Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Explore Article Library

Top 5 Communication Tips for Couples

By Alan Stafford

1. If you want to be a better communicator, be a better listener. This means listening without reaction and without judgment. When your partner shares, you are observing your partner's innermost feelings and emotions. These feelings are neither good nor bad. This is just how your partner feels. You don't have to agree.

But, the first step in effective communications is to listen and understand that your partner feels that way. Communication in a good relationship isn't just two people talking to each other. It is also two people listening.

2. When your partner is sharing a belief, an opinion, or a feeling, it is his feeling. He is entitled to it; it's his. Telling him he's wrong never works and makes people defend their positions. Do you remember your reaction last time when your partner said that you were wrong? It works just the same the other way. Remember that understanding and accepting that your partner has these feelings does not mean you agree with them.

3. Being a successful couple is not a win-lose game where one person has to give in. Being in a successful relationship means that neither of you is completely right, nor completely wrong. Successful communication between you and your partner may help you find a third alternative where you can both live happily. Example: you hate Chinese food; he hates Mexican food. You could argue forever until one person gives in and is miserable throughout the meal. Or, you could go to an Italian restaurant that you both like.

Two small tips: 1) don't give up too soon - oftentimes you will need to talk the problem over for a few minutes before you find that common ground. 2) Don't always give in to keep the peace- if you always give in and let your partner decide, it will someday result in having an "I'm tired of letting you make all the decisions!" kind of a row.

4. Learn the 3-step approach to solving the differences in your relationship:

a) Verbalize the behavior that is causing you a problem

b) Explain how the behavior is creating a problem for you

c) Request that your partner do something to change the situation. Notice that I did not say correct the behavior. Correcting implies that the behavior was wrong. You don't need to make the behavior wrong. You just want the behavior to change.

5. Finally, never say no to your partner's request. Not for money, not for help around the house, not even for sex. Your answer should be either "yes", or you should make a counteroffer. Your partner can then counter your counteroffer. The counteroffers continue until both partners have a solution that both can live with.

This is another example of finding that third way. This process will strengthen your relationship. When you say "no", you cause hurt and feelings of rejection. Saying "no" also shuts down future communication. Your partner will start thinking "I won't ask her anymore, because the answer is always no".

After all, that is what marriage is all about: a continual meshing, accommodating, and negotiating between two individuals trying to act as a couple. If you had wanted everything your way, you should have stayed single. Remember, when it comes to your relationship, it's not my way; it's not his way; it's our way. Always look for that third way - that common ground where both of you can be happy.

About The Author

Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach

I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work

Click here to ask Alan a question about your biggest relationship issue

Get our free newsletter for relationship tips and advice

©2006 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

A great way to support your Trans4mind Training is to use these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Generalized Anxiety Treatment ~ Use hypnosis as a generalized anxiety disorder treatment and you can feel calm today.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
Search on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Trans4mind Training is the best thing we've ever done! It's a series of interactive video workshops covering the key challenges we all face in life - to help you achieve greater inner peace and true fulfillment.
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd