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"I like a relationship on the edge - why?"

Hello Ayal

Thanks for taking time to read and respond to my e-mail. I feel stuck in my life. I want to be married and have kids, but haven't been able to accomplish that in years of dating. I am confused as to what is stopping me. I find myself getting involved with men who are interesting, but keep me wondering if they truly love me. I have had nice men loving me and proposing to me, but I get bored with them and start taking them for granted and fall out of love. I feel true passion with men who keep me on my toes. What is wrong with me? What should I do to fall in love with a man who adores me?

Hi -

Well, when we are attracted to "men who keep us on our toes", what that often really means is that we are setting ourselves up to see if we can conquer the man who doesn't really seem to be interested. The issue behind that is that if you can get THAT one to love you, which seems like such an exciting challenge, you think it will finally prove that you're really worth loving. The men who say they love you already, who are willing and able to love, the relationsips that you don't have to work so hard at to get them to love you - well, you don't trust them because they ARE willing to love you. It's a distorted kind of thing, and it has to do with your own issues of self worth, issues of not honoring yourself, and not being able to trust that you are worth loving. The real challenge here is not to go after the men who don't love you. The challenge here is to love yourself. That's the only way to finally have what you are really looking for. What stops you from doing that? If you can find that out and work through it, you'll be well on your way to the happiness you are seeking. It has to come from the inside first, before it can show up on the outside.

When you don't have to keep proving over and over to yourself that you are worth loving by going after the ones who aren't really there for you, you'll be able to trust being loved. Then you will be able to trust that the men who love you are worthy men, good men, worth loving in return. The men who are able and ready to love you aren't the ones you want because you don't love yourself yet, yes? If you don't love yourself yet, you don't REALLY believe that you are worth loving, or can be loved by anyone else, right? So, how can you accept their love ? In your mind those men become boring - but I think that this may be what is really going on.

If someone says they do love you, in your mind you think something must be wrong with them for them to choose YOU -" don't they know any better?!" is probably what your mind says unconsciously. They must be wimps or stupid in some way to fall for you, or want you, because you "know" that you're not worth it. So, you feel a kind of disgust for them for wanting you as you think they're desperate or dorks, and you dishonor who they are in your mind because you believe that only someone pathetic would want you - but, all of this comes from the fact that you are dishonoring yourself.

But the men who don't love you - well, you think they must be the smart, worthy ones because they "see" that you're not worth it (this is not true, by the way, that you're not worth it - but, it's how this issue is setting things up in your mind for you). So, as you see it, they must be the good ones to go after, the true challenge, exciting, because they re not wanting you - and as you don't have worth, and they're different from you, not interested in you, well then, they must have it. They must have whatever it is that you think you don't have. They are only the mirror of you rejecting yourself.

Also, if you think you're a dork, or unworthy in some way, you may very well be attracting men who are dorks also, to mirror that for you as well. It's all just a mirror of whatever you believe about yourself. When you know you're wonderful, you'll attract people who seem wonderful to you also. When you can love, you'll attract those who love you and whose love you can accept as the true, beautiful, real thing it is. If you could love yourself, when someone else offers you real love, you wouldn't think it was stupid of them to love you - you'd treasure it, and them, because you'd be treasuring yourself and your own ability to love and be loved. You'd know that you deserved it, and that anyone who could see your beauty and worth must be wonderful and worthy themselves.

Being able to love another is a great thing, not a weak thing. Being able to love yourself is a great thing. But if all you see is garbage when you look at yourself, of course you'd think the men who love you must be garbage men. Get it? Do you see how this is all a mirror for how you feel about yourself?

An aura-soma essence will help you work through this and bring in clarity for you. It's the #36 oil and can be ordered from I hope you will order it and use it every day until the bottle is all used up. By that time, you ought to have moved through a lot of this issue, and you will be in a better place to love yourself - and be able to honor and accept and appreciate it when someone loves you. Start trusting that you are worth loving. A lot of amazing things will happen.

Blessings, Ayal

99. "I can't separate my new relationship from past painful ones"

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