unto ourselves - that no one else makes our lives for us - we think we'll be all alone or not connected to anyone or anything.

But, the truth is just the opposite - we are all ONE, and therefore connected to everything and everyone. Look at the word "alone" - words are very powerful symbols of truth - it says "al(l) one". When you are finally ready to know it's just about you, that you are God in physical form, in a body, here to learn and grow and experience - that it's all perfect - then you know that there is no need for guilt or such a thing as "sin." When you know that's who you are, and that no one else needs, therefore, to do it for you, you will see this connection to everything in a different way than you see it now, and you will move to where you are choosing to be, because you will be your own loving and self appreciating power source, able to then love and appreciate all else. You will project that knowing upon the world, and create your world from that.

Blessings, Ayal

103. "Do I tell my new man that he is sexually attractive to me?"

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