Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Explore Article Library

Coping with Tantrums

By Ben Sidman

Tantrums are never easy to deal with and push parents to their limits of patients. It often seems to be that parents of children with social difficulties have a harder job because tantrums are either more frequent, unpredictable or harder to bring under control.

The Difficulties

Children with social difficulties can be very difficult to calm down when they have a tantrum because they have less of an understanding of things going on around them. This makes things like discipline very difficult because you are constantly weary that saying "no to even the slightest of things can develop into a dramatic tantrum.

Certainly the tantrums are less predictable or triggered by what people would generally consider "no big deal". This means that when your child has a tantrum over something very slight such as a meal they don't like, it becomes very difficult for parents and carers to sympathise and empathise. To you it is a perfectly reasonable thing to cope with.

When a tantrum does occur, it can be very difficult to bring under control. Parents can be left feeling shocked by the length of time a tantrum has lasted or by the amount of anxiety, frustration or aggression the child was feeling. Most of all, it can be very disheartening to see their apparent lack of being able to reach their own child to calm them down.

Another difficulty parents have is when they are in public places and their child has a tantrum, it is staggering to see other people looking at disgust at the parents who are immediately branded as bad parents to let their child get to that state.

Its not only members of the public but also uninformed professionals and medical practitioners who believe children are always a result of their parents.

Causes of Tantrums

Although it may feel that children with social difficulties have tantrums at the slightest problem, the causes of their tantrums can be a little more complex than it first appears. Tantrums are a product of some form of frustration, anxiety, anger etc. The causes of these behaviors can be extremely varied.

Some children have tantrums because they are unable to communicate what they want or express their feelings in any other way. Furthermore, they may have difficulty in understanding what they are being told. The use of picture cards may help overcome some of these problems. It is also essential to keep your language clear and brief and to emphasis important words.

Some children have great difficulty with their senses such as the feel of their clothes, the taste of their food. These uncomfortable senses make them feel uneasy and lead to built up stress if they cannot sort the problem out themselves.

Some causes of anxiety come from activities or planned events they have had problems with in the past. For example, the tennis teacher made them feel uncomfortable and knowing they have to go again causes them distress.

Problems can also occur from lack of sleep, a drop in their blood-sugar levels, an allergy to certain foods and the list goes on and on.

Parents and carers must also remember that most of the time their children do not realise themselves what is causing them to feel uncomfortable

What to do

Try to get as much information as possible when tantrums happen. Try to think of all the things that may have been the cause. Try talking to others e.g. teachers or other carers for the child to see what their experiences were and if there are any common issues that could lead to tantrums.

The best thing to encourage is communication to get the child to tell you or indicate in some way what they think is causing them distress. Try to coach them into knowing when something is making them feel bad. Then help them to tell you and give you the chance to sort it out first.

If a child is non-verbal it would be helpful to teach a child to initially point or take an adult's hand to items they want. This will reduce the frustration of not having some of their needs met. This will also help if they can point to things that are distressing them.


Don't underestimate the value of support groups close to you. Parents should feel comfort in there being many thousands of other parents that understand what you have to deal with. Often talking to other parents with children with social difficulties helps a lot so that you can see you are not the only one. It helps when you are out in public places and other people see you dealing with a child with social difficulties obviously don't understand the difficulty


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

A great way to support your Trans4mind Training is to use these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Generalized Anxiety Treatment ~ Use hypnosis as a generalized anxiety disorder treatment and you can feel calm today.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
Search on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Trans4mind Training is the best thing we've ever done! It's a series of interactive video workshops covering the key challenges we all face in life - to help you achieve greater inner peace and true fulfillment.
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd