By Teri Worten

Sex and The Single Mom
by Teri Worten

Single moms, more so than anyone, have to be exceedingly careful about the type of man they select as life-long partners. No sensible woman wants to be judged soley on her appearence or sex appeal, right? Moreoever, who would even want a man mostly interested in sex without a real commitment, right again? These questions create an age-old conundrum. Exactly, how does one find a guy who loves them and only wants what is best for them? Let's take it up a notch. How do you resist those natural impulses to throw caution to the wind and break down and have sex?

For starters. . .

Read between the lines.

A wise person once said, Words carry a little weight, but actions truly reveal the entireity of a matter. When you meet a new guy, be especially observant of the kinds of things he talks about. Carefully listen to his conversation. Remember, you can usually learn plenty about a person simply by listening to them. If the conversation is laced with sexual innuendos, that is your "red flag".

Where’s the fire...

Be leery of physical contact early in the relationship. Someone who is overly "touchy" after knowing you for a short amount of time might have less than honorable motives. Yes, some guys are “touchy feely” with women. But think for a moment, if you marry a man who can't keep his hands to himself, you are asking for trouble!

Let get real, here. As single moms, it's only natural to enjoy the attention of men, but don’t allow loneliness or insecurity to propel you into a relationship that may bring pain later. You are far too precious for that, single mom.

Take your time with the physical stuff. Approach the dating relationship the same way you would with a platonic friend. Save the kissing or hugging until you really know the guy.

We often give away far too much too soon in our interpersonal encounters. Don't be the type woman that every guy in the neighborhood knows what it’s like to kiss and squeeze. Even if he says he loves you, remember that love waits. Love is patient, love is kind and real love will never disrespect you. Slow down, enjoy the progression of the new relationship. There's no fire, so hold your horses!

God’s plan for you...

God has a plan and it's not about pointless denial. His plan is first marriage and then sex after the legal, spiritual and emotional commitment. When you create a list of rules for your kids, you do so to protect them, right? Well, God is no different. He loves you and wants to spare you unnecessary grief.

There is forgiveness....

If for whatever reason, you have engaged in a sexual relationship outside of marriage understand that God still loves you. Our blunders don't make Him love us any less. He desperately wants to put the pieces of your life back together and make all things new again.

Living life "our way", guided by our emotions or feelings, always brings disappointment and shame. However, God specializes in such wounds. Allow Him to cleanse your pain and remove your guilt (read 1John 1:9). If you confess your sin, He WILL forgive it. He’s promised. The next and most crucial step is for you to forgive yourself.

Our children....

Our children rely on us to model appropriate moral standards. Most wise moms advise their teens to abstain from sex before marriage. We carefully explain to them the dangers of sex "now a days". We share how abstinence protects us against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. Taking this into account, why should we want anything different for ourselves? Our children are growing up so fast. Our time with them is very precious. Let's not taint it recovering from unecessary love-related heartbreaks. Nothing is worse for children than to see their moms wounded, hurt, bitter and dejected.

My mother recently told me, (relative to my health) 'a good mother takes supreme care of herself for the sake of her children'. I think the same applies to emotional health. Don’t run the risk of giving your body and soul away only to be left with an empty bed and broken heart. It really isn't worth it, single mom.

Teri Worten is a freelance writer and the founder of several inspirational websites for women and single moms. One is called Gotta Be Me, Girl.Com. You can access the site by following the link: http://www.gottabemegirl.com. Secondly, visit the Greater Kansas City Single Mom Network at http://www.kcsinglemomnetwork.com.