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I want to love him... but he's so far away

By Timothy Winters

Okay, who are we kidding. Long-distance relationships are not supposed to be easy, because then everyone would be involved in them. However, if we can manage to keep some things in mind and change our mind set just a bit, we can see that making long-distance work is not that bad...not only that, but also that it just might be a little bit of (honest) fun.

What most people think about when they hear about long-distance relationships is failure. Some type of failure. Failure to communicate, failure to stay interested, failure to keep one's hands off of another man or woman. But it isn't so. What long-distance is really about is success... succeeding in sacrificing for a special person, succeeding in doing what most people are unable to do: make love work at a distance.

First, however, we have to get one thing straight. In order for a long-distance relationship to work, BOTH parties must be very and equally interested in making this work in the first place. I've made long-distance work but only when she was as interested as I am. If you sense any doubt or have any reason to be skeptical about the other person's commitment, then the harsh reality is that it might not workout. However, if you have both talked and are sure you want to go along, we here at can help you make it happen.

Being able to send messages to your significant other is crucial but not always so simple. If this is going to work, you're going to have to do whatever it takes to communicate everything you need to to your special somebody. Try to make it easy on yourself by getting friendly phone plans (free mobile-to-mobile perhaps) and achieve an online presence (online messenger with 30 dollar web cam). Write letters, emails, text messages...mix it up over time and talk about what's going on, how you feel and other positive things. Never focus on the distance or time, ever. That will promote undesirable sentiment towards your situation.
Also try to talk every so often about your situation. If you to are willing to see other people but stay close, make sure its mutual. DO NOT have close relations with another if your partner only cares about you. This is considered cheating.

Equal Situation
One of the worst things that can happen is for one person in the relationship to be incredibly busy while the other is incredibly bored. This is just asking for trouble. Instead, what is ideal is for both members of this union to share more or less the same kind of schedule. If you're living at home like a bum it might be hard to make this work if your girlfriend is working to be a doctor at Yale. Interests will change sharply and time will become a factor...what will keep you interested when she has to study for hours tonight and tomorrow, for instance? Instead, if you're both bums or both studying to save the world, chances for this to work will be higher.

Keep it interesting
Try different things. Save money (key word: sacrifice) so that you can visit him/her or s/he can visit you. Play around with phone sex. Play games. Get creative. Remember, if you're really serious, it behooves you to be able to keep each other interested in a variety of ways. Expensive gifts and/or sexuality shouldn't be the only things keeping you together.

Just do it
Now there will be a lot of negativity around: people who snicker at you, tell you you're missing out or crazy...forget that. Just keep doing what you're doing. If the person is worth it, you will have the last laugh. Everyone wants others to fail to make themselves feel better, so succeed at this and you can rub it in later. Once you two make the decision to go along with this, NOTHING should hold you back except for the interest for and of each other. You'll have room to do what you need to, and you know that no matter how far, there's always somone there for you.

About the Author

Timothy Winters is a researcher who
specializes in interpersonal relationships. He has written several articles for


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