Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Explore Article Library

Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!

Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!
By Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT

Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent child and replaced them with a monster? Are you confused that somehow you have gone from knowing everything as a parent, to knowing absolutely nothing? Welcome to being a parent of a preteen/teenager. It is a brave new world. Being a preteen/teenager is difficult and being a parent of one is difficult as well. In this article, I will address just a few of the many 'normal' aspects of adolescence and how to survive as a parent.

I have been a therapist for over 18 years now and have seen hundreds of adolescents. If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me, 'If I talked the way my kids talk to me when I was a child I wouldn't be able to get off the floor.' I would be rich. Yes, talking back is normal. I also quickly add not acceptable. Our society through TV programs and in general does not show respect. Most sitcoms delight in making the parents look like idiots, gone are the days of the strong parents like the Cosby family. So, our society does not show respect and our children model that with us. Another normal aspect of preteen/teenagers is to think their parents know very little due to us growing up with dinosaurs or at least without VCRS much less DVD players, anyway. Most adolescents get all their information from their peers, who unfortunately don't always give good advice. Acting like a 'baby' one minute and an 'adult' the next is extremely common. It is an extremely confusing time for them. Part of them craves the security and the easiness of childhood and another part 'needs' the freedom and independence of being adult (they often forget the responsibility part). So, as a parent you are never really sure who you are talking to at any given moment. Do I have the 'baby' who wants my support or am I talking to the 'adult' who wants to make his or her own decisions? We often pick the wrong one.

So, what can a parent due to survive? In my e-book, 'Help My Preteen/Teenager
Is Driving Me Nuts!!!' I list several strategies. Here are a few of those strategies.

1. When your child is talking back. Do not engage in conversation with them and certainly do not do something special for them, like taking them to the mall.

2. Try not to give unsolicited advice. I'm not saying quit parenting all together, but advice is often listened to more when your child asks for it.

3. Make sure you spend time listening to your children. Take any opportunity even if it is at 11:00pm to listen when your child is willing to talk.

4. Talk to the parents of your child's friends and have a curfew that everyone agrees on. There is strength in numbers for parents as well. Then, you can say not 'everyone' gets to stay out later than your child.

5. Talk to other parents for support. Often, when our children are small we share a lot with other parents. Sometimes, when our children get to be teenagers we keep silent. It really helps to know you are not the only parent having a difficult time.

In conclusion, it is tough being a teenager and a parent of one, but everyone involved can survive. Remember the favorite phrase, 'This too shall pass.' You didn't think your children would ever get out of diapers and now look, they are teenagers. Teenagers still need you, so stay involved in their lives. Learn about their friends and be willing to listen at anytime. Also, remember some of their seemingly strange quirks are really quite normal.

- 2005 Kimberly Chastain

About the Author

Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of 'Help, I Just Can't Say No' and Pearls of Encouragement for Christian Working Moms. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to or visit


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

A great way to support your Trans4mind Training is to use these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Generalized Anxiety Treatment ~ Use hypnosis as a generalized anxiety disorder treatment and you can feel calm today.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
Search on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Trans4mind Training is the best thing we've ever done! It's a series of interactive video workshops covering the key challenges we all face in life - to help you achieve greater inner peace and true fulfillment.
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd