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I'm No Marriage Counsellor But I Have Been A Bestman

Though it's a long time ago, I remember my first time as a Bestman as it were yesterday. I had been to many wedding receptions before but I've never had the honour of giving a speech, as a Bestman. And because this was the wedding of Fred 'my best friend, I knew I had to take this long awaited matrimonial duty very seriously. You know, at that time I had never been married before, but I knew a few things about matrimony and love. I had however gone through a heartbreaking experience with my first amour, in addition to having been through a few passionate relationships with girlfriends. But to be honest I didn't know anything about marriage or matrimony and here I stood thinking about what to say before I proposed the toast in honour of the happy married couple. It happens to be a little weird that a man knowing virtually nothing about matrimony was going to give advice regarding this issue.

I must admit that the night before the wedding I started to panic a little because I had not decided on the content of my Bestman speech and among all the blatant advice regarding loving each other now that they were married, the question now was what should I say that had a twist no one else had given it? So the night hours passed one by one without me having written a single sentence of the matrimonial speech.

I woke up the next day quite early. Like a mad man I started to write the speech, almost without thinking. After 10 minutes of almost automatically writing loving and matrimonial words in breath-taking speed, I finally slowed down, flopped down on my bed and read the following:

- Today I reflect back to a time when I was a young boy remembering meeting another young boy who quite quickly became my best friend. And now, as his Bestman, stand here before you and that very same young boy, who is now a grown man, happy and filled with affection for his lovely bride and hopefully life-long partner, and might I add to a very beautiful and wonderful woman. My advice is to work hard at your relationship and continue to get to know each other well. Essentially though, my best advice is to allow each other the freedom to continue growing within your selves and to always consider the other's feelings and desires, hopes and dreams. If there should come a rough spell between you, seek out matrimonial advice when you feel you need it. Whether you seek out advice from happily married couples, or the wisdom of experts, know when you need help and make sure that you find it. I am confident that because of the loving passion shared between the two of you, this day marks the start of a long and loving merging of two hearts and two souls with the tools to create a splendid journey the both of you will cherish for the rest of your lives. To the Newlyweds, Fred and Maria, Congratulations!!! -

I married a few years later. Now I have been married for 15 years and I've tried to follow the advices I gave to Fred and Maria at their wedding. Maybe this is the reason why my matrimony with the best wife in the world has been so wonderful.

About the Author: Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and Sociologist who runs He writes about self help issues like self improvement, see as well as relationships and love, see


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