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"I can't stop eating yet I desperately want to lose weight"

Hi there.

I saw the offer of advice on matters of spiritual and mental nature on the website I quit smoking last August and in November I started becoming obsessed with food, and I've put on about 2 stone which has made me very unhappy. I started doing regular excercise and walking more but what happend was I started binging on sugary food, but not just one packet of biscuits but a packet of biscuits, a cake, and chocolate until the point I felt ill. I'm not happy being like this, I even started smoking again. All I want to do is lose the weight I've put on and it's made me more and more obsessed about food and I've started over eating on other foods that I eat such as savory food, but more on anything with sugar in.

Before I quit smoking I had a sweet tooth but rarely ate anything so sweet or the size of the meals that I'm having now. I really want to resolve this, not only so that I can feel confident about myself again, but to have the mental freedom to get on with life rather then worrying about the fact that I can't go and buy chocolate as it makes me ill, so I go and buy chocolate. I tried starting a programme which engages you in positive thinking, thinking before you eat, visualization and regular excercise but nothing seems to have worked. I don't like this path and behavior that I've become accustomed too. I preferred my lifestyle before I started being obsessed with food and only ate when I was hungry. Please can you help?

Hi -

Well, what is showing up for you is that your inner masculine is something you have shut off from yourself. You are keeping it at bay, and are denying it. When a person fears a part of themselves, as you are fearing your inner masculine energy, it limits you dramatically and drastically. It doesn't allow you to have a crucial part of your life force, your wholeness, available to you. So, you look to external things to make up for it, trying to get into your being some life energy, nurturing, or comfort, something to hold onto to help you feel less anxious, to feel filled up and safe.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work. For you, first it was smoking, trying to find some strength or comfort from that. Now it's food, or both. What you are really desperate for is your own life energy and strength. Your wholeness. You will find it if you allow your inner masculine energy to come in, allowing it to be welcomed within you and offering it a clear, receptive space in which to operate.

Usually, when a woman disavows her inner masculine, it is due to the fact that she experienced a negative or traumatic male energy in her life, and so she sees the masculine energy as something threatening, something that uses its power in an abusive way. So she denies it in herself with all her might. That distorted energy is not the true energy of the masculine. The true energy of the masculine is a beautiful, pure thing. And there are men who embody it, and you need to embody it as well, to be whole and balanced. You need all of those wonderful, clear, strong male qualities as part of your being so that you feel that you are able to provide for life's necessities for yourself.

When you don't have that clear male energy, life is a scary thing as you don't have what it takes to provide for yourself and meet the world head on. So, you get terribly scared and look to external substances to do that for you, and help you feel safe. You fill yourself up with food, thinking that then you are safe, that you are taking care of yourself, that you won't die. You knew you were desperately lacking something that you crucially need to keep you alive and well, but you didn't know what you were lacking. You just felt the desperate need for something to give you life force energy. So, you thought, on some level, if you went to food, that you'd have strength, and that desperate, empty, anxious need would be filled up. But, that won't do it. It only gets you more off balance. What you really are desperate for is this part of your life force, the masculine energy, that you need in order to survive.

We are both the yin and the yang, correct? We have genes from both the masculine and the feminine to make up who we are as a whole entity, correct? So, we need both. One without the other doesn't work. With only one operating, and one denied and misunderstood, you will always feel anxious.

I invite you to take a look at what is going on with your relationship to men, to the masculine energy. Take a deep look at what your fears or images or beliefs about that energy is. Then, work with the steps for healing a core belief system, found in the 'Laws of the Universe' - there's a link to it at the bottom of this page. See if you can gain a new perception of what divine masculine energy is all about, and when you have that, invite it into your being. Things will change dramatically for you.

Blessings, Ayal

Thank you for your advice and help. I have found the information on the Laws of the Universe very helpful. Although, I still don't know how to address my issues with masculine energy in regards to the help given in the Laws of the Universe. Please could you advise on how to do this as I feel that this will help me immensely. Once again thanks for your time, kindness and love.

Hi -

Here's the formula for re-programming an old belief:

How to re-program an old belief:

1. Own the fear or pattern. See how you react to a given situation - look at what you are afraid of. Ask: "What keeps me believing in that fear? What will happen if I let go of it? What is the pay off for keeping it? What do I get to do or not do if I keep the fear?"

2. Decide if this pattern serves you anymore. Decide if you want to keep the program, or if you decide to keep it, observe why, without judgment.

3. If you decide to change it, decide what you want to change it to, exactly. Be specific. You must have a new belief, a choice for a new perception. If you choose to believe in a new reality, you eliminate fear.

4. Put out your intention - what you intend to create. Say: "I intend to_____." You can even state how you will do it, step by step. Your intention must be followed by willingness.

5. Ask Spirit, your Highest Self, for guidance or help to achieve the new intention. State your new reality in the form of "I Am_____."

OK. Let's start at number (1). First, you recognize that there is fear about something - in your case, fear of owning your masculine energy or having anything to do with masculine energy. Right? Then you ask," What keeps me believing in this fear?" What events happened that you decided masculine energy was not to be trusted, Sophie? As you allow yourself to remember what those events were and when you perhaps made that decision, feelings may come up for you. Let them come. You may have suppressed anger, or shame, or pain, or hatred, or rage, or deep sadness. You may come to see that you may have created a belief that you were abandoned, or unloved - any number of strong feelings may come up as you remember what decisions you made about masculine energy. Allow yourself to have these feelings. If you need to scream or hit a pillow, do it. If you need to cry, have a great cry. Do whatever your being needs to do, for as long as you need to, to release what you've held down for so long.

If you need some support when these feelings come up, either a counselor or a good friend to talk to, a safe place to go to share these feelings or to help clarify them, get that set up for yourself, too. Often there are layers to this kind of thing, so you may work through one layer of feeling, thinking that's it, only to have the next one appear, ready to be dealt with. That's appropriate and how it works. Deal with each layer, as it shows up, knowing that it's good, even though it may be intense, because your healing is in process.

(2). Now ask: "What will happen if I let go of this belief?" Well, one thing we know about holding onto a belief based on fear is that we think that if we hold onto it, we won't risk being hurt again, right? So you may think, "If I let go of it, it will all just happen again." Just ask this question, and see what answers or thoughts come up for you. It's ok if you choose to continue to hold onto an old belief, because timing is everything, and we have to be ready to let go of something. But, the truth also is, if you change your perception, or old belief, you will create a new reality - you will manifest new events that are better for you and that match your new belief, right? So, if you choose to believe that the masculine energy is a good thing, and you allow its pure, trustworthy, not distorted energy, to be a part of you, then good things will come to you from that belief. Your outer reality can only mirror what you believe inside of you. That's how it works. So, then a question to answer also, which step number (2) deals with, is: "Is your life working well for you by continuing to hold onto this old belief?" If the answer is "No, and I do want to and am willing to change this belief", then you are ready to move onto number (3).

(3). Decide what belief will work better for your life. If you understand that the masculine polarity of life, like the balance of night and day, hot and cold, up and down, is necessary for your life to work well for you and for you to be whole, then perhaps you may choose to do a meditation in which you ask to be shown what the pure, essential masculine energy really is. Ask to be shown how it will serve you and help your life, what it will give you. After asking this, just sit in stillness, in an open, receptive state of being. Listen to what guidance or answers comes to you. You may need to do this for a while, more than once or twice, until you really get all the pieces to this question. You may need to read a book that talks about what pure masculine energy is. Or go hear a great speaker like Matthew Fox. Ask to be shown an appropriate way to understand the masculine polarity of energy in its pure, essential, Divine nature. Allow yourself to see it in its true form. See it not as a man, or men, but as a quality or qualities of life that we all need. Find out for yourself what those qualities are. Then you can decide to change your belief to one which values the masculine qualities of energy and sees its purpose.

Then, go on to step number (4). State your new belief as an intention, such as "I am now willing and ready and able to incorporate the masculine energy of the Divine plan into my being in a perfect, appropriate way for my Highest Good. I now allow myself to embody the perfect balance of the feminine and masculine energies. I am whole and well. I am safe and secure, and I know that these energies are committed to taking wonderful care of me." Breathe this intention into your being when you say it - feeling in every cell of your body how that will feel to be grounded, to feel safe and secure, to feel strong, to have the healthy body you want, to be free of anxiety and compulsions, to be able to love yourself and be loved so beautifully, to take care of yourself well, to be committed to yourself and your own well being ...feel how it feels to be loved and supported, filled up by this wonderful balance of the masculine and feminine energies of life, to have them operating perfectly within you.... feel how it feels to trust.

Now, number (5). Ask Spirit, in whatever form that manifests for you, to come in and support you in this change - ask Spirit to help you allow and be open to this new change in your energy, to bring to you this new, perfect balance of energy. Allow yourself to be supported by Spirit, and trust that all is well and that whatever you need is being handled for you with Love. Feel how that feels - to just trust that all is well, and that you can just turn it over to Spirit, sigh and relax, knowing that it is being taken care of. Breathe that feeling in deeply.

So, that's the process. Many blessings as you allow yourself to heal. Remember, the way out is through - through remembering the decisions you made, through releasing the emotions you have stored deep away, and through all of that to the light of a new belief that creates a new balance of energy for you - which creates a new reality.

Blessings, Ayal

101. "I had a terrible abortion which I now deeply regret. How can I heal?"

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